


Feathered By The Moonlight

by LilyAnson



Series: SPN Thank You Stories [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Castiel, Angst, Canon Divergence Raphael Not Dead, Dreams, Fluff (or at least I tried for fluff), Grigori, Hurt/Comfort, Language, M/M, Nightmares, One True Vessel, Past Relationship(s), Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Lucifer, i suck at fluff, past rape/non-con mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-04-30 00:31:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam doesn't remember much about his time in the pit.  Lucifer can't forget it.  When Sam has dreams he can't remember he turns to the one person who has the answers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Samifer Shippers](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Samifer+Shippers).



> This is written for the Samifer shippers that wrote Mooseley fics for all of us Mooseley shippers because you got fed up with the hate we were getting. I'm planning on writing a fic for all the shippers that took the time to write a Mooseley fic for us. I, for one, appreciate it very much. I'm sorry if it doesn't turn out well. I don't usually write this ship.

Staring at the younger Winchester he tried to understand why he didn't want to break his mind. It would be so easy. A few carefully placed thoughts would do it. He could drive him insane and have some semblance of revenge for being shoved back into the pit. Against his will a small shiver ran through him at the mere thought of the pit. The only respite he ever got from the torment of that black place was torturing Sam. While his mind was the only thing that actually left the pit it did grant a small respite. 

Sam rolled onto his side facing away from the devil. Lucifer cocked his head and continued watching. Something about Sam called to him on a more primal level. He needed to be near Sam. If he did drive Sam insane then what? He felt a twinge at the thought. Could he seriously do that? Sam's mind was so beautiful. He had known Sam had been created for him but he hadn't been ready for how much he would be drawn to him. Even in the beginning he found himself making promises he had been surprised by.

Promising not to harm Sam's mind? Really? After he stated them he had no choice but to stand by his word. In spite of whatever people thought he didn't lie. Okay, he didn't lie often he admitted. But Sam? Lucifer inspected the youngest of the brothers in the motel room. Reaching down he moved to brush some of the hair away from Sam's eyes but stopped as Sam shifted again. Lucifer held his breath and waited as Sam settled.

"Stop," Sam muttered.

Lucifer frowned.

"Dean," Sam whined in his sleep.

Lucifer growled. For some reason thoughts of Sam dreaming of anything else but him stung. He winced when he realized that he was being jealous of a nightmare. Slowly he sat down on the edge of the bed and placed a finger to the side of Sam's head.

_"Dean!"_

_Lucifer felt them dropping down to the ground. He winced as the ground pressed into his knee painfully. He could never get used to being corporeal. Looking around he spotted himself. Well, himself in his other vessel Nick._

_"Stop it," Sam yelled._

_"Then give in to me," Lucifer heard himself say. "This can end anytime you want, all you have to do is give in to me."_

_"Don't," Dean whispered._

 _Lucifer glanced down to his brother. No, not my brother, Sam's brother. Lucifer tried to clear his head. It was too confusing inhabiting Sam's mind in his dreams. He could never remember where he ended and where Sam began._

_"Don't Sammy," Dean whispered._

_"I promise I'll stop his pain as soon as you say yes," he heard himself say._

_For some reason Lucifer found himself hoping Sam would deny his other self._

_"What do I do," Sam asked._

_"Don't give in Sammy."_

_"It'll only get worse for him if you don't give in," 'Nick' said._

_Lucifer growled. These two were his to torment. But that is you, his mind told him. Lucifer shook his head._

_"Stop the pain first," Sam ordered. "Stop the pain and let Dean go."_

_No, Lucifer raged. Don't give in to him._

_"No," Dean whispered raggedly._

_Lucifer found himself reaching down and running a hand over Dean's face._

_"Don't Sam. I need you."_

_"I have to."_

_"I need you," Dean whispered._

_Lucifer focused his mind. Carefully he pulled himself out of Sam's body. Striding over to himself he reached a hand out and smote his dream self. Turning back he froze. Sam was glaring at him._

_"Stop the pain," Sam ordered._

_"I... I... It wasn't me," Lucifer stammered._

_Sam snorted. "Then I suppose it was the other devil?"_

_"I wouldn't... I didn't..."_

_Lucifer walked forward trying to get closer to make Sam understand._

.

"No!" 

Sam sat up and glanced around the room trying to find his brother. Dean was sitting up on the other bed watching him carefully. Sam blinked several times trying to understand what was happening.

"Sammy?"

"Dean?"

"You alright?"

"I... You were..." Sam shook his head. It had to have been another nightmare.

"Yeah," Sam answered tentatively. "Uh, just a dream. I think."

"You think?"

"It was just a dream. I'm fine Dean."

"You sure?"

"Yes," Sam huffed exasperated.

What had the dream even been about? He tried to remember but like all dreams it had faded as soon as he woke up. Something about Lucifer… 

“Sure you’re okay,” Dean asked.

“Yeah,” Sam answered vaguely. 

“It doesn’t have anything to do with the… uh…” 

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Hallucinations, and no.”

Honestly he wasn’t sure but he really didn’t want Dean to think any less of him than he already did. The way Dean had reacted when he had learned about the hallucinations had been enough that Sam didn’t want to share any other issues with his brother at the moment.

*-*-*-*-*

How long had it been in the ‘human’ time span? The units they measured time in were so trivial. Lucifer shook his head to try to clear it. He noted Dean kneeling over Sam. Sam’s hands were pressing a blood soaked shirt against his side. Lucifer let out an anguished growl. 

“I’m fine Dean.”

“The hell you are,” Dean retorted.

Lucifer had to work to keep from lashing out. Wouldn’t do any good anyway he told himself. Sam’s the only one that can see you and even he can’t feel you.

“I’m fine Dean. Let it go.”

Yes, let it go, Lucifer ordered silently. Get the wound treated now and save everything else for later.

“Sam…” 

No, Lucifer ordered. Leave it.

“Let it go Dean.”

Sam started to stand and Dean reached down to help. Lucifer moved sideways trying to get a better view of the injury. Perhaps it wasn’t as bad as it looked. Maybe it had just bled a lot? What did he know about human anatomy?

“What the hell were you thinking,” Dean grumbled.

“Let it go,” Lucifer snarled.

Sam jumped and his head snapped up.

“What? Sam?”

Lucifer held Sam’s gaze. “He needs to drop it and let you get treated,” Lucifer bit out crossing his arms and looking away.

“Sam,” Dean asked again.

“Huh,” Sam said questioningly.

“You okay,” Dean asked.

“Yeah, just mostly shock I think.”

“Go to a hospital, Sam,” Lucifer insisted glaring at Sam.

Sam ignored him.

“Sure?”

“Yes. I just want to go back to the bunker.”

“No,” Lucifer shouted.

Sam almost eyed him but swiveled his head away at the last minute.

“Sam I can’t check on you in the bunker,” Lucifer stated.

“Yeah. Just the bunker and then I’ll be fine,” Sam stated.

Lucifer whined deep in his throat. “Please?”

“I’ll be fine if we just go to the bunker,” Sam bit out.

Lucifer looked away ashamed. Had he really made Sam hate him that much? Hadn’t he been trying to annoy Sam? Why was he so hurt that Sam hated him now when that was what his initial goal had been? He couldn’t deal with this, he needed time to think.

.

Lucifer sat in the back seat keeping an eye on Sam. If they were truly headed to the bunker he needed to know that Sam would be alright. Sam was his only connection to this world. As soon as Sam entered the bunker the warding would cut that connection and return Lucifer’s mind back to the accused pit.

“Please don’t go to the bunker,” Lucifer whispered. 

Sam stiffened and Lucifer realized he had actually spoken the words. Now that they were out there was no taking them back. He noted Sam glance back at him through the rear view mirror.

“I’ve never lied to you before. When you enter the bunker I lose my connection here. I don’t understand why but I don’t want to leave without knowing you will be alright,” he said quietly.

Sam glanced back at him in the rear view mirror once again. Lucifer was sure he now understood the idiom ‘to hold one’s breath’. He didn’t technically need to breath but his chest still felt like he imagined it would if his lungs were starving for oxygen. Finally, with a glance to Dean, Sam spoke. 

“I’ll be fine Dean. I think I just need a little recoup time,” Sam said evenly.

Lucifer didn’t miss the slight flick of Sam’s eyes to the mirror. Was Sam addressing him? Lucifer frowned. “Sam?”

“You almost got yourself killed back there,” Dean stated.

“Almost doesn’t count.” Sam argued.

“Damn it Sammy,” Dean admonished.

Lucifer merely growled at how dismissive Sam was being with his life.

“Like you even care,” Sam shot back, crossing his arms and glaring at Lucifer in the mirror.

“What the hell Sam,” Dean asked. “I’m your brother, of course I care.”

“He can’t hear me,” Lucifer reminded Sam indignantly. Crossing his arms Lucifer turned to glare out the window at the passing scenery. _‘Like you even care,’_ ran through his mind over and over. _Did_ he care, Lucifer wondered. Strangely he realized he actually did care if this human lived. 

.

Lucifer stood next to the brothers as Sam waited impatiently for Dean to open the door to the bunker. As soon as the door was unlocked Dean turned and eyed him. Sam crossed his arms and didn’t say anything.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine Dean,” Sam huffed.

“I still think it needs stitches.”

“I can’t get them out here,” Sam pointed out the obvious.

Dean hesitated.

“Fine. I won’t fight you on the stitches if you stop hinting at whatever the hell it is you want to know and just ask now.”

“What makes you think I want to know something,” Dean asked.

Sam just stared at his brother.

“Fine. You’ve been acting a little odd lately.”

Lucifer’s head shot sideways to inspect Dean. Odd?

“Odd,” Sam questioned, unintentionally mimicking Lucifer’s unasked question.

“Yeah, distracted… ish.”

“That’s what you’re worried about?”

“Sam, if you’re distracted you could get ganked,” Dean said flatly.

“Exactly,” Lucifer agreed.

Sam rolled his eyes.

“I’m fine. You can both stop worrying about it.”

“Both,” Dean asked with a quizzical look on his face.

Sam groaned. Shoving past Dean he made his way into the bunker. Forgetting for the moment that he couldn’t touch anything here Lucifer reached out to grab Sam’s arm. The second Sam passed the threshold Lucifer felt himself being dragged back down to the pit.

*-*-*-*-*

Lucifer jerked his head around trying to figure out where he was now. When his vision settled on Sam Lucifer froze. Cautiously he walked forward and stood in front of the younger Winchester. For a while neither spoke.

“Where do you go,” Sam finally asked quietly.

Lucifer frowned.

“When you disappear, where do you go?”

“Sam…” 

“Just answer.”

“I go back to the pit,” Lucifer stated quietly.

“You’re not a hallucination are you?”

“In a sense I am.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not really here by human standards.”

“By angel standards?”

“That’s more difficult to describe.”

“Try.”

“Angels have the ability to see elsewhere and most of the time interact with things there.”

“Like you’re interacting with me?”

“No. The pit curtails that ability. Usually I can’t even physically appear to anyone while my body’s there.”

“Usually?”

“After so many years I found a few ways around some of the… limitations of the cage. Usually I can only plant suggestions. Only a rare few people could ever see me.”

“Why me?”

“I told you. We’re made for eachother.” 

“I was made for Satan? You can see where I might not be too thrilled about that?”

“No. We were meant for eachother. I don’t understand why you don’t accept your place.”

“I’m human Luci.”

“You’re the only one that calls me that.”

“I know.”

“Why?”

“Maybe because I want to?”

“Maybe because you’re the only one meant for me?”

“Lucifer…”

“Sam I need to be near you. I don’t understand why but I need you.”

“Do you even realize how that sounds?”

“Yes.”

Sam shook his head.

“I’m sorry for whatever I did that makes you hate me.”

“Whatever you did?”

“Yeah.”

“You killed people I cared about, you tortured me, you beat Dean almost within an inch of his life-”

“Honestly I really wasn’t going to hurt Dean. I meant that when I said it,” Lucifer whispered.

Sam snorted and Lucifer frowned.

“It’s true Sam. I never once lied to you.”

“You killed your own brothers.”

“Only one,” Lucifer said quietly.

“You killed Gabriel and Castiel.”

“Castiel’s not technically my brother. You humans would probably call him something like a cousin.”

“Gabriel thought of Cass as a brother.”

“Gabriel was always a bit of a rebel,” Lucifer said with a small smile.

“He was still your family,” Sam argued.

Lucifer shrugged. “Family is slightly different for angels.”

“I felt your anger when Cass threw the holy fire on Michael.”

“Nobody dicks with Michael except for me,” Lucifer growled.

“But he didn’t kill Michael,” Sam pointed out.

“Doesn’t matter,” Lucifer sulked.

“I take it you were close.”

“I was close with all of my brothers, but yes, I was the closest with Michael.”

“So then you understand how I felt when you attacked Dean.”

Lucifer wanted to argue with Sam about that. No one could understand how angry he had been when Castiel attacked Michael. Instead of responding immediately he took time to see things from Sam’s point of view. What he had done to Dean had actually been worse than what Castiel had done to Michael. Michael was an angel, Dean was human. Michael could heal himself immediately, Dean couldn’t.

“I’m sorry,” Lucifer stated quietly.

Sam shook his head and looked away. 

“Sam?”

“What?”

“I don’t understand what I’m feeling. I just know I need to be near you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” Lucifer said honestly.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said quietly.

Lucifer stiffened at the words. “For what,” he asked cautiously.

“I need time to think about some things.”

“Okay,” Lucifer said slowly, still tense.

Sam turned back and looked into his eyes.

“Time alone.”

“I can’t go anywhere else. You’re my only connection here.”

“I figured as much.”

Instant realization hit Lucifer. “No. I won’t go back! You don’t know what it’s like!”

“ _I_ don’t know what it’s like in the pit,” Sam asked raising an eyebrow.

“Okay, you do know. Since you _know_ what it’s like you _know_ why I don’t want to go back there!”

“I know,” Sam said quietly.

“Don’t. I’ll be good. I’ll stop tormenting you. I won’t even talk to you if you don’t want.”

“I need time alone to think about this.”

“Please,” Lucifer begged quietly.

“I’m sorry,” Sam stated sadly.

*-*-*-*-*

Walking into the bunker Sam hesitated slowly before crossing the threshold. Slowly he shut the door behind himself. He really didn’t like the idea of leaving Lucifer in stranded in the pit but there was no way around it. He couldn’t suddenly move out of the bunker without Dean getting suspicious and he really did need time to think about things without Lucifer around.

“Sammy?”

Sam stopped and turned to face his brother. “Dean?”

“Where were you?”

“Just needed to get some air.”

“Tell someone next time.”

“I’m not a child Dean, I can take care of myself. Besides just what do you expect to happen to me?”

“Doesn’t matter what I expect to happen. I didn’t expect for you to let yourself get distracted and stabbed during the last fight but it happened.”

“I just went outside for a few minutes. It’s not like I’m going to get attacked in front of the bunker.”

“You might,” Dean countered.

“Yeah and the bunker might randomly explode, but the chances are that’s not going to happen any more than someone waiting outside the bunker for me.”

“Whatever, just let me know next time.”

“Whatever,” Sam huffed as he stalked up the stairs and down the hall to his room. 

Lately it seemed as if he couldn’t get any time to himself. Dean had to know where he was at all times. Lucifer wanted… whatever it was Lucifer wanted. He hadn’t exactly been precisely clear about that. Sam replayed the conversation in his head. Finally Sam determined Lucifer probably just wanted out of the pit. 

Sam thought back struggling to remember his time in the pit. As horrible as the things he remembered were, he knew he wasn’t remembering even half of what it was like. The mind protects itself. He was sure he had heard that somewhere. The pit wasn’t made for humans, it was made for angels. One angel in particular. While there were snippets of memories from his time there the majority of it was lost. Mostly he remembered the overwhelming emptiness of everything and the pain. Physical pain yes, but the emotional pain hurt far worse. 

There were other memories that kept trying to assert themselves. Sam continually tried to grab onto these memories. It seemed as if these memories weren’t as bad as the rest of them. No matter how hard he tried to grab them they kept eluding him. He was sure some of these memories had to deal with Lucifer but not quite sure how they involved the archangel.

Lucifer… There was a can of worms in and of itself. He still had no clue what the angel wanted. It seemed as if the Lucifer himself didn’t understand exactly what he wanted. How the hell was Sam supposed to know what Lucifer wanted when the angel himself didn’t know? Shaking his head Sam finally walked over to the desk and slumped down into the chair. With thoughts of his brother, the pit and Lucifer Sam fell asleep still sitting at the desk.

*-*-*-*-*

_“Leave him alone.”_

_“Who’s going to make me? You I suppose?”_

_“Damned straight I will. You really don’t want to test me Michael.”_

_“Why do you even care?”_

_“He’s mine. He was made for me. I left Dean alone.”_

_“But I didn’t get Dean did I? Why should you get your little toy?”_

_“I said leave him alone!”_

Sam bolted upright as his eyes shot open.

*-*-*-*-*

Alone. That was the one thing he remembered from the dream so Sam held onto that one word. He was pretty sure Lucifer had been the one to say the word. What could he have meant by that word? Standing, Sam stretched. He made his way over to his bed and looked down at it. Sighing he rolled his eyes. He wasn’t going to go back to sleep any time soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Lucifer blinked several times trying to reorientate himself. His eyes finally settled on Sam. Lucifer tilted his head and inspected the younger Winchester. There was a long gash down one of Sam’s cheeks. It didn’t look bad but it was still oozing blood. A bruise marred the left side of Sam’s face. Lucifer frowned and walked forward. Raising one hand he reached out to touch the bruise. Sam took a step back and Lucifer dropped his hand.

“Hey,” Lucifer said quietly.

“Hey,” Sam replied.

“You are injured,” Lucifer noted.

“It’s nothing,” Sam answered dismissively. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“What happened in the pit?”

Lucifer frowned. “I thought you remembered.”

“I remember parts of it. Some of it is still kind of fuzzy.”

Lucifer’s frown deepened. Sam didn’t remember?

“I think I get pieces of it in my dreams but I can’t ever remember them.”

“What do you remember?”

“Mostly? Most of what I remember is the emptiness. How… ‘painful’ it was. You know what I mean?”

“I know,” Lucifer whispered.

“I’m not sure how nothingness can feel like that.”

“It’s the absence.”

Sam lowered his brows. “Absence?”

“Being separated from Father.”

“God?”

“You would call Him that,” Lucifer stated as he dropped his head and wrapped his arms around himself.

“You feel that all the time?”

“No. It’s worse for me… For us…”

“Us?”

“Michael and I.”

“Michael,” Sam repeated. “I think I remember something about him.”

Lucifer looked back up to Sam. “You remember… Michael?”

“I don’t know. It seems… It’ll sound stupid.”

“What will?”

“I think I remember him being angry. I mean, I know logically he would be mad about being stuck in the pit, but this seems different.”

“Different how,” Lucifer asked. Sam really didn’t remember anything about Lucifer protecting him from Michael?

“I don’t know. I can’t remember much of those dreams.”

“It’s probably nothing,” Lucifer muttered turning his back to Sam.

Sam walked around and stood in front of Lucifer.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“What would make you say that?”

“You did possess me. I know how you think. There’s something you’re hiding.”

Lucifer frowned. “I’m not hiding anything.”

“Maybe you’re not hiding it but you’re not telling me something.”

“Let it go Sam.”

“No. What aren’t you telling me?”

“How did you get injured,” Lucifer asked, abruptly changing topics.

“You’re avoiding answering,” Sam observed.

“I am not,” Lucifer lied.

Sam frowned. “Yes you are.”

“Sam…”

“Tell me.”

“Yes, he was mad at you.”

“You told him to leave me alone.”

Lucifer jerked his head to meet Sam’s eyes. “You said you didn’t remember,” he growled.

“I don’t but I remember you saying something about leaving someone alone. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

Lucifer crossed his arms and glared. I _am not_ pouting, he assured himself.

“Luci…”

“Stop.” 

Lucifer covered his ears. How many times had he heard Sam utter that nickname? Every time Lucifer had let his guard down and Michael had hurt Sam. Every time Sam had been scared in the pit. Every time Sam had been confused… He couldn’t take the nickname right now.

“Stop what,” Sam asked quietly.

“Do not call me that!”

“You didn’t mind before.”

“Before you said you remembered!”

Lucifer froze. How could he have said that? His Sam would never let that pass.

“What do you mean? Before?”

“Stop,” Lucifer ordered.

“No, what do you mean before,” Sam asked, determined.

“Don’t,” Lucifer growled. “I choose to be here. I _can_ choose to leave.”

“You won’t. I don’t know why but you won’t choose to leave me.”

“That’s the point Sam! You don’t know why!”

“So tell me.”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Leave it.”

“No. Tell me.”

“Fine. Michael… hated you.”

“Of course.”

“No. You don’t get it. He hated you.”

“Okay?”

“He wanted to hurt you because he couldn’t have Dean.”

“Dean?”

“As much as I need you he needed Dean.”

“Okay.”

“I… I didn’t want him to hurt you.”

“You told him to leave me alone?”

“Yes.”

“He didn’t, did he?”

“Don’t do this Sam.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m asking you not to?”

“Tough. Tell me.”

“You’re not ready for this Sam.”

“Fuck you. Just tell me.”

“I’m telling you, you won’t believe it.”

“Stop, just stop. Don’t sugar coat this. Just tell me like it is.”

“Michael wanted to hurt you.”

“Because he couldn’t have Dean? That’s it? That’s really all there was to that?”

“Yes.”

“Whatever.”

“Sam-”

“No. Whatever, I can’t do this right now.”

“Don’t leave, please?”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t go back there. Not right now.”

“To the pit?”

“Michael is upset. I protected you,” Lucifer whispered. “He needed Dean as much as I needed you, still need you, and he couldn’t have him. I got you, however briefly. He never got Dean.”

“So he’s mad at me?”

“You? No, he’s mad at me.”

“I thought you said Michael was the one you got along with the best.”

“He is.”

“I can’t deal with this right now.”

“No!”

“What?”

“Don’t leave, please.”

“Why? And don’t give me this crap about the pit. Michael doesn’t get to leave it.”

“I don’t want to go back to him. He keeps reminding me you don’t…”

“I don’t what?”

“Does it matter,” Lucifer asked angrily. “The pit’s bad enough.”

“I don’t what, Lucifer?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What do you want me to call you?”

“You used to call me… never mind.”

“Luci,” Sam answered slowly.

“Yes. That,” Lucifer whispered. Lucifer shook his head. “Doesn’t matter does it?”

“You want me to call you Luci?”

“Just stop, Sam. Just… Just stop.”

“No. Tell me what I’m forgetting?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Tell me.”

“I protected you.”

“Whatever. If that’s all I’m going to get then why stay?”

“Sam… I think… I love you?”

“You’re not sure,” Sam asked flatly.

Lucifer let out a low whine. 

“Luci.”

“Okay, yes. I love you. I can’t help it, though. You were created for me; created for me to love.”

“And Michael?”

“Dean was created for him.”

“Even if it’s not what we want?”

“Yes. You were imbued with free will, though. We were not.”

“Michael wanted to hurt me because he couldn’t have Dean,” Sam mused. “You told him to leave me alone.”

Lucifer ducked his head.

“There’s more isn’t there?”

“No,” Lucifer lied. 

“I can tell when you’re lying to me.”

“Then don’t ask about it anymore,” Lucifer grumbled still not looking at Sam.

“Did something happen between us in the pit?”

“Not if you don’t remember it,” Lucifer whispered.

“What does that mean?”

“Sam,” Lucifer whispered finally looking up at Sam.

Raising one hand Lucifer brought it to the side of Sam’s face. He desperately wished he could actually touch his Sam. He had fought his attraction to the younger Winchester since he first felt it. How could he let another being have any kind of power over him? Especially one of these flawed humans? When Sam had sacrificed himself to stop the apocalypse Lucifer had been enraged. Eons he had spent trying to free himself from that cage, and Sam and entrapped him back inside once again.

Lucifer knew he had a temper. Generally he did try to control it, though he doubted anyone would believe him. In the beginning he had stayed as far away from Sam as he could get. On a good day when the pit shifted into someplace outdoors staying away from Sam was easy. On a bad day, when it resembled the actual cage it was, keeping away from Sam was more difficult. It was all too easy to lash out at him in anger when he couldn’t get more than two feet from the younger Winchester.

The only time he ever paid Michael any attention was when Michael struck out at him for him being stuck in the cage with them. Time and time again they would clash. Eventually they would retire to their own corners to lick at their wounds. While the physical was easily healed in the cage, injures to their angelic forms took far longer to heal. Lucifer still carried several wounds from those early fights that still hadn’t fully healed.

For the most part they ignored Adam. Adam was broken beyond repair before they had been trapped in the pit. Michael might have a chance at undoing some of the damage if he ever felt inclined, but mostly it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Adam was never intended to be a vessel. He was more of a fail safe. Dean had been made for Michael. Dean would not have had to worry about ending up like Adam if he had been Michael’s vessel.

“What are you thinking about,” Sam asked softly.

Lucifer let his eyes slide closed. 

“Mostly the pit.”

“Will you tell me what happened between us?”

“If you don’t remember…”

“Please?”

“Michael hurt you,” Lucifer answered without opening his eyes. “To be honest I hurt you too,” he whispered.

“Then why would you try to stop Michael from hurting me.”

Finally Lucifer dropped his hand away from Sam’s cheek and opened his eyes. “I found him hurting you one day.”

“Found?”

“The pit changes. It is not always a cage. Sometimes when it would shift to larger areas I would leave so I wouldn’t hurt you. I heard you screaming one day. I started to go to your rescue but I stopped. You were the reason I was back in the pit. I was mad at you. Then you said it.”

“Said what?”

“It was the first time you ever called me Luci. Something snapped. You were mine. Michael was hurting you and you were mine. Mine to use yes, but also mine to protect. Mine to love. I couldn’t let Michael hurt you.”

“When I showed up there was blood everywhere. I don’t remember what happened but when it was over Michael finally left. All I could think about was him hurting you. I almost followed him to retaliate more. I had taken two steps before you reached out an arm and whispered my name again.

“Luci,” Sam whispered.

Lucifer shivered.

“I… I spent most of the time there trying to protect you after that.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Lucifer answered quietly. “In light of things, it’s not really surprising you don’t remember much. The pain you must have endured? Anywhere else and you would have been dead a thousand times over.”

“But not in the pit?”

“The pit is ruled by it’s own set of laws. No one can actually die there because no one actually exists there. It’s a place completely set apart, both in time and space.”

“Like another dimension?”

“Yes, like that. You can, however, sustain injuries.”

“Then why wasn’t I injured when I left the pit?”

“You were. The injuries were imprinted on your soul. You didn’t feel injured when you were ‘rescued’ because your soul was left behind. How you survived having your soul put back in I can’t imagine.”

“Death put up a wall. It kept most of the memories from me for a long time.”

“But not now?”

“When Cass was working with Crowley to get the souls in Purgatory he broke the wall to keep us from trying to stop him.”

Lucifer growled.

“Stop. If he hadn’t broken the wall I couldn’t see you now. Besides, eventually Cass took on the madness himself to help me.”

Lucifer cocked his head. “I wondered about that.”

“Well you were making me insane,” Sam huffed.

“I know,” Lucifer stated sadly. “In my defense it wasn’t all me.”

“How could it not be?”

“Even angels require rest sometimes. Not in the sense as humans do, but the idea is similar. Sometimes when I would let my guard down Michael would torment you in my form. The worst times were when Michael and I would fight and I would be too injured to stop him. I had to watch him torment you sometimes, unable to do anything about it.”

“Cass?”

“What about him?”

“Who tormented him,” Sam demanded.

Lucifer ducked his head and didn’t answer.

“It was you wasn’t it?”

“It was both of us,” Lucifer admitted. 

Sam shook his head. “I don’t even know if-”

“Sam,” Dean called out.

“Damn it,” Sam muttered. “I have to go.”

“No,” Lucifer bellowed.

“I’ll be back, I promise.”

“Soon?”

“As soon as I can be, yes.”

“Sammy,” Dean asked coming around the corner of the bunker. “What are you doing out here now? More fresh air?”

“Yes,” Sam answered tersely crossing his arms over his chest.

“I told you to let me know when you were going outside.”

“And I told you I can handle myself.”

“I’m your brother Sam, it’s my job to worry about you.”

“You get pissed when I try to worry about you.”

“That’s cause I’m the big brother. It’s my job to watch over you. It’s not your job to watch over me.”

“Fuck this, I’m going back inside now.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty please don't throw things at me? Please? *hides*

Staring at his computer Sam pretended to research something. He couldn’t even remember what he had told Dean he was researching anymore. Hopefully Dean wouldn’t ask about it. Had Lucifer really been telling the truth? This was stupid, he knew when Lucifer was lying why was it so hard to believe he was telling the truth? If he wasn’t Sam would have known.

“Hey,” Dean called out as he knocked on the door. “Gear up, we’re going into town for supplies.”

“I’m still researching,” Sam informed his brother.

“So bring the computer you can research in the car.”

“I’d rather stay here.”

“Why? You can research anywhere.”

“Damn it Dean, I just need some space. Can’t you understand that?”

“And I need to know you’re not going to go walkabout while I’m gone.”

“I promise I won’t leave the bunker. Hell, I probably won’t even leave the room okay?”

Dean continued to stare at him and Sam sighed. “I’ll be fine Dean, really.”

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“Got it.”

As Dean finally left Sam turned back to the computer screen. An article about wraiths stared back at him. Wraiths? Really? Rolling his eyes Sam exed the box tapped his fingers on the desk. He couldn’t keep going outside to talk to Lucifer, Dean would get suspicious. He had to find another way to communicate with Luci.

*-*-*-*-*

Lucifer opened his eyes and realized they were indoors for once. Frowning Lucifer inspected his surroundings. His eyes settled on Sam and Lucifer smiled slightly. 

“We’re going to have to have some ground rules,” Sam told him.

Lucifer frowned. “Ground rules?”

“No more messing with my head like last time.”

“Never,” Lucifer promised.

“No talking when Dean’s around.”

“Where are we?”

“In the bunker.”

“How?”

Sam shrugged. “I did some research, broke a few wards, drew a few more.”

Lucifer reinspected his surroundings. They were in the bunker? Sam cleared his throat and Lucifer turned back to him.

“No talking when Dean’s around,” Sam repeated.

“Understood.”

“If I say I need space you leave me alone. No questions asked.”

Lucifer nodded.

“I reserve the right to make up any new rules if needed.”

“Deal. Sam?”

“Yes?”

“Why the change of heart?”

“I needed to be able to talk to you about things. I couldn’t keep going outside to do it every time.”

“Dean’s just trying to protect you, you know?”

“I know, but sometimes it’s a bit smothering.”

“Where is Dean?”

“Supply run, but he should be back any minute now. It took a while to figure out how to allow you to enter the bunker.”

“Thank you for this, Sam.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Honey, I’m home,” Dean called out as he entered the bunker.

“Speak of the devil,” Sam said.

Lucifer cocked an eyebrow.

“Figure of speech,” Sam grumbled. “You know what I meant.”

Lucifer smiled. “I do.”

“Sammy,” Dean called as he entered Sam’s room.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, what’s up?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I told you I wouldn’t leave the bunker while you were gone. You don’t have to check up on me.”

*-*-*-*-*

“Reckless,” Lucifer repeated crossing his arms over his chest. Turning he glared out the window at the passing scenery. 

Sam pulled his free arm up and crossed it over the arm pressing the rag to the wound in his chest. Staring straight ahead he glowered at the road in front of them. Of course Lucifer would berate him the whole way back, when he couldn’t reply. He had specifically made the rule of no talking when Dean was present to avoid just this situation.

“What were you thinking Sam,” Dean barked sharply. "You could have gotten yourself killed."

"Enough. I'm fine Dean."

Lucifer snorted.

"You're not fine Sam," Dean disagreed. "A few more inches and you could have been killed."

"Would you just let it go. I wasn't killed, I'll heal, we got the job done," Sam huffed.

"With who knows what internal injuries," Dean argued.

"You're going the wrong way," Sam informed his brother.

"The hell I am. We're going to the hospital."

"Dean, no."

"Yes," Dean and Lucifer said at the same time.

Sam growled and turned to glare at Lucifer in the rearview mirror. Sadly Lucifer was still glaring out the side window and missed it. Still pissed Sam returned to glaring at the road. They rode the rest of the way to the hospital in silence. When they parked Sam refused to get out of the car.

"Oh come on, Sam," Dean griped. "Don't be a baby about this."

"Please," Lucifer asked quietly. "For me?"

"Whatever," Sam grumbled as he opened the car door. "Let's get this over with so I can go home."

The three made their way to the emergency doors. The automatic doors slid open at their approach and they entered. Walking up to the admissions desk Sam groaned as he realized he was using his right hand to hold the rag to his chest. He was going to have to sign in left handed. He frowned at the box that asked what the reason was for the visit. They were going to have to come up with a reason for the stab wound. Scrawling the words knife wound in the box he took a seat next to Dean. 

“If you get asked, we’re going with mugging. Didn’t see the assailant, can’t describe him,” Sam whispered to Dean. Dean gave a single nod and the group settled in to wait to be seen.

 

*-*-*-*-*

 

Without waiting for Lucifer to enter Sam slammed his bedroom door. As usual, Lucifer walked straight through the closed door. Sam rolled his eyes. Walking over to his desk Sam dropped into his chair and winced.

"Sam?"

"For the last time, I'm fine."

"I'm just worried. You could have been killed."

"But I wasn't. By the way, in case you don't remember-"

Sam stopped short as Dean opened the door.

"Who were you just talking to," Dean asked.

"No one, i was just griping about the situation," Sam mumbled. "Did you need something, Dean?"

"You forgot your pills," Dean stated, holding up the pharmacy bag.

"Don't want them."

"At the very least you are going to take the antibiotics, Sam."

"Fine, whatever. Toss em here," Sam raised his hand and Dean tossed him the bag and then a bottle of juice.

"Juice? Really?"

"Yep, no beer for you while you're taking them."

Sam rolled his eyes. "You can leave now."

"Nope. Not til you take one."

"Fine."

Removing the lid from the antibiotics Sam pulled out a pill. He made a show of putting the pill in his mouth and swallowing. Tossing the juice back to Dean, Sam glared at his brother.

"Now can I get some peace?"

Dean tossed the juice back to Sam. “For the next dose of antibiotics,” he said as he left the room.

“Sam,” Lucifer said questioningly.

Turning, Sam looked to Lucifer and raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you in the car. I just… I was worried.”

Sighing Sam sat backwards in the chair carefully. “I understand. I just wish you would have waited. I can’t respond to you with Dean around. It’s not fair that you got to yell at me and I didn’t get to defend myself.”

Lucifer dropped his eyes to the floor and nodded. “Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not going to re-ban me from the bunker are you?”

“What?”

“The rule, no talking with Dean present…”

Sam placed an elbow on the desk and dropped his head into it. After several seconds he finally raised his head. “No. I’m not going to ‘ban’ you from the bunker. I might ban you from following us on hunts though.”

Lucifer gave a soft whine.

“I can’t do my job if I’m constantly worrying about what you might say afterwards, Luci.”

“I won’t say anything next time, promise.”

“Look, I’m tired. I really need to get some sleep.”

“Do you mind if I stay in here this time,” Lucifer asked hopefully.

“Do you even realize how creepy it is to have someone watching you sleep?”

“I never argued after that first night,” Lucifer pointed out. “It’s just, after you jumped in front of Dean and got stabbed today…”

“Fine. But if it keeps me from being able to sleep you’re going to have to leave.”

“Of course, you need sleep. It’s just that I’m still wound up about watching you get injured. Especially since I can’t do anything to help you.”

“Damn it,” Sam muttered. 

Standing he made his way to the bed and pulled back the covers.

 

*-*-*-*-*

Yawning, Sam opened his eyes. Blinking a few times he reached up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He was pleasantly surprised to find he slept through the night without any problems. He had been worried about Lucifer watching over him but… Wait. Speaking of… Where was Lucifer? Turning his head to inspect the room he found Lucifer, with his eyes closed, sitting on the floor with his back against the door.

“Hey,” Sam called out quietly.

Lucifer’s eyes opened as his head turned to face Sam.

“Did I disturbed you?”

Sam smiled slightly at the look on Lucifer’s face. For some reason it reminded him of a child desperate for approval. “No, you didn’t bother me.”

“You did not sleep long,” Lucifer noted.

Sam checked the clock on the stand by the bed. “I slept six hours. That’s about normal.”

“Do humans not usually sleep eight hours?”

“Most do,” Sam replied sitting up. “I haven’t slept eight hours a night in… I don’t know how long.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Sore,” Sam answered rubbing at his chest.

Frowning Lucifer stood and walked over to the bed.

“Nope,” Sam stated, shoving the covers back and swinging his legs off the bed. “No mother henning me,” he told Lucifer.

Lucifer cocked his head and stared at Sam questioningly. “‘Mother henning’?”

Sam thought about the best way to explain that to Lucifer. “Like what Dean was doing ever since we left the hospital.”

“He was just trying to make sure you would be fine, Sam.”

“He was smothering me,” Sam mumbled getting out of the bed. “I’ll be fine. The doctor said it missed everything vital and just needed a few stitches.”

*-*-*-*-*

It had been an interesting day; well, interesting for Lucifer in any event. During any of the time he had spent watching humans he had learned very little about treating injuries. It had never seemed important before. Before he didn’t have any human he had cared about half as much as he cared for Sam. It was strange finally accepting the feeling. He had fought against it for so long. Partly because he balked at the thought of anyone having any kind of power over him and partly because he was angry at his father not allowing him a choice.

Unconditional love for his father? He could accept that. Love of any kind for a human? That was asking too much. Having it written into his being and not even being allowed to choose for himself? Of course he had been angry. It was exactly that anger that had caused him to rebel against his father and be expelled from heaven in the first place. 

Then Sam had said yes.

Everything started changing the moment he first possessed Sam. Lucifer watched Sam meticulously repack the medical kit. Yes, he had known Sam had been made for him, but he could never have imagined what that fully meant. Finally Sam snapped the medical kit closed and turned to him.

“So that’s how you change a bandage. I’m still not sure why you would want to know.”

“I want to know in case you’re ever injured again.”

“You can’t interact with material objects. You wouldn’t be able to dress any wound I received. Besides, I’m the only one that can hear or see you. It’s not like you could talk anyone else through it.”

“I still wanted to know. It’s difficult to put into words why but it makes me feel better to know these things.”

Sam shrugged. “Well that’s it. Time to get ready for bed now.”

“Sam.”

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“You were going to ask if you could stay while I slept.”

Lucifer frowned. Was he really that transparent?

“I know you. I would have been surprised if you weren’t about to ask that.”

“Is that a yes?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No, Luci.”

“I didn’t disturb you last time.”

“Lucifer,” Sam said sternly.

Lucifer slouched and crossed his arms.

“I only let you stay last night because you were still wound up about everything that happened. You know I’m going to be fine now. There’s no reason for you to stay in my room all night.”

No reason except that I _need_ to be near you, Lucifer thought. “Understood.”

“No pouting.”

“I am not pouting,” Lucifer grumped.

“Out,” Sam ordered pointing to the door.

Standing Lucifer made his way to the hallway. Walking through the door he exerted a little of his will to dimension shift slightly until Sam would no longer be able to see him. Sighing he sat down and leaned back against the doorframe to Sam’s room. Sam had never asked where Lucifer went at nights and Lucifer had never felt compelled to share. If he couldn’t be in the same room then waiting outside of Sam’s room was the next best thing. He had no idea what he would do if Sam discovered where he spent the time and ordered him farther away.

*-*-*-*-*

Frowning Lucifer cocked his head. He could have sworn he had heard something. Listening carefully he waited. After a few seconds he heard a soft noise from inside Sam’s room. Lucifer stood and stared at the door. Should he check on Sam? Still partially dimension shifted Sam wouldn’t be able to see him if Sam was awake. It’d still be breaking my word though, Lucifer thought. As he mulled it over he heard the sound again. Lucifer let out an involuntary whine of frustration.

_Luci._

Lucifer’s head shot up and he stared at the door in shock. That was definitely Sam’s voice. Pained and terrified, but definitely Sam. The problem was he had heard it inside his head. Had he imagined hearing Sam?

_Please?_

Nope. Didn’t imagine it and definitely didn’t imagine the fear. Without a second thought Lucifer rushed into Sam’s bedroom. The blanket was half on and half off of Sam, and twisted around one leg. One arm was wrapped around his middle and the other was stretched outward as if reaching for something. 

_Luci._

Sam’s lips didn’t move as Lucifer heard Sam calling for him. Without a second thought Lucifer sat down on the edge of the bed and placed his fingers to Sam’s head. Entering the dream Lucifer immediately found himself in intense pain. He was laying on the ground with Michael standing over him.

_“You think my brother’s going to save you? He spent eons trying to get out of here and you shoved him right back in. You’re lucky he’s not torturing you as we speak.”_

_Lucifer tried to retaliate but he couldn’t seem to move. His body didn’t seem to want to work. Lucifer struggled to understand why._

_“If it weren’t for you he’d still be free. And you really think he’s going to come rescue you, Sam?”_

_That was why, Lucifer realized. Sam couldn’t move. He could. He just had to separate himself from Sam. Focusing his mind, Lucifer carefully pulled himself out of Sam’s body. The second he was himself again he lunged at Michael._

_“No,” Michael bellowed as Lucifer collided into him._

_Icy rage took over and Lucifer blacked out. By the time his mind caught up with him, he was sitting on top of a bleeding Michael still pummeling him. All he could think of was how much pain Sam had been in. He would kill Michael for harming his Sam._

_“Luci,” Sam whispered weakly._

_Stopping, Lucifer turned to Sam. Sam was lying on the ground almost completely covered in his own blood. He had one hand reaching out feebly towards him. Lucifer scrambled off of his brother and over to Sam._

_“I’m here, Sam. I’m here,” he said taking Sam’s hand gently._

_“Hurts.”_

_“I know. Shh, baby, I know. Don’t speak, it’ll only hurt more.”_

_“Don’t leave?”_

_“Never Sam, I swear.”_

*-*-*-*-*

Sam yawned deeply and wondered if he should get up or not. He was pretty comfortable, maybe he should sleep a little bit longer. Turning over he came face to face with Lucifer. Startled, Sam jumped and jarred his injury painfully. Wincing he rubbed his hand over his chest.

“What the fuck, Lucifer?”

“I didn’t mean to stay. It’s just-”

“Why the hell did you even come in here?”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“How could you not mean to?”

“Well, I didn’t at first, but then you called for me and-”

“I was asleep!”

“Yes, but-”

“There’s no way I invited you in while I was asleep!”

“I didn’t say you invited me in, exactly. I said-”

“I don’t want to hear it. How do I even know you don’t come in when I’m sleeping all the time?”

“I don’t.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?”

“I can explain this.”

“No. No explaining. Just leave.”

“I really can explain. I didn’t mean-”

“I said leave!”

“Sam-”

“No. Out. Now.”

Lucifer stood up and eyed Sam for a moment. Finally he walked to the door. Stopping he turned to look back over his shoulder. “You _did_ call out for me,” Lucifer stated indignantly before finally leaving.

No way in hell, Sam thought. Lucifer had to be lying. There was absolutely no way Sam had, while asleep, asked Lucifer to join him in bed. How was he even supposed to believe that? Lucifer definitely had to be lying. Sam crossed his arms over his chest angrily. After a few second he lowered his brows and frowned. He could usually tell when Lucifer was lying about something. This didn’t feel the same. What was the alternative? Lucifer was telling the truth? Damn it! Standing up Sam grabbed a pair of pants and pulled them on. Leaving his bedroom he set out to find Lucifer.

.

Lucifer watched as Sam stormed passed him and down the hall. Partial phased out of the material dimension Sam couldn’t have seen him, but it still pissed off Lucifer even more. Sam hadn’t even given him a chance to explain what had happened before throwing him out of the room. Sam was probably getting ready to throw him out of the bunker as well. Didn’t matter, Lucifer decided. I knew better than to let myself have feelings for a _human_ , Lucifer thought before letting himself drift back to the pit.

*-*-*-*-*

Damn it, Sam growled internally. He had completely searched the bunker and still couldn’t find Lucifer. Maybe Lucifer was sulking outside? Ridiculous, Sam realized. Lucifer wouldn’t hang around outside sulking. He would meet the problem head on or walk away. Sam stopped walking. The more he thought about it the more logical it sounded. Lucifer getting fed up and leaving? It sounded just like him. Damn it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you kill me I can't fix things for the boys... :( Promise it'll get better for them eventually.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do honestly keep trying to put more fluffiness into it. It's just that I'm more of angst writer than fluff... Sorry. :(

“What’s gotten into you lately,” Dean asked sounding annoyed.

“Nothing,” Sam snapped.

“Then why do you try to bite my head off every time I try to talk to you?”

“Maybe because you insist on smothering me,” Sam shot back.

“See, that’s exactly what I mean. Every time I turn around you snap at me for no reason.”

“Well then, maybe you should leave me alone!”

“This isn’t like you Sam. What’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on with me, Dean.”

“Is it Lucifer?”

Sam’s head shot sideways to stare at his brother.

“I mean, are you having hallucinations again?”

“No,” Sam answered tersely.

“I know you’ve had a few, Sam. I’ve heard you saying his name sometimes.”

“When,” Sam demanded.

“Sometimes I check up on you okay. A few times I’ve heard you talking to someone. I can’t always hear what you’re saying but I have heard his name a few times.”

“I am not having hallucinations, Dean.”

“You were talking with Lucifer, Sammy.”

“You really want to know what’s been going on with me?”

“Yeah, Sammy, I do.”

“For whatever reason Lucifer and I have a connection.”

“A connection,” Dean replied flatly.

“Yes. And for some fucked up reason it allows him to do some… some… weird kind of astral projection type thing.”

“Uh huh.”

“I’m not crazy Dean.”

“You do know how this sounds right?”

“I am not crazy. It really is him. Well, sort of him.”

“Oh, only sort of?”

“He can’t actually leave the pit so he’s not technically here by human standards.”

“Isn’t that, like, the actual definition of hallucination?”

“He says the same thing.”

“How convenient.”

“He says it’s different by angel standards.”

“Of course it is.”

“Look, you asked. If you’re just going to complain why am I telling you any of this?”

“I’m not complaining. I’m just trying to make you see he’s not really there. It’s in your head Sam.”

Groaning Sam brought his hands to his head as a sharp pain stabbed into it.

_Shh, Sam. It’ll be okay, the pain is only in your mind. You have to stop thinking about it, Sam._

Pain shot through the rest of his body causing him to shudder violently.

_I know, I know, Lucifer whispered softly. I would heal you if I could, but I can’t down here. Shh baby, it’ll be better in time._

_Hurts, Luci._

_I know, baby. Don’t think about it, focus on me okay?_

“Sammy? Sam!”

Dean? What was Dean doing in the pit?

“Sam what’s wrong? Tell me what’s going on.”

“Dean?”

“It’s me Sam, it’s me. What’s wrong?”

Looking around Sam realized they were in the bunker’s living room and not the pit.

“What happened just now Sam,” Dean asked concerned.

“I don’t know. I think it was a memory.”

“A memory?”

“Of something that happened when I was in the pit.”

“Of Lucifer torturing you?”

“I think… I think he was trying to comfort me,” Sam stated hesitantly.

“Comfort?”

“I’m not sure, it’s still kind of fuzzy.”

_“Michael hurt you. To be honest, I hurt you too.”_

“I think he tried to help me when Michael would hurt me.”

“Why? Whoa,” Dean said holding up his hands as Sam scowled at him. "I’m not trying to be confrontational here. I’m only asking why he would torture you and then comfort you if it wasn’t just to hurt you more later?”

Sam didn’t answer immediately. He had never thought about it that way. Everything had sounded so logical when Lucifer had talked about it. What if Dean was right? _"You were mine. Michael was hurting you and you were mine. Mine to use yes, but also mine to protect. Mine to love. I couldn’t let Michael hurt you."_ It had sounded like the truth at the time.

“I believe him Dean.”

“Sam,” Dean admonished. 

“I know when he’s lying to me. I can’t explain how but I just know.”

“He’s the king of lies Sam.”

“I know when he’s lying or telling the truth. I can’t tell you how, I just know it. Damn it, Dean why can’t you trust me?”

“It’s not you I don’t trust, it’s him.”

“I’m done with this," Sam shouted as he stormed off heading for his bedroom. Stomping up the stairs Sam fumed internally. Why the hell couldn’t Dean accept that he knew what he was talking about when it came to Lucifer. Reaching the top of the stairs Sam turned sharply and headed down the hallway. As he made it to his room Sam flung the door open and took one step into the room before he froze. Lucifer stood in the middle of the room, arms cross, glaring.

“Not one word Sam Winchester. You didn’t like it when I yelled at you in the car and I didn’t much care for it when you yelled at me the other morning. We’re even now. _Now_ I get to explain what happened without you cutting me off every time. After I’m finished I’m leaving so you don’t have to worry about me being here any longer.”

“No,” Sam began as he stepped into the room and shut the door.

Lucifer uncrossed his arms and strode forward.

“Oh yes. I actually get to explain what happened the other morning whether you like it or not,” Lucifer growled.

“That’s not what I meant,” Sam replied quietly.

Cocking his head Lucifer examined him for a moment. “Explain.”

“I meant, you don’t have to leave. I tried to find you right after we argued. I was still mad but I realized you weren’t lying. I wanted to let you explain then but you were already gone.”

“I see,” Lucifer answered noncommittally.

“Before you explain I’d like to apologize for cutting you off over and over.”

“I see,” Lucifer repeated, crossing his arms again. “Despite what you think, you _did_ call out for me.”

“I don’t remember that,” Sam told him honestly.

“You wouldn’t. You were sleeping.”

“I talk in my sleep?”

“No.”

Sam stared at Lucifer, thoroughly confused.

“Perhaps it would be more accurate to state you reached out to me with your mind.” 

Sam’s brows lowered, even more confused.

“You did not ‘speak’ as you would think of it. Your mind called out to me.”

“How?”

“You do not like repetition.”

“I don’t understand that.”

“You were made for me, Sam. I possessed you for a while, we spent time together in the pit. We’re connected.”

“So… you can read my mind,” Sam asked questioningly.

“No,” Lucifer stated hesitantly. “Or maybe? I have never tried.” 

“Then I don’t get it. If I didn’t speak and you didn’t read my thoughts then how?”

“I told you, you called out to me. Your mind reached out to me. I didn’t _read_ your thoughts, you _projected_ them to me.”

“Instead of just thinking of you I spoke to you, I just didn’t speak verbally? Something like that?”

Cocking his head, Lucifer seemed to ponder that for a moment.

“You could explain it like that I suppose.”

Sam nodded and moved to sit on the edge of his bed. 

“Sam…”

“Yeah?”

“I am not finished explaining yet, but… May I ask…” 

“Ask what?”

“Your injury…”

“How is it doing?”

“Yes,” Lucifer stated quietly, turning away.

“Hey.”

“What,” Lucifer asked without turning back.

Sam stood and walked across the room until he was standing in front of Lucifer.

“It’s good, okay?”

Lucifer turned away again and gave a small nod. 

Sam walked back to his bed and sat down again. “If you want to finish explaining I’ll listen,” he said softly.

“Nightmare,” Lucifer whispered.

“What?”

“You were having a nightmare about the pit.”

“What happened?”

“Michael was… ‘hurting’ you.” Lucifer sighed heavily and sat down on the bed a few feet away from Sam. Without turning to Sam, Lucifer continued. “Remember when I told you about the first time I stopped Michael from hurting you?”

“I remember you telling me about one of those times. I don’t know if it was the first one.”

“The first time you called me Luci?”

“I remember.”

“You were dreaming about that.”

Sam chewed his lower lip as he thought about that for a while. “You can see my dreams,” he asked finally.

“If I choose to, yes.”

“How many times have you chosen to?”

“Twice,” Lucifer whispered.

“Last night?”

Lucifer nodded.

“The first time?”

“Some time before you insisted on going to the bunker the so that you could get away from me. You were injured then, as well.”

“You don’t know exactly when?”

“No. You were angry at me in that dream. I left to give you space. I do not know how long it was here before I returned. Time passes differently in the pit.”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed. “What was that dream about?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Yes I do.”

“Very well, then I do not wish to tell you.”

Sam chewed his lower lip briefly. “Please,” he asked.

“It was not something that actually happened. In the dream I was hurting Dean to force you into saying yes to me.”

Sam thought about that before answering. “You wouldn’t do that,” he stated.

Lucifer turned to Sam and frowned. “How can you be so sure?”

“I would never have said yes if you hurt Dean. You wanted me to say yes so you wouldn’t hurt Dean before hand.”

Lucifer looked away. “I hurt him afterward.”

Sam chose not to respond to that remark. 

“I can interact with the dreams somewhat,” Lucifer admitted.

Sam sat up straighter. “How so?”

“In the dream, the first one, I smote the me that was harming Dean.”

“Really?”

“It was causing you pain. I just wanted it to stop.”

“You smote yourself for me? Wow, that’s…” 

“It was a dream Sam.”

“Lucifer?”

“Yes?”

“Did you call me baby when we were in the pit?”

“You said you did not remember,” Lucifer said as he turned to look at Sam in surprise.

“I didn’t. Still don’t really. I think bits of it are coming back.”

“What parts,” Lucifer asked cautiously.

“Not much. I think I remember you saying the pain was only in my mind.”

Lucifer’s eyes slid closed. “I told you that many times. Some of those times were after _I_ had hurt you.”

“I didn’t get the feeling that you were the one that had hurt me that time.”

“It doesn’t help, but thank you for trying.”

“You wanted to heal me.”

“Can’t use my powers in the pit.”

Sam scooted closer to Lucifer and put a hand on Lucifer’s leg. He waited until Lucifer finally looked up. “Thank you for the thought.”

“The thought didn’t help you, though.”

“You’re wrong, you know.”

Lucifer cocked his head to the right and raised an eyebrow.

“I think it’s those moments that allowed me to survive being there. Lucifer?”

“Yes,” Lucifer answered tentatively. 

“I’m sorry I blew up and didn’t give you a chance to explain.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t stop you when you left your room. I had figured you would be looking for me but I was still angry.”

“You saw me leave my room?”

“I…" Lucifer hesitated. "Sometimes I partially shift into a side dimension.”

“Side dimension?”

“Not important right now. The point is, I was standing by your door when you left your room and I didn’t try to stop you. Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“There is something else I should probably tell you. When I leave your room at nights I spend my time sitting just outside of the room.”

“You what?”

“I won’t do it anymore, I’ll go somewhere else. I mean, if you were serious about me not having to leave. If you want me to leave…” 

“No.” Sam wrapped his arms around himself as he thought back on the few memories he did have from the pit. He knew the pit had been far worse than any of the memories. There was no way he would send Lucifer back there for something as small as sleeping just outside the bedroom.

“Sam?”

“It’s nothing. Yes, I was serious, you can stay as long as you want.”

Lucifer gave him a sad smile. “Not exactly.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t stay away from the pit for too long. The longest I can go is almost two of your days before I have to return to spend some time in the pit.”

“But you’ve been in the bunker for longer than that.”

“No. Every morning I tell you I’m heading off to spend time alone. You never sense that as a lie because it technically isn’t a lie. It’s just that every other day I return to the pit to spend time alone there.”

“What do you do on the other days?”

“I spend most of that time walking around outside of the bunker.”

“Why?”

“To make sure you are safe.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Lucifer shrugged. “It wasn’t your problem.”

“The hell it’s not. The parts of being in the pit I remember are miserable. I can only imagine what it would be like if I remembered everything.”

“I’d rather you didn’t remember any more than you already have. You have already suffered too much.”

“And you haven’t?”

“I defied Father. I knew I would be punished for my actions.”

“The pit’s not punishment, it’s cruelty. If that’s God’s idea of a just punishment-”

“Careful Sam,” Lucifer growled.

“Or what? He’ll ‘punish’ me too,” Sam spat out.

“That is _not_ completely out of the realm of possibilities, but no. That’s not what I meant. It’s my father you’re talking about. It would be the same as me insulting Dean.”

“It’s not the same. Dean wouldn’t do something like to a person even if he hated them.”

“You perceive the pit as a mortal Sam. It wasn’t made for mortals.”

“I don’t care who it was made for,” Sam huffed.

“No punishment for a mortal would be suitable for an angel. It had to be worse than anything mortals could stand.”

“Still don’t care,” Sam complained.

Much to his surprise Lucifer smiled. For perhaps the first time Sam noted how nice the angel’s eyes looked when he smiled. Sam frowned at that thought. Was he seriously checking out Lucifer?

“Sam? Is something wrong?”

Lucifer was tense and his face was full of concern. It reminded Sam of how Lucifer had looked the morning after Lucifer had watched him sleep. Sam shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“Not important,” Sam answered dismissively. Had he seriously been checking out Lucifer or was he over-reacting? Before he could ponder it too long there was a soft knock on his door. Sam quickly glanced sideways to Lucifer before standing and walking to the door. When he opened it Dean was standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey,” Dean said, shrugging a shoulder.

“Hey,” Sam replied.

“Can I, uh, come in for a minute,” Dean asked.

Sam glanced back to Lucifer.

“I’ll wait outside,” Lucifer told him.

Sam gave the barest of nods as acknowledgement before turning back to Dean.

“Yeah sure,” Sam said stepping aside to let Dean enter.

Dean walked in and inspected the room. Sam followed Lucifer with his eyes until the angel was finally through the door. He gave a moment’s thought to closing the door but decided against it. “What’s up,” he asked Dean.

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know.”

“We going to be okay?”

“We always are.”

“I guess.”

“Hey Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not crazy.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It really is him I’m talking with.”

“Sammy…”

“No, I know it’s really him. Maybe he is a hallucination in a sense but it’s really his consciousness.”

Dean brought a hand up and rubbed it over his face.

“I didn’t come up here to start arguing again, Sammy.”

“I’m not arguing. I’m just saying it’s really him.”

“If you say so.”

“Sam,” Lucifer said quietly.

Looking up Sam saw Lucifer standing in the doorway.

“There might be a way I can help.”

Sam shook his head. “He can’t see you and I’m tired of trying to hide that I _can_ see you.”

“I know a spell that might help,” Lucifer volunteered.

“There’s no one else here Sam,” Dean said tiredly.

“If you get a pen, I will tell you what you need and how to cast the spell. It should let him see me.”

“Should?”

“Sam,” Dean began before Sam shushed him.

“What you mean by should?”

“I know the spell because it’s common knowledge, at least to archangels. We were created with certain information already in our minds. I’ve never cast it nor seen it cast before, though.”

“So you don’t really know what will happen?”

“I know what _should_ happen,” Lucifer countered.

“Damn it,” Sam muttered. “Fine, let me get a pen.”

*-*-*-*-*

“If this doesn’t work then that’s it, okay? We’re not doing this again.” Dean huffed.

“I already said okay, didn’t I,” Sam snapped at Dean.

“I can’t believe I’m letting you cast a spell a hallucination told you to cast.”

“He’s not a hallucination.”

“Technically by your standards I actually am,” Lucifer pointed out.

“And you shut it,” Sam snapped at Lucifer.

“Now what’s he saying,” Dean asked.

“He’s agreeing with you,” Sam muttered.

“Sam, if even your hallucination agrees with me then maybe we shouldn’t be doing this.”

“No. You promised.”

“Fine, but just this once,” Dean consented.

“Besides,” Lucifer interjected, “I’m only agreeing that I’m a hallucination by human standards, not that we shouldn’t do the spell.”

“Both of you, hush,” Sam ordered. “I can’t even hear myself think between the both of you bickering at me. I can only imagine what it’s going to be like if the spell works. Maybe we really shouldn’t do this.”

“I’m good with that,” Dean replied.

“No,” Lucifer shot back. “He has to know you’re telling the truth Sam.”

“Whatever. Just, both of you, stop talking,” Sam repeated.

“Whatever, let’s just get this over with," Dean bitched.

Lucifer stuck his tongue out at Dean. 

Sam glanced over to Lucifer. “What are you, five? Stop that.”

Lucifer crossed his arms and sulked.

“What’s he doing now,” Dean questioned.

“Nothing. I swear, the two of you are enough to to drive anyone insane,” Sam grumbled.

.

Insane… _‘If the caster of the spell is mortal there is a chance that the receiving party will receive memories the casting party may not have previously been aware of. These memories may or may not begin to surface in the caster. Caution should be used to ensure that these memories were not specifically hidden from the caster to keep them from being driven insane…’_

“Stop,” Lucifer shouted.

Sam jumped. “Jesus Lucifer. You don’t have to shout, were in the same room.”

“What is it,” Dean asked immediately.

“You can’t do this Sam.”

“Why not,” Sam demanded.

“Because I said so,” Lucifer told him.

“That’s not a good excuse. Give me one valid reason.”

Lucifer gave a low whine in the back of his throat. If he lied to Sam, Sam would know. If he told Sam the truth Sam would still perform the spell. The Winchester’s were like that. Both of them, completely reckless with their lives.

“I’m waiting,” Sam told him.

“Because,” Lucifer answered dropping his head. “You might end up getting more memories of the pit. Those memories are blocked for a reason Sam. Remembering them too soon or at all might be enough to drive you insane.”

When Sam didn’t respond immediately Lucifer shifted his eyes to look at him. Sam was deep in thought. Probably talking himself into how he can live with that if it happens, Lucifer thought to himself.

“I can deal with that,” Sam replied.

“Please, don’t?”

Instead of answering Sam began the spell. 

For the first time in many, many, _many_ years, Lucifer prayed. _‘Father I know I do not deserved to ask You for anything anymore, but if You have any small piece of love left for me or You still care about the humans You once asked me to love, please do not let this harm my Sam. I’m willing to do anything, Father. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll plead, beg or grovel. I’ll apologize and admit I was wrong. I’ll even do my best to try to love humanity as You’ve asked so long ago. Just please, please, do not let this harm my Sam. Please Father?’_

Lucifer watched Sam intently as he completed the spell. Nothing happened.

“Well,” Sam asked.

It took Lucifer a minute to realize Sam was addressing him.

“I don’t know. I told you, I’ve never seen it cast before. Perhaps it takes some time?”

“How much time?” 

Before Lucifer could answer him a sharp, searing pain slammed through him. Lucifer was unaware of the cry of pain that escaped his lips as he fell to the ground writhing in agony. The pain burned well past anything he had ever experienced searing through his entire being. It felt as though someone were pulling him apart piece by agonizing piece. Suddenly Sam was kneeling next to him. Lucifer tried to reach out but couldn’t make his muscles move. If he could just touch Sam once more… As the blackness finally engulfed him the last thing Lucifer heard was Sam calling out to him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this started way darker. I did manage to lighten it up some. :( Sorry, sorry... I'm usually a darker writer. Writing light stuff is hard for me. I still promise it gets better for them later. There is reasons for stuff. Things will become clear eventually.

Lucifer groaned and curled himself into a ball. Everything still hurt but at least the pain had subsided to a chronic ache as opposed to the excruciating torture it was previously. Even with his lids closed light still assaulted his eyes. Lucifer squeezed them shut as tight as possible. The sun was warm on his skin, that much at least was nice. Wait, sun?

Cocking an eye open slightly Lucifer squinted, trying to make out his surroundings. At first he couldn’t see anything through the brightness. Slowly his eyes adjusted to the light. Tombstones? He opened both eyes and looked around as much as he could without moving too much. Was he in a cemetery? As the time ticked by he began to recognize the place. He was in Stull Cemetery. This was the place where he was supposed to fight Michael but instead Sam had gained control and trapped them all in the pit.

*-*-*-*-*

_“Luci,” Sam whispered._

_“I am here. I will not leave you.”_

_“Please?”_

_“Never Sam.”_

_“Lucifer,” Michael shouted._

_They looked up to see Michael standing not ten feet away._

_“You will leave him alone,” Lucifer growled tightening his grip on Sam._

_“Make me,” Michael spat back._

Dean shot bolt upright in his bed. What the absolute fuck? Why the fuck was he having dreams about Sam and Lucifer, Dean wondered angrily. Shoving the covers back Dean ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair. Finally he managed to slow his breathing back to normal. Getting out of the bed he made his way to the bathroom and grabbed the cup by the sink. He poured himself a glass of water from the sink and downed it.

.

Sam sat on his bed with his eyes closed. Focusing as hard as possible he tried his best to ‘project’ his thoughts to Lucifer. Not knowing how it should feel and not receiving any form of response, he had no clue if he was being successful or not. If he only knew that his thoughts were getting through...

Not long after Lucifer had fallen to the ground obviously in massive pain he had simply vanished. If Sam had any clue where to look for Lucifer he would have left to find him right then. He was terrified Lucifer had been pulled back into the pit and it had been _his_ fault. Lucifer had tried to tell him not to cast the spell. If he hadn’t would Lucifer still be here?

*-*-*-*-*

_…Luci?_

“Sam,” Lucifer asked turning in a circle. Of course Sam was nowhere to be seen. Why would Sam project his thoughts at Lucifer if he were here? Lucifer tried to respond even though he knew it wouldn’t do any good. His power was drained right now and he had never been able to speak to Sam this way. Sam’s mental defenses were too good. If he ever got the chance he would have to show Sam how to let certain things through while keeping others out.

_I’m sorry._

The sharp sorrow behind those words stung. Sam honestly believed whatever had happened had been his fault. Lucifer knew better. It wasn’t Sam’s fault at all, it was his. He should have thought things through first. If he had taken the time to run through all the information on the spell he might not have suggested it. That Sam was taking blame that rightfully belong to him was unacceptable. He had to find Sam and fix this.

*****

He had been walking for several hours before he found a small town. Several people had passed him but none had stopped. Lucifer couldn’t blame them. He knew how he looked. If he had been human he might not have stopped for someone that looked as dirty and dishevelled as he did either. Lucifer eyed the various people trying to find the person least likely to flee if he approached them for information.

As he stood there observing something hit him on the backs of his feet. Startled, Lucifer jumped and turned quickly. Perhaps it was because he has spent so long as the outcast. Perhaps it was the time he spent in the pit both without and with Michael. Perhaps it was because he has no experience actually interacting with humanity. Whatever it was Lucifer braced himself for an attack when he suddenly found himself looking down at a child who couldn’t be any older than seven. The little girl looked up at him and grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry Mister,” she said.

“Sorry,” Lucifer repeated back, confused.

“For hitting you with my ball.”

She pointed to the side and Lucifer glanced to where she indicated. A soccer ball rested two feet to his left. Lucifer reached down and picked the ball up, inspecting it. It was heavier than he thought it would be and worn looking like it has seen better days.

“Mister?”

He turned back to the girl. 

“Can I have my ball back, please?”

Lucifer glanced at the ball once more before kneeling down and handing it to her. 

“Here you are.”

“Thanks Mister.”

“Do you know where we are,” Lucifer asked.

“Lawrence, Kansas,” she replied promptly, obviously proud she knew the the answer.

Lucifer smiled indulgently at her. “You must be very bright,” he told her.

“I know my whole address,” she answered still grinning.

“Definitely a very smart little girl then.”

“My mom thinks so.” 

Smart or not, she was still very young. Lucifer thought for a moment before asking her another question. “Do you know which way it is to the state capital?”

The girl grinned and pointed to the west. “I gotta go, I’m not supposed to leave my yard.”

“Then you had better get back. I wouldn’t want you to get into any trouble.”

“Later, Mister,” the girl said as she waved enthusiastically. Looking left, right and then left once more the girl crossed the road and dropped the ball into the yard of the house just across the street. Looking back to him she waved once again. Lucifer raised a hand and waved back awkwardly. 

West. West to Topeka meant West to Lebanon; West to the bunker. If he knew either of the Winchester’s phone numbers this would be easier. If his power wasn’t so drained he could pop back to the bunker instantly. As it was his only choice right now was to walk.

*-*-*-*-*

Both Winchester’s sat at the kitchen table picking at their breakfast. Sam knew why he didn’t feel like eating right now but Dean was always hungry. Something was wrong. He should try to talk to Dean about it but he was still too worried about Lucifer. Had he done the spell wrong and somehow caused the pain Lucifer had gone through? That seemed like the easiest answer. Sam was sure Lucifer would have returned if he could. That had to mean that something was preventing Lucifer from coming back.

“Sam,” Dean said quietly.

Sam looked up and saw Dean still staring intently at his breakfast.

“What’s up,” Sam asked.

Dean poked at his food with his fork a few times. “Nothing.”

Sam frowned. “What is it Dean?”

“I think I had a dream about you in the pit,” Dean answered without looking up from his food. “I mean, I know I had a dream about you in the pit. I just don’t know if it was real or not.”

Sam’s frown deepened. Dean was dreaming about the pit? “What happened in the dream?”

“You were… Lucifer was…” Dean shoved his plate away and made a disgusted noise. “This is stupid.”

“What happened Dean,” Sam demanded.

“Lucifer was holding you.”

“Okay,” Sam replied slowly.

“You didn’t…”

“I didn’t what Dean?”

“Neither of you were dressed.”

Sam dropped his fork.

“I told you this was stupid,” Dean mumbled. Pushing his chair back Dean stood up and left the kitchen.

Sam continued to stare at the empty chair for several minutes before blinking a few times. Lucifer. Holding him. Naked. The words wouldn’t make sense in his mind no matter how much he repeated them. 

_“Did something happen between us in the pit?”_

_“Not if you don’t remember it.”_

Sam sat in complete shock. No. There had to be another explanation.

.

After an hour of walking a truck pulled up slowly behind him. Lucifer turned his head and looked back over his shoulder. A woman stuck her head out of the driver’s window and asked if he needed a ride. Turning all the way around Lucifer made his way to the truck on the shoulder of the road. 

“I would appreciate it, if you don’t mind,” he told her honestly. The quicker he got back to Sam the better. After hearing Sam trying to contact him he knew that Sam was alive. What he didn’t know was if Sam had been hurt. Lucifer suppressed a shiver as he remembered the brutal pain he had suffered through after the spell.

“Where are you headed,” the woman asked.

“Lebanon.”

The woman gave a low whistle. “I’m not going that far but I can take you into Topeka. You can catch a bus from there.”

“No money,” Lucifer informed her.

She gave another low whistle. “Well hop in then. I’ll take you to Topeka at least.”

Lucifer gave a nod and made his way to the passenger door. As he reached for the handle he hesitated. He hated riding in vehicles. Cursing himself he remind himself Castiel had done this many times and never complained. Opening the door he climbed inside. After shutting the door he waited. The woman stared at him for several seconds and raised an eyebrow.

“Well?”

“Well what,” he asked.

“Seat belt,” she said pulling at the strap of material crossing her chest.

Lucifer frowned. Following the strap backward he noted it was connected to the side of the vehicle. Turning he checked for one on his side. Finding it he pulled the strap out and across himself. Shifting his eyes he checked the other end of the woman’s ‘seat belt’. It seemed to attach to another piece where the bottom of the seat joined to the back. He checked for one near him and found it. Fumbling a few times he managed to finally click the pieces together. 

He glanced back to the woman. With a nod she finally turned forward and started driving. Lucifer sighed in relief. How would he even have explained not knowing about seat belts? As an angel he had never used one before. At least he knew what it felt like to ride in a vehicle. He wasn’t particularly fond of them but if it got him to Sam faster he would put up with almost anything.

“So what’s your name,” the woman asked.

Lucifer opened his mouth to answer and promptly shut it. He couldn’t go around telling everyone he was the devil. He needed to find a different name to use. “Sam,” he answered.

“I’m Christine,” she told him. “So what’s in Lebanon?”

Lucifer tried to come up with an answer that didn’t include Sam. A lot of humans were notoriously bigoted when it came to same gender relationships. “I have family there,” he replied.

“Brothers? Sisters?”

“Um, a brother. Named Dean,” Lucifer mumbled.

“He couldn’t come pick you up?”

“He’s, uh, taking care of my significant other for me.”

“Ah. What’s her name?”

Lucifer racked his brain trying to come up with another name he could use. Suddenly he smiled. “Luci,” he answered.

“That’s a pretty name,” Christine said.

“I like it,” Lucifer agreed.

*****

By the time they had pulled into Topeka Lucifer was sorry he was going to have to leave her company. If he was cautious about it he could and did talk to her about how much he cared for Sam. He was careful when referring to himself or Sam to keep the names straight. As he prepared to leave she stopped him and took him to a bus terminal.

“I don’t have any money,” he reminded her.

“I’ve got this. Don’t worry about it. If you want to repay me you can find someone else who needs something and help them.” 

Lucifer thought about the proposition. “Agreed.”

“Now go so you can get back to taking care of Luci.”

Lucifer smiled. “Thank you, Christine.”

“You’re welcome, Sam. Now go before you miss your bus.”

****

Just over three hours after the time he had boarded the bus Lucifer found himself in Lebanon, Kansas. All in all it hadn’t taken that long but he was still grateful it was over. There were too many people all crammed into that piece of metal hurtling down the road. Not that any of the people bothered him. It was more that he just didn’t like large crowds, especially when he didn’t have the ability to tap into his Grace right now.

He didn’t quite run, but he didn’t quite walk either. Any faster and his pace would probably be called jogging. Slow down, Lucifer warned himself. He didn’t need to draw any unnecessary attention to himself this close to the bunker. This close to Sam. The thought of Sam, of course, kept him from being able to slow his pace. He _needed_ to know if Sam was alright. He _had_ to know. 

_And what will you do if he is not alright_ , his mind asked.

Lucifer growled at the thought. Sam would be fine. All he had to do now was just get to Sam and he would be fine as well. Lucifer simply refused to believe that Sam would not be fine when he arrived. I heard his voice, he reminded himself, I heard him calling out to me.

*****

Even at the brisk pace he set it was still nearly two hours later before he reached the bunker, some five miles out of town. It was only when he tried to enter that he realized something he should have already known. He was no longer incorporeal. Yes, he had already known it on some level. Picking up the soccer ball for the girl in Lawrence. Having to actually open the door on Christine’s truck. The fact that others could see him. Lucifer ran his fingers over the door to the bunker temporarily lost in thought. 

He was corporeal. He could touch things, move things, be seen. How, he wondered. Did it have anything to do with the spell that had been cast? Lucifer ran through all of the information surrounding the spell. No, he decided. The spell was specifically designed to work on only one person. Then how, he wondered again. Another thought struck him. If he was corporeal now, was he completely free of the cage? If he was freed from the cage then was Michael free? If Michael was free… 

Sam. If Michael was free, Sam could be in danger. Instantly Lucifer’s attention was drawn back to the heavy metal door in front of him. Now that he was corporeal he could no longer walk through it. Trying the handle he found the door locked. He _had_ to get inside. Lucifer began banging on the door with his fist. If there was a chance Michael was free he would make his way here, there was no doubt in Lucifer’s mind. Dean was here and, as if Michael would need any other excuse, Sam was here. Michael’s true vessel and the object of his rage in the same location was too tempting for his brother to pass up Lucifer realized. He _needed_ to get inside. Now!

The door opened and Lucifer paused just long enough to establish that it was Dean that had opened the door. Dean stood, staring, with a look of surprise on his face. Lucifer shoved Dean out of the way. He had to find Sam. Heading for the stairs he took them two at a time as he ascended. Running down the hallway he threw open the door to Sam’s room. The second he saw Sam sitting in the chair at his desk Lucifer froze. For some reason his muscles refused to work.

“Come in and shut the door please,” Sam said softly.

Lucifer managed to take a few steps into the room and, without taking his eyes off of Sam, he shut the door. There was something in Sam’s voice that Lucifer couldn’t place. Lucifer took two more steps forward before stopping once more.

“Sam,” Lucifer whispered nervously.

“You weren’t going to tell me were you?”

Lucifer blinked several times trying to follow what Sam meant.

“I don’t understand to what you are referencing,” he answered carefully.

“Sex, Lucifer.”

The tone in Sam’s voice made Lucifer shiver. 

“If you…” Lucifer licked his lips before he tried again. “If you didn’t remember…”

“Then what,” Sam asked quietly as he slowly pushed the chair backward. Sam stood every bit as slowly as he had pushed the chair back. “If I didn’t remember than I didn’t deserve to know about it?”

Words eluded Lucifer. There was so much he wanted to say, but for some reason he couldn’t remember how to talk. 

“Well,” Sam asked.

Lucifer stood in the middle of the room staring at Sam’s back, struggling to speak. Finally Sam turned around. The utter and complete betrayal he saw in Sam’s eyes was gut wrenching. Unable to stand, Lucifer let himself drop to his knees. His head dropped forward and his eyes slid shut. 

“Why, Lucifer?”

“Why to what,” Lucifer whispered. 

“All of it,” Sam stated. “Why did you fuck me? Why did you hide it?” Sam’s voice rose as he continued. “Why weren’t you even going to tell me? Why did you think I didn’t deserve to know? Why to _all of it!_ ”

Lucifer sank farther until he was sitting on his ankles. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered brokenly.

“Sorry? And what? That makes it all better?”

Lucifer shook his head. 

“Why Lucifer? Answer me!”

The door behind him opened but Lucifer was too far gone to care who was here. 

“I wanted to keep you from being hurt.”

“So you lied to me?”

“I didn’t lie,” Lucifer disagreed quietly.

“Lie of omission, Lucifer!”

“Sammy?” 

Dean’s voice sounded wary and slightly anxious. 

“Not now,” Sam told his brother. “Later Dean.”

After a few seconds Lucifer heard the door shut softly.

“If you didn’t remember… I wasn’t sure if you would believe me.” Lucifer wrapped his arms around himself.

“Cut the crap. You know I can tell if you are lying to me.”

“Even if you believed me…”

“Then what?”

“Then our past might have upset you. Honestly? I didn’t want to be sent away,” Lucifer admitted quietly.

“You lying to me upset me!”

Lucifer flinched at the words.

“You remembered almost nothing. I worried you would take it out of context.”

“I still remember almost nothing. It took _Dean_ dreaming about it for _me_ to remember!” 

Lucifer’s head shot up and his eyes sought Sam’s.

“Dean dreamed of it?”

“That’s not the important thing right now,” Sam stated angrily.

“You still do not remember the context, Sam.”

“How would you know?”

“As you know me, I know you. If you truly wish to know all of why I kept this from you I will tell you.”

“So now you’ll tell me?”

“I would have told you before except I was ashamed Sam.”

There was a long pause and for a while Lucifer had hope he would not have to relive the horrors of his actions.

“Ashamed of what,” Sam asked cautiously.

“Myself,” Lucifer answered honestly. “I left you alone almost all the time. I couldn’t bare to look at you. Every time I looked at you I saw you broken and hurt, begging me to stop. Stop trying to destroy the world, to stop hurting Dean, to stop hurting you. I was angry at myself, but every time I saw you afterward I couldn’t stop myself from lashing out at you. I know every single time Michael hurt you. I listened to you scream in pain. I had to force myself not to intervene. I was terrified I would hurt you worse than he would.”

Another long pause.

“Then why did you come back to rescue me from Michael when you did?”

“It was the first time you called me Luci but there’s more to it. It was also the first time you actually called out for _me_. Usually you didn’t call for anyone. When you did it was usually Dean. Only once was it ever your father. That was the first moment you actually called for _my_ help. How could I _not_ respond?” 

“Lucifer,” Sam said quietly.

Lucifer whined softly. “I _am_ sorry, Sam.”

“That was not what I remembered.”

Lucifer shook his head. “It does not matter. You asked why I would keep our relationship from you. You needed to know about that to understand why I couldn’t tell you about the rest of it.”

“Will you tell me about it now?”

“Do you wish me to?”

“Yes.”

Lucifer nodded once before he began. “Michael attacked you every time the opportunity arose. Sometimes I would be too injured to defend you. Even so, most of those times I would still try. I only ever succeeded in getting injured further most of the time, but sometimes it was enough to draw his attention off of you.”

“You sacrificed yourself for me?”

“How could I not? No matter what Michael did to me I deserved it. I told you Sam, you were made for me; made for me to love and made for me to protect. I had abandoned my responsibility to you. After what I had done to you I needed to atone.”

“How did that lead to… other things?”

“I was weak,” Lucifer conceded. 

“I don’t understand.”

“After I rescued you from Michael several times you decided you needed to repay me.”

“I offered you sex?”

“Eventually. At first you would ask me what you could do to repay me. For a time after that you came up with suggestions as to how. I kept turning you down. How could take from you any more than I had already taken? The first time you offered me sex I was angry. I was sure you were merely offering it because I wanted you and not because you truly wanted it.”

Lucifer paused, remembering.

“And then what?”

“I left but you followed. I threatened to hurt you and you accepted. You told me that I had allowed Michael to hurt me instead of you often enough that, should I wish it, you would allow me to hurt you back.”

“Did you?”

Lucifer’s head shot up and he glared at Sam. “Of course not!”

“You’re angry I had to ask that? After what you’ve just revealed to me?”

Lucifer’s anger fled in the face of Sam’s chastisement. Of course Sam was justified in asking that. 

“What happened then?”

“Please don’t ask me to tell you any more Sam. Please?”

“Tell me, Luci,” Sam whispered.

Lucifer let out another soft whine. “You offered again and… I couldn’t help it. I am truly sorry Sam. Please believe that.”

“For taking me up on my offer?”

“Yes,” Lucifer whispered. “I had wanted you for so long I took you.”

“If I offered-”

“No, you aren’t understanding. I know everything about you Sam. I _knew_ you had never been with another man. I didn’t allow myself to think of you. I only thought of myself. I was not gentle. I did nothing to make it easier for you. Not even anything that people would do for others who _had_ been with another man. I just… took you,” Lucifer finished quietly.

The silence stretched on until Lucifer couldn’t bare it any longer.

“Sam,” he asked tentatively. 

“You said relationship. I don’t think once counts as a relationship,” Sam stated evenly.

“It wasn’t only once, it was just once like that,” Lucifer whispered.

“The other times?”

Lucifer unwrapped one arm from his middle and waved a hand dismissively. 

“The others were all about you. I tried to think of you and you only hoping that I might be able to make amends for some of what I had done to you. I hurt you, took advantage of you and I betrayed your trust.”

Lucifer shifted until he was seated on the floor and brought his knees up. Wrapping his arms around them he hid his face behind his knees and rocked back and forth slowly. “I never _wanted_ to hurt you. I had just wanted to be with you for so long I forgot to think of you when I… when I… I’ll leave,” Lucifer whispered.

“Luci.”

“Don’t. Please don’t Sam. It hurts too much.”

“Look at me please.”

“I can’t.”

“I want you to stay.”

Lucifer stopped rocking himself. 

“Please,” Sam asked.

Once again Lucifer found himself unable to speak. He couldn’t be hearing Sam correctly. Either that or Sam hadn’t understood what he had been saying.

“Please stay Luci,” Sam whispered.

“I am not certain you understood what I was saying.”

“I understood you,” Sam assured him. “I understand you made a mistake, a mistake I still can’t remember, and you spent the rest of the time trying to atone for that one mistake. I still want you to stay.”

“You don’t have to let me stay Sam. You have every right to ask me to leave.”

“I need you here.”

“Need?”

“You make me feel safe.”

“How? After what I’ve told you-”

“Shh. Stop. I get to decide who I do or don’t forgive Luci.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“I think you do, and my opinion is the one that matters.”

“Sam?”

“Luci?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too Luci.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all reviewers but special thanks to Lola for continued reviews. This is the first time I've written this ship and it makes me feel better about the story to know that someone doesn't think it's that bad. :)
> 
> P.S. Beware the feels.... just saying.

Laying on the bed Lucifer watched the door to Sam’s bedroom intently. His attention was split between listening for any noise out of the ordinary, feeling for Michael should he show, and paying attention to the warm body pressed against his back. If Michael did show he would know Lucifer was here the second Lucifer would know of him. Each hierarchy of angels had a range at which they could sense other angels. Archangels could sense all others before the others could sense them. If Michael were to show up there would be no element of surprise for either of them.

Sam shifted and Lucifer tensed. He waited to see if his thoughts had disturbed Sam or if this was ‘normal’ shifting. Finally Sam threw and arm over Lucifer and stilled. Normal shifting then, Lucifer decided. Sam had told him he couldn’t remember the last time he had slept eight hours in a row. Lucifer could remember Sam sleeping longer than that. In the pit, after they were together, sometimes Sam would sleep as long as ten hours. 

It disturbed Lucifer on some level that Sam was able to sleep better in the pit than in the material realm. On another level he felt pleased that he made Sam feel comfortable enough to sleep for longer. He could almost grasp why, though. Being near Sam also soothed the frayed edges of his own doubts and fears. Humans often referred to soul mates as ‘finding your other half’. For Lucifer, being near Sam was almost like being in Heaven once again. It was something he never thought he would ever want again after being separated from the feeling for so many years.

Lucifer knew he should allow himself to rest if he had any hopes of recharging his Grace at all. Frowning Lucifer felt for his Grace. Something felt different about it. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly what was different. It was more than just feeling drained. There was something familiar about the other feeling. Something Lucifer hadn’t felt since… since… Since he was cast from Heaven he realized.

_“Father?”_

He waited but there was no response. Should he have expected one? The longer he thought about it the more sure he was that he could once again feel his father’s love. He had spent so long without it he had almost convinced himself he had imagined how complete it could make one feel. His father’s love and his Sam curled up behind him, could anything ever feel any better than this?

That was when he felt it. There was another angel near the bunker. Immediately Lucifer’s mind sought out the presence trying to pinpoint a location. With his Grace depleted it was difficult to pinpoint more than a vague location and that they were about ten feet away from the bunker. Whoever it was, was definitely not Michael. I should know this angel, Lucifer realized. The feel of their Grace was extremely familiar. That their Grace should feel so familiar was odd. Lucifer hadn’t interacted with many angels in a _very_ long time.

He used a touch of the little bit of his remaining Grace to port out from underneath Sam’s arm. Standing at the door he turned and stared back at his Sam. Sam shifted and wrapped his arms around himself. Lucifer stifled the whine in the back of his throat. He _had_ to protect his Sam. Making his way to the door of the bunker he waited. As he waited he inspected the Grace of the angel approaching trying to ascertain who it might be. 

The angel reached the door to the bunker and Lucifer heard a noise behind him. With a shift of his eyes he noted Dean coming down the stairs. Lucifer phased himself enough into a side dimension to be invisible to the mortal perception. This close the other angel would probably sense him but what did it matter? The other angel was of a lesser rank and therefore not as much of a challenge as Michael would be if he were to show. 

Dean strode into the foyer and opened the door. Lucifer waited impatiently for the other angel to enter. The other angel entered and Lucifer realized why the Grace felt so familiar to him. Castiel, he should have known. Castiel stiffened as if he sensed another presence. Lucifer backed away slowly and made his way back to Sam’s room. Castiel was safe. He would never do anything to hurt either of the Winchesters. He was the guardian of the Winchester family. If Lucifer could trust any other angel with the brothers it was Castiel.

*-*-*-*-*

Sam’s eyes shot open and he gasped for breath. Turning he spotted Lucifer laying next to him calmly. Sam scooted backward away from the Archangel. Struggling to get his breathing under control Sam watched Lucifer. Dream, Sam told himself. It was only a dream. He knew better. It was a memory; a memory of Lucifer hurting him. 

_“I am sorry, Sam.”_

Lucifer’s words rang over and over in his ears. There was no denying the honesty in the words. Lucifer had been truly sorry. Sam inspected the angel laying in his bed. Could he ever trust him again after what he had remembered? 

_‘…you made a mistake, a mistake I still can’t remember, and you spent the rest of the time trying to atone for that one mistake.’_

Sam’s heart melted. How could he hold Lucifer accountable when he knew how much Luci had tried to fix things? How bad Luci felt about what he had done? Reaching across the bed Sam brushed his fingers across Lucifer’s temples. Lucifer’s hand shot up and grabbed his wrist. For a second or two Sam was worried that Lucifer would hurt him.

“Sam,” Lucifer asked sounding confused.

“It’s only me, Luci,” Sam whispered.

Lucifer released Sam’s wrist. “Did I hurt you,” Lucifer asked sitting up.

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Luci,” Sam huffed.

“It is a valid question,” Lucifer insisted.

“No. You didn’t hurt me.”

“Swear to me?”

“Yes. Luci?”

“Yes?”

“I thought angel’s didn’t need to sleep?”

“We do not.” Lucifer sighed and looked away. 

“You looked like you were sleeping,” Sam prompted.

“I was resting. Something seems to have happened. I… I am no longer in the pit.”

“What?”

“I am here.”

“Really here?”

“Yes.”

“Wait. What does that mean?”

“It could mean many things. The most prevalent? Father released me for his own reasons and that Michael may also be free.”

Michael. 

Sam wrapped his arms around himself and shivered. 

“I will not let him hurt you ever again,” Lucifer assured him.

“Sorry. I mean, I know he’s your brother…”

“Do not be sorry. If there is another who knows what he has done to you it is me.”

“Why would your father release you?”

“I do not know. Perhaps…”

“Perhaps what?”

“I prayed Sam. For the first time since I was expelled from Heaven, I prayed.”

“Why?”

“The most basic answer? You. Something you said at the time made me rethink the spell. When I realized it could hurt you I prayed to Father to keep it from harming you.”

“Did he answer?”

“Perhaps,” Lucifer replied cryptically.

“Perhaps?”

“I am no longer incorporeal, Sam. I am free of the pit. I do not know another who could free me beyond Father.”

“We freed you before,” Sam said quietly.

“Not instantly. There were seals to be broken. Not this time.”

“Michael?”

“If he is free I _will not_ let him harm you,” Lucifer growled.

“I’m not going to come between you and your brother.”

“My _brother_ would not harm my soul mate,” Lucifer argued.

“Soul mate?”

.

Lucifer sighed. “You make me feel like Heaven Sam. Not like you make me feel good, you remind me of what it was like in Heaven before I was cast out. The feeling of family, of belonging. Yes, Sam, you are my soul mate.”

“I…” 

“I do not tell you this to press you. Take all the time you need. If you decide… If… If you decide you do not wish to be with me I will leave. I am not pressing this. It is, and will always be, your choice. Do you understand?”

“No,” Sam replied. “I mean yes, but no.”

“Clarify please.”

“I know you wouldn’t push me but… I mean… It’s a lot to take in Luci.”

“Understandable.”

“What if I did say no,” Sam asked.

Lucifer felt his heart breaking. “Are…” He couldn’t finish that sentence. If Sam was rejecting him… 

“I’m not saying no. I was just wondering if I did…”

Lucifer couldn’t stop the pitiful whine that escaped his lips.

“No. No, no, no… I’m not… Don’t…”

Suddenly Sam’s arms were around him. 

“I love you, please don’t take it like that.”

Lucifer shook his head unable to speak. If Sam ever left him… 

“Shh, I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“If it is what you want…”

“No baby, no. Please don’t be upset. I never meant it like that.”

“I love you Sam. Whatever it is you want, I would do that. If you want me to leave…”

“No, never.”

“Truly?”

“Truly.”

Lucifer snuggled into Sam’s chest and Sam wrapped his arms around the broken angel.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Please?”

“Please what,” Sam asked.

“I don’t know,” Lucifer whined. “I don’t know, but…”

“I’m not leaving you. I’m not asking you to leave. I need you here. Okay?”

“Swear?”

“Yes, baby. Yes, I swear.”

“I need you Sam.”

“I’m here. Everything is okay Luci. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.”

“Forever?”

“I can’t honestly answer that Luci. I won’t ever lie to you. For as long as I can see, I can promise you that.”

Lucifer nodded and snuggled closer to his Sam’s chest.

.

“Lucifer,” Cass asked loudly.

“You think _I’m_ happy about this,” Dean asked.

“Damn it. Do you know how badly this could turn out?”

Dean opened his mouth to answer but Cass cut him off.

“No, of course not,” the angel replied distracted. Suddenly Cass stopped pacing. “Wait. If Lucifer is free…”

There was a long pause.

“Then what,” Dean prompted.

“Michael,” Cass stated meaningfully.

Dean blanched at the thought. If Lucifer was free of the pit then it did stand to reason that Michael might be free of it as well.

“Sam,” Dean stated immediately.

“What about him,” Cass asked.

“Michael hates him.”

Cass waved a hand dismissively. “Sam has Lucifer. If Michael were to show up Lucifer would never let him harm Sam.”

“You’re that sure?”

“Yes. Sam is Lucifer’s true vessel. I’m not sure that it translates well in English. If anything were to happen to Sam there is no telling what Lucifer would do. He will protect your brother at all costs. That much I am sure of.”

“And Michael?”

“That’s a more difficult topic. If you were to accept Michael it would be much the same as it is with Sam and Lucifer. If not?” Cass shrugged. “You are Michael’s true vessel, he is drawn to you. He would never hurt you.”

“He hurt Sam,” Dean growled.

Cass waved a hand dismissively again. “He does not understand how much that hurts you. Ask him not to do that again.”

“Ask him?”

“Yes.”

“That’s it? Just ask?”

“Well no. I mean, you might want to tell him how much it hurts you when Sam is hurt.”

“This is ridiculous.”

“Just as Lucifer is drawn to Sam, Michael is drawn to you. Lucifer will _never_ intentionally hurt Sam. Michael will _never_ intentionally hurt you. You need to tell him how much it hurts you when he hurts Sam.”

“And then he’ll leave Sam alone?”

“Most likely, yes.”

“Most likely?”

“You’re asking questions I haven’t had to contemplate before. By my understanding, yes, an Archangel will do anything to keep their true vessel happy.”

“What about other angels?”

“They don’t have true vessels. We just have to hope we can find someone we are compatible with. Only Archangels have a true vessel.”

“Damn it,” Dean muttered.

“Yes,” Cass agreed.

*-*-*-*-*

Lucifer tensed. Someone was touching him. 

“Luci?”

Sam, Lucifer thought as his muscles relaxed. 

“Feels good,” Lucifer told Sam without opening his eyes.

Sam laughed. It was one of the most beautiful sounds Lucifer could ever remember hearing. 

“I would hope so,” Sam replied. 

Lucifer smiled. Suddenly the smile fell and Lucifer opened his eyes. Turning he inspected Sam’s face. “Did you mean it,” he asked. “For as long as you can see, you won’t leave, did you mean it?”

“Yes.”

“Swear?”

“Yes, Lucifer.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Don’t you trust me?”

Lucifer pulled Sam closer and snuggled against his chest. 

“More than you will ever know,” Lucifer answered.

Sam ran a hand down his back and Lucifer wished for nothing more than for the ability to purr. His Sam felt so amazing. How had he ever existed without his Sam?

“Purr,” Lucifer whispered.

“What?”

“I can’t purr but I wish I could,” Lucifer mumbled against Sam’s chest.

Sam laughed. The feeling of it was wonderful. Lucifer drew back and met Sam’s eyes with his own. For a while all he could do was stare.

“What,” Sam finally asked.

“I love you,” Lucifer whispered reverently.

Sam laughed again and pulled Lucifer close again.

“I know,” Sam whispered. “I love you too.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

*-*-*-*-*

Sam walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Frowning he looked around until he saw Lucifer still standing in the archway. Sam frowned and inspected the others at the table. The only difference from a normal morning at the bunker was Cass’ presence.

“Luci?”

Lucifer didn’t respond.

“Your Grace is different,” Cass stated.

Sam’s eyes went from Lucifer to Cass back to Lucifer. Neither seemed to notice anyone else in the room. Both of them were _that_ focused on each other.

“Castiel,” Lucifer stated, nodding his head deferentially.

Sam’s frown deepened.

“Breakfast,” Castiel asked.

Lucifer took a few tentative steps to the table and stood behind Sam.

“Okay, what’s going on,” Sam asked loudly.

“His Grace is… incomplete,” Castiel answered without looking away from Lucifer.

“Incomplete?”

Neither responded.

“Incomplete,” Sam repeated louder.

Lucifer’s hands rested on Sam’s shoulders.

“It is drained and… yes, incomplete fits best,” Lucifer replied.

Sam reached up with one hand and placed it over one of Lucifer’s hands.

“What does that mean,” he asked.

“I am not as I should be,” Lucifer answered.

Though Lucifer was replying to him Sam got the distinct impression Lucifer’s attention was completely focused on Cass. There was more going on here than he could sense. He had to know what was going on between the two angels.

“What’s going on with you two,” Sam asked.

“Sit,” Cass said questioningly, still looking over Sam’s shoulder to Lucifer.

Lucifer moved and sat down scooting his chair closer to Sam.

“I swear, if one of you doesn’t tell me-”

“Lucifer is missing most of his Grace,” Cass stated.

Sam sensed more than saw Lucifer stiffen.

“Luci,” he asked turning to the Archangel.

“He is correct,” Lucifer whispered dropping his eyes to the table.

“What happened to it?”

“I do not know,” Lucifer said quietly. Finally Lucifer raised his head and looked straight at Cass. “Your job is to protect them.”

“I will protect them as I have always protected them,” Cass stated evenly. “ _Both_ of them.”

Lucifer gave a sharp nod and dropped his eyes back to the table.

“Someone tell me what’s going on or I swear…,” Sam trailed off. 

“Without full use of my Grace I cannot fully protect you,” Lucifer said quietly.

“He was asking for assistance should it be needed,” Cass stated.

“Why didn’t you tell me,” Sam asked.

Lucifer shrugged and Sam rolled his eyes.

“Don’t give me that. Why Luci?”

“I didn’t want you to worry about me.”

“Shouldn’t I get to decide that?”

Lucifer shrugged once again.

“Damn it Lucifer,” Sam muttered.

“Sam?”

“You need to tell me things.”

“I didn’t want you to be worried about something you cannot change.”

“If there’s something not right with you I want to know about it. Understand?”

Lucifer nodded.

“Okay, so what is specifically wrong here?”

Lucifer shrugged.

“Lucifer.”

“I cannot answer that question.”

“Why not?”

“I do not know what is wrong.”

“Damn it.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks as always to Lola and also Ryder.
> 
> Beware the fluff in the beginning. Perhaps I am not as bad at fluffy as I thought. Glad people are enjoying the story :)

“You should have told me,” Sam said quietly.

Lucifer sat down on the foot of Sam’s bed and dropped his head. 

“It’s fine, Luci. Just don’t keep things from me in the future.”

“It is not fine Sam. Without my Grace I cannot protect you from other angels.”

“Why would you have to?”

Michael, Lucifer thought. He didn’t dare say it out loud. If his brother ever touched Sam again… 

“Luci?”

Lucifer raised his head and met Sam’s eyes.

“You okay?”

“Yes,” Lucifer answered dropping his eyes back to the floor.

“Do I have to remind you I know when you’re lying?”

Lucifer sighed. “I am worried for your safety.”

“You were growling.”

Lucifer looked back to Sam again. Had he really been growling?

“It’s Michael, isn’t it,” Sam asked.

Lucifer looked away.

The bed shifted as Sam sat down next to him. One of Sam’s arms slipped around Lucifer’s waist as Sam leaned sideways against him. For a time neither spoke. Lucifer focused on the feel of Sam pressed against him. How could he have ever forsaken his responsibilities to Sam? How could he have ever done anything to hurt him? How could Sam have ever forgiven him?

“I love you,” Sam whispered.

“Why,” Lucifer asked, honestly at a loss as to how Sam could still care for him.

“Because…” Sam paused. “Because I do,” he finally stated. “Love doesn’t need a reason Luci, it just is. I could give you several reasons if you want but they aren’t why I love you. I just do.”

“How can you? After everything… How?”

Sam sighed and sat up. Reaching over he placed a hand on Lucifer’s cheek and turned him until they faced each other. Staring into Sam’s eyes Lucifer could almost forget the rest of the world even existed.

“I love you for you. I love you for who you are when I’m with you. I love you for who I am when I’m with you. I love you for the way you think. I love you for the way you want to keep me safe. I love you for sacrificing so much for me. I love you because you wouldn’t last without me but you would leave if I _did_ ask you to leave. I love you because of everything about you. I just love you. Accept it Luci,” Sam told him.

Lucifer pulled Sam close and wrapped both arms around him. 

“Shh baby, I’ve got you,” Sam whispered.

“If I could take everything back-”

“No. I love you for everything. Even the negative things showed me something about you. Determination, strength, perseverance, faith. If you took back everything then you wouldn’t be you. I love you exactly as you are.”

Tightening his grip Lucifer couldn’t find anything to say. Nothing he could come up with would be worth the gift Sam had given him with those words. The only thing he could do was hold Sam and hope that Sam understood how much he was loved in return. 

The door to Sam’s room opened and Lucifer stood shoving Sam behind him.

“Next time, knock,” Lucifer growled at Dean.

“I’ll open whatever door I want. I live here, you don’t,” Dean countered.

Lucifer let out a wordless snarl at the older Winchester.

“Dean,” Castiel stated softly placing a hand on Dean’s arm.

Turning Castiel eyed Lucifer and Lucifer growled at the other angel. 

“We mean no harm to you _or_ Sam,” Castiel said quietly.

“He should still knock,” Lucifer growled.

“He’s used to being able to talk with his brother, Lucifer. You should respect their relationship if you truly care for Sam.”

Lucifer turned and found Sam watching him carefully. Turning back he inspected Dean and Castiel still standing in the doorway. Eying them carefully Lucifer moved from in front of Sam and took a step backward. He finally gave one sharp nod. Castiel removed his hand from Dean’s arm and returned the nod.

“Luci?”

Of course Sam would question the exchange. However, right at this moment Lucifer was still too wound up to answer tactfully. Luckily Castiel answered for him.

“Lucifer is slightly unsettled without full access to all of his Grace. It’s putting him a little on edge,” Castiel answered politely.

Lucifer said a silent thank you to the other angel for him putting things delicately. He really needed to work on his control before he hurt someone Sam cared for. Closing his eyes Lucifer took several deep breaths. When he opened his eyes once more Sam was still watching him carefully.

“Sorry,” Lucifer muttered.

“You okay,” Sam asked.

Lucifer nodded.

“That’s actually why we came up here,” Castiel continued. “I wanted to see if there was something I could do to help figure out what happened.”

Lucifer eyed the younger angel suspiciously.

“If you wouldn’t mind the help,” Castiel added.

“We will see,” Lucifer answered cautiously.

“We’ll let you think about it,” Castiel stated. 

Tugging Dean’s arm Castiel nudged Dean out of the doorway and closed the door.

“Lucifer?”

Closing his eyes briefly Lucifer took one last deep breath before opening his eyes and turning to face Sam.

“I apologize for over-reacting.”

“Actually you should probably be saying that to Dean instead of me but that’s not what I was going to say.”

Lucifer cocked his head and waited.

“I was going to ask why you don’t want Cass to help you find out what happened to your Grace.”

Straightening Lucifer pressed his lips together and tried to find an adequate way to explain everything to Sam. Finally he ran a hand through his hair and grabbed the chair. Pulling the chair next to the bed Lucifer sat on the edge of the bed and waited. After a few seconds Sam walked over and sat in the chair.

“You need more chairs,” Lucifer observed.

Sam raised an eyebrow but didn’t respond.

“It is not all that easy to explain. It would help if I knew how much of my Grace you felt when I was possessing you.”

Sam gave small, involuntary, shudder and Lucifer frowned.

“Was it always so bad?”

“You were trying to destroy the world Lucifer.”

“Not the world, never the world. The people yes, but not the world.”

“I remember being cold,” Sam began. “Sometimes it was almost bearable, but sometimes I felt frozen in place. Almost like I would never thaw and I would be stuck like that forever. I remember at times I couldn’t see through the brightness. Even if I closed my eyes it was still blinding. I think I remember…” Sam trailed off looking thoughtful. 

“Hope,” Sam finally finished.

“Hope?”

“It was like you wanted me to want what you wanted. Like you didn’t understand why I resisted being possessed and you wanted to change my mind. Like if you could find the right thing you hoped I would come around and see things your way.”

Lucifer ducked his head briefly before meeting Sam’s eyes once again.

“I will admit I did not understand at the time why you resisted me so much. It was confusing that you should want to live like this when I could offer you so much more. At times I am still confused by your reluctance.”

“Really?”

“At times,” Lucifer admitted. “Then there are times when I understand your qualms. At least now I understand it at times. I didn’t really get it then. It didn’t make sense at the time that you could want to remain…” 

“Human,” Sam offered.

Lucifer nodded.

“But after our time in the pit, I got to know you better. To know what it was like to actually be human. There are times I am almost envious of it.”

“Really,” Sam asked surprised.

“At times, yes. Angels do not have much free will. We do was we are told or we are punished,” he whispered.

His mind drifted back to his many years spent in the pit.

“Luci?”

Shaking his head to clear it Lucifer looked up.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. Where were we?”

“Grace,” Sam reminded him.

“Yes. It would be accurate to say we are Grace. We are made of the divine Grace of our Father. If we were to lose our Grace we cease to exist. The body may continue but that which makes us, us, is no longer there.”

“I don’t understand.”

Lucifer bit his bottom lip briefly. “When you were pulled from the pit your soul remained behind. That which made you, you, was left in the pit but you continued to exist without it.”

“Your Grace is like our souls?”

“Sort of. You existed without a soul but remained human. If you were to fully separate and angel from their Grace they would no longer remain an angel.”

“So… you’re partly human?”

“No.” Lucifer sighed.

“I’m trying, I really am.”

“I know. I am not upset with you. I told you, it is just difficult to explain. An angel is always an angel. There is not part angel.”

“So you’re still an angel until you lose all of your Grace?”

“Yes.”

Sam seemed to think about this for a moment.

“Does it hurt?”

“What?”

“To be separated from part of your Grace. Does it hurt?”

“Yes and no. It is difficult to define. It doesn’t hurt the way you would think of it. It’s more like you know something is missing and you can’t find it. It makes you more… apprehensive, than anything. Also, Grace is what connects us to Heaven. Losing any of our Grace weakens that connection. The sensation of it is… uncomfortable.”

“And Dean barging into my room didn’t help matters?”

“I still believe he should knock, but Castiel is correct. He is your brother and I should have more respect for your relationship with him.”

“So why don’t you want Castiel to help?”

Lucifer sighed again. “Think of it as a person who has suddenly lost their legs. That person might not want others to see them. They may wish to retain their independence and find it difficult to rely on another. They may feel like they are no longer ‘whole’.”

“And they might get upset if someone does something that points out their weakness?”

“Yes.”

“Understood.”

“I owe Castiel for stopping me from doing something that might have hurt you. My control is not doing as well as it should be.”

“Because of the Grace?”

“Yes.”

“You should let him help you.”

“Probably. I am just not sure if I am able.”

*-*-*-*-*

“What the hell was that,” Dean demanded.

“ _That_ was me saving you from making a mistake,” Castiel answered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Lucifer is on edge right now. As protective as he already is towards Sam, with his Grace not whole he is even more protective. Had I not stepped in your attitude would have caused him to attack you.”

“Wouldn’t that upset Sam?”

“Lucifer is on edge, ready to attack at any moment because he fears to let down his guard. When the door opened he was prepared to kill anyone who walked into that room. He yelled at you out of frustration. When you argued back it only served to make him more agitated. One of you had to stop and Lucifer isn’t know for backing down from things. He would have attacked you and worried about the consequences afterward.”

“Could you have stopped him?”

“Maybe, maybe not. I wouldn’t want to try it. Despite missing some of his Grace Lucifer is still an Archangel. He has talents I will never have.”

“And you _want_ him to get his Grace back?”

“Yes.” Castiel sat down on the couch. “If Lucifer doesn’t get his Grace back the attitude is only going to get worse. Beyond that, if Michael does show up Lucifer is the only one of us with enough power to take on his brother. For him to do that we need him to have access to his Grace. All of it.”

“Do you know what happened to it?”

“No. I would need to connect with Lucifer to find out and even then I may not be able to help.”

“If you can’t help then what do we do?”

“No idea.”

.

Sam cleared his throat.

Both Castiel and Dean turned at the sound.

“I think we’re ready to try this,” Sam informed them.

The other two glanced over to Lucifer. Lucifer growled.

“We talked about this, Luci.”

“I still do not have to like it.”

“We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

Sighing Lucifer shook his head. “Yes we do. Castiel?”

“Yes,” Castiel answered cautiously.

“Thank you for your foresight and quick thinking earlier. It was appreciated.”

Castiel gave a nod.

“Still, when I say stop…” 

“We stop, no questions asked,” Castiel replied.

“Good.”

Lucifer glanced over to Dean.

“I’m staying if Sam’s staying,” Dean announced.

Lucifer hesitated.

“I can go somewhere with Dean if you really don’t want him here,” Sam offered.

“No! You promised me you would stay.”

“I was making a suggestion. I’ll stay if that’s what you want, Luci. You know that.”

He should know that, yes. It was just that he hadn’t ever had anyone who would stand by him no matter what at any time in his long existence. It was difficult to accept that Sam meant what he said and wouldn’t leave him. Lucifer took a few steadying breaths before walking over to the couch. He turned to Dean first.

“I am sorry I over-reacted to your… arrival,” he said as politely as he could manage.

Dean stared at him for several seconds before turning to Sam.

“I apologized to your brother first,” Lucifer stated. “He suggested it would be better if I were to apologize to you. I am apologizing.”

Sam crossed his arms and cocked his head at Dean but didn’t speak. Lucifer continued to wait silently. Finally Dean turned back to him.

“Whatever, apology accepted,” Dean muttered.

Lucifer felt his jaw trying to clench and did his best to remain relaxed. 

“I will not ask you to leave if you wish to stay,” he told Dean. “Still, I would greatly prefer it if you were to _not_ sit next to me.” Lucifer crossed his arms.

“Are you telling me where I can and can’t sit in my own house?”

“Dean,” Sam exclaimed exasperated. “He’s trying to say he’s not comfortable with you next to him right now. That’s all. He’s _asking_ you to move.”

“Whatever,” Dean muttered.

Lucifer fought to control his temper. It was difficult on the best of days. This was definitely _not_ one of the best. Finally Dean stood and moved to a chair on the other side of the room. Lucifer did his best to relax. Must not hurt Sam’s brother, he ordered himself.

“Lucifer,” Sam asked quietly.

No matter how long he lived he doubted he would ever get used to the way his name sounded on Sam’s lips. Unable to help it he reached out and grabbed Sam’s hand. Sam gave his hand a slight squeeze. 

“Ready?”

“I will not be more ready later than I am now. We may as well do this while I can.”

Sam gave his hand another slight squeeze and they both sat down next to Castiel. 

“I need you to let go of his hand for this. When you are ready,” Castiel said quietly.

Again Lucifer said another silent thank you to the other angel for trying to make this as easy as possible. 

*-*-*-*-*

“I don’t understand,” Sam stated.

“His Grace is technically still there,” Castiel informed them. “It’s just bound.”

“How?”

“I’m not sure. I can feel it, but everytime I try to touch it, it’s like it moves farther out of reach.”

“How is that possible?”

“Technically it’s not.”

“Technically?”

“Enough,” Lucifer barked. Standing he began to pace. Freed from the pit, Grace bound away from him. The question wasn’t how was it possible. The question was why? When he stopped he turned to Castiel. “When you pray to Father does he answer you?”

“No,” Castiel admitted.

Lucifer pondered that. There wasn’t anyone else who could have freed him and bound his Grace in this manner. But if it had been Father why did he not answer? Lucifer turned to Sam. Until Sam had cast the spell nothing had changed. The spell couldn’t have caused any of these things to happen. There had to be another explanation. What else had happened that day? The only other thing out of the ordinary that had happened that day was that Lucifer had prayed for the first time since being cast out of Heaven. He had prayed for Sam’s safety and had instantly been pulled from the pit. Perhaps Father had answered his prayer.

“Father,” Lucifer stated. “There is no other explanation, it had to be him.”

“Then why disappear,” Dean asked. “And why pull you out of the pit?”

“I do not have all of the answers, I just know he is the only one that could have done everything. When I prayed, I prayed for Sam’s safety. After the pain subsided I found myself lying in Stull Cemetery. The place where we all went into the pit. The only thing I can think of is that Father heard the prayer and raised me from the pit to protect Sam.”

“I protect Sam,” Dean growled. 

Lucifer rounded on Dean. He was about to use part of his remaining Grace to smite him when he felt a hand on his arm. Turning he saw Sam shaking his head.

“Don’t,” Sam ordered. “Dean’s been looking out for me our whole lives. He’s not used to sharing that responsibility.”

Closing his eyes Lucifer tried to calm himself. Dean wanted Sam safe every bit as much as he did. Lucifer should be glad that Dean was protective of Sam. If anything ever did happen to him Sam would always have Dean.

“I wish to go back to your room now,” Lucifer whispered.

Sam nodded and took his hand.

.

Watching Lucifer, Sam waited patiently. Something told him now was not the time to push Lucifer into talking about this. Lucifer continued pacing back and forth in Sam’s room and Sam continued to wait. Finally Lucifer stopped pacing and sat down on the side of the bed. Sam stood from the chair and made his way over to Lucifer sitting down next to him.

“Hey, you okay?”

“No. I was pulled from the pit, I have no idea if Michael is free, I do not have access to all of my Grace, I had to rely on an angel of a lesser rank for help and your brother is trying to do my job!”

“It’s his job too,” Sam reminded Lucifer quietly.

“You were made for me!”

“Dean protected me and kept me alive. If it weren’t for him we would never have met.”

“I know that!” 

Lucifer took several deep breaths and Sam waited.

“Sorry,” Lucifer muttered. “And honestly it is not Dean I am upset with.”

“Your father?”

Lucifer didn’t answer.

“If anyone can understand being upset at their father it’s me, trust me.”

“I remember,” Lucifer said quietly.

“You remember?”

“From your memories; from when I possessed you.”

“You went through my memories?”

“Yes. I wanted to know everything about you.”

“I barely know anything about you.”

“What would you like to know?”

“Seriously?”

“Of course. I know everything about you, it is only fair.”

Sam thought about what to ask first.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Really, Sam?”

“Yes, what’s your favorite color?”

Lucifer was silent for a while. “Green,” he finally answered.

“Really?”

“Yes. Until I met you I never had a favorite color. I choose green now because it is your favorite color and the color of your eyes.”

Blushing Sam ducked his head briefly.

“What else do you wish to know,” Lucifer asked.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me about yourself.”

“I like order,” Lucifer answered promptly. “I like knowing. I like knowing my place, knowing where I stand…” Lucifer trailed off.

“Hey,” Sam said trying to interrupt Lucifer’s thoughts. “Are you still with me?”

“I think so, yes. I am sorry. Where was I?”

“Order?”

Lucifer smiled. “Yes. Also… I don’t know how to phrase it. I like… I like you?”

“Me?”

“Yes, everything about you.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Lucifer,” Sam exclaimed exasperated. 

Lucifer crossed his arms. “No.”

“Honestly, I’m fine. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“No, you will rest.”

“I can’t, we have a job to do.”

“You are injured.”

“It’s minor.” 

“You probably broke your wrist,” Dean added unhelpfully.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Both of you, stop! I’m fine.”

“If your wrist is broken you’re not going to be much use,” Dean insisted.

“For fuck’s sake. It’s not broken, it’s just sprained.”

“Same difference,” Lucifer interjected.

Sam rolled his eyes. “It’s not the same,” he argued.

“Let me take you home,” Lucifer ordered.

“No,” Sam replied. “I can still do my job.”

“Let me take you home, _please_?” 

“No, I’m fine. Both of you need to drop it.”

“You should have told me where you were going,” Lucifer said crossing his arms.

“It’ll be fine. Cass can heal it,” Dean offered.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow and turned to glare at the other angel.

Castiel backed away a step. 

“No,” Castiel replied.

“Yes,” Dean insisted. “Just heal him and-”

“No,” Castiel repeated. “Lucifer?”

“Are you sure,” Lucifer asked still glaring at the younger angel.

“With you here I would allow you the opportunity first.”

“Allow?”

“Damn it Luci,” Sam shouted. “Either heal it or don’t but don’t take it out on Cass. It’s me you’re mad at.”

“No one _allows_ me to do my job.”

“Well either do it or don’t, we don’t have time for this.”

Lucifer turned to glare at Sam but Sam merely crossed his arms. The second his arms were crossed Sam hissed in pain. Frowning Lucifer reached out for Sam’s wrist but Sam backed up a step.

“Are you going to continue taking your anger out on others,” Sam asked.

“You allowed yourself to get hurt. I could have protected you.”

“I was doing my job, Lucifer. You’re going to have to get used to it.”

“I do not like seeing you hurt.”

“And I don’t like being hurt but things happen. Once again, are you going to continue taking your anger out on others?”

“Actually, it should probably be Cass that heals him,” Dean interrupted. 

Lucifer snarled at the suggestion.

“Look,” Dean continued. “Your job is to protect Sam, right? If you don’t have access to all of your Grace then it should be Cass that heals Sam. That way you don’t use your Grace more than you have to.”

Lucifer thought about that. Actually it made sense. Let the younger angel do the light work and reserve his Grace for more important things. The problem was, could he let another heal Sam? Reaching out he touched Sam and healed the injury. 

“No. Sam is mine, I will heal him,” Lucifer stated.

Sam rolled his eyes.

“Now, what are we hunting,” Lucifer asked.

“ _We_ aren’t hunting anything,” Sam informed him. “Dean and I are hunting something that looks like a vengeful spirit.”

*-*-*-*-*

“Luci?”

Lucifer turned his head away and refused to acknowledge Sam.

“This is stupid Lucifer.”

“Agreed,” Lucifer bit out.

“I have to do my job.”

Lucifer refused to answer.

“You can’t come on every hunt with me.”

“Why?”

“Because. You just can’t. Besides, if you can’t tap into all of your Grace-”

“Stop.” Lucifer stood and walked over to Sam. “Do not talk about my Grace. I have more than enough to keep you from harm from these… these… spirits.”

“All I’m saying is you need to preserve your Grace in case you do need it later.”

“I can do that and still protect you.”

“You don’t have to protect me all the time, Luci.”

Lucifer’s eyes flicked to Sam’s wrist briefly.

“It’s fine Luci, let it go.”

“You allowed yourself to get injured.”

“I didn’t allow anything. It just happens.”

“Very well then. You allowed it to ‘just happen’.”

“I give up. This is pointless.”

Lucifer froze.

“What do you mean, ‘you give up’,” he asked cautiously.

“I can’t do this, Luci. I can’t live like this. You need to let me do what I have to.”

“Or what,” Lucifer asked taking a step back and eying Sam carefully.

“Luci?”

“Or what,” he repeated. “Are you… Will you…”

“Will I what?”

“Are you…” 

“Am I what? Just spit it out Lucifer.”

“Should I leave,” Lucifer asked. 

If Sam was truly done with their relationship… 

“Of course not. Why would you think that?”

Lucifer turned away again. When Sam walked up behind him and put his arms around him Lucifer relaxed into the embrace. He wasn’t losing his Sam yet. For now, he still had his Sam. Reaching down Lucifer grabbed onto Sam’s hands.

“I will never ask you to leave for something that small, Luci. Okay?”

Lucifer couldn’t speak. He nodded at Sam’s words and tightened his grip on Sam’s hands. Sam was still his. It was the only thing he could think of at the moment. Sam was his.

“I love you, you know?”

“No,” Lucifer whispered.

“Yes I do,” Sam answered sounding confused.

“I mean you may but I do not know it.”

“Really?”

Releasing Sam’s hands Lucifer turned around in Sam’s embrace to face him.

“Father loved me,” he whispered. “Michael loved me.” Lucifer’s voice broke and he stopped speaking.

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” Sam tightened his arms around Lucifer. “I’ve got you and I’m not letting go. Okay?”

“I…”

“Shh baby. You took care of me when I needed it. Let me take care of you right now.”

“I love you.”

“I know, baby. I know. I love you too.” 

*-*-*-*-*

“What the hell Cass?”

“What?”

“You wouldn’t heal Sam? Really?”

“With Lucifer there? Are you insane? No, I was not about to heal Sam without Lucifer’s permission.”

“It’s not like I was asking you to sleep with him,” Dean grumbled.

“You might as well have. If I had healed Sam without Lucifer’s permission I would probably be dead right now. You don’t understand how possessive an Archangel can be when it comes to their true vessel.”

“This is stupid.”

“Protecting Sam and taking care of him is written into Lucifer’s being.”

“So you can’t heal Sam because of what? Divine DNA?”

“If you choose to see it that way. Actually, if Lucifer _wasn’t_ present and I _didn’t_ heal Sam he would probably smite me,” Cass stated thoughtfully.

“Great,” Dean mumbled.

*-*-*-*-*

Supplies. What an odd word. Lucifer stood at the front of the grocery store watching the people ‘check out’ while Sam and Dean were getting ‘supplies’. Instead of joining the brothers Lucifer had opted to wait for them at the front. He disliked how open the place was and felt better with a wall at his back. People would pay for their supplies with money, which Sam had given him a crash course in, or little plastic cards. Lucifer made a note to ask Sam about the plastic cards later. The theory behind money Lucifer understood. He was still a little confused about why there were only some denominations represented and not others. For instance why have a one dollar bill and sometimes a two dollar bill but not have a three dollar bill, or a four? Humans were odd, Lucifer decided. 

“You’re not supposed to be near me.”

Lucifer turned at the loud declaration.

“You have to be three hundred feet at all times.”

“And who’s going to make me, you?”

_You will leave him alone._

_Make me._

Lucifer shook his head trying to banish the voices.

“The… the restraining order says…”

The man took a few steps forward and the woman backed away until she hit the other check out stand. Several bruise covered the woman’s arms and the edges of a dark one was visible just around the edges of her sunglasses. Lucifer watched the scene intently. 

“It’s paper Maggie. Just paper.”

“It’s a court order,” the woman whispered.

Lucifer glanced to the other people present. No one seemed to want to intervene.

“You can’t…”

“I can do whatever I want,” the man hissed.

Frowning Lucifer strode forward and tapped the man on the shoulder.

“What,” the man growled turning around.

“I believe the lady does not wish your company any longer,” Lucifer informed the man. “Perhaps you should leave.”

“Perhaps you should mind your own business.”

“It’s fine really,” the woman stated in a rush. “I was just leaving anyway.”

“Would you like for me to walk you to your vehicle,” Lucifer offered.

“None of this concerns you. Butt out,” the man snarled.

“I was addressing the woman,” Lucifer stated.

“Yeah? Well don’t.”

“Really, it’s fine,” the woman insisted. “Thank you but I’ll be fine, really.”

“You do not appear to be fine,” Lucifer observed.

“You heard her, piss off,” the man ordered.

Lucifer cocked his head. “An odd expression.”

“What,” the man asked confused.

“Piss off,” Lucifer replied.

“Get lost, buddy. Now!”

“I am incapable of becoming lost.”

“What? What are you, some kind of nutcase?”

“I don’t want to cause any trouble,” the woman stated.

“You are not. He is,” Lucifer answered sincerely.

“Get lost! Now,” the man yelled.

Lucifer cocked his head again. “I told you, I cannot.”

“Scram, buddy.”

“I am not your ‘buddy’,” Lucifer replied.

“If you don’t leave right now-”

Exerting himself slightly Lucifer used a little of his Grace to cause the man to fall asleep. As the man fell to the ground Lucifer watched. Finally he raised his eyes back to the woman.

“May I assist you with your parcels?”

The woman blinked at him with a stunned expression on her face.

“Your parcels,” Lucifer repeated. “Would you like assistance?”

“Uhhh…” 

Lucifer picked up the bags, turned back to the woman and waited.

*-*-*-*-*

“Want to tell me what just happened,” Sam asked.

Lucifer shrugged. “A woman appeared in need of assistance. I assisted.”

“Please tell me you didn’t kill the guy.”

“I put him to sleep,” Lucifer answered confused. “Should I have killed him?”

“No!” Sam put his hands over his face.

“I do not see the problem,” Lucifer stated.

Sam dropped his hands. “It’s just… We don’t… Humans… Never mind.” 

“I did something wrong?”

Sam sighed. “No. No you didn’t. Actually you probably resolved the situation the best way possible.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“What is a restraining order?”

Sam rubbed a hand over his face. “It’s a court order stating that someone cannot be within so many feet of someone else.”

“Why would someone get one?”

Sam frowned. “That’s not what your real question is, is it?”

“I was wondering…”

“Yeah?”

“That man is responsible for her injuries, is he not?”

Sam sighed again. “Yeah, Luci, he is.”

Lucifer scowled. 

“What,” Sam asked.

“That is against Father’s wishes for humans,” Lucifer stated crossing his arms over his chest. “Father created humans to love each other.”

Sam shook his head.

“What,” Lucifer snapped.

“I was just thinking the Devil has better morals than most humans,” Sam answered shaking his head again.

.

“So, what, he killed the guy,” Dean asked.

“Apparently he put him to sleep,” Sam answered.

Both brothers turned and watched Lucifer and Castiel talking.

“Sleep,” Dean stated flatly still watching the two angels.

“Yep,” Sam replied.

“In the middle of an argument in the middle of a grocery store?”

“Yep.”

“Wow.”

“Yep.”

Dean shook his head and turned back to Sam. 

“You did tell him that’s not normal, right? Like, he can’t just go around causing people to fall asleep all over the place.”

“I couldn’t. I didn’t have the heart to say it.”

“He needs to know, Sam.”

“I’ll talk to him later.”

“You better. If people start falling asleep everywhere we go-”

“I’ll talk to him, Dean.”

“Sam,” Lucifer asked from the front of the car.

“Yeah?”

“Are you… Is everything…”

“It’s fine Luci. Ready to get some new clothes?”

“What is wrong with the clothes I am wearing?”

“Humans don’t wear the same things every day Luci.”

“I am not human.”

Sam rubbed a hand over his face.

*-*-*-*-*

“ _Now_ can we go home,” Dean asked.

“I like shopping,” Lucifer announced.

Sam rolled his eyes.

“You would,” Dean muttered.

“Shopping was fun,” Lucifer insisted.

“You do realize that we don’t tip sales associates, right?”

“She was very helpful,” Lucifer argued. “Besides you tip other people,” Lucifer pointed out.

Dean glared at Sam and Sam rolled his eyes again.

“Why don’t we grab something to eat before we head home,” Sam suggested.

“Fine, but you’re going to have to explain to him _not_ to tip people at fast food restaurants,” Dean griped.

*-*-*-*-*

Lucifer sat at the table watching the brothers eat.

“Can you please stop staring,” Dean asked.

“It’s interesting,” Lucifer told him.

“Eating is interesting?”

“Yes.”

“Luci,” Sam interrupted. “Can you not stare at Dean please?”

“Can I still watch you?”

Sam sighed. “If you must.”

“It is interesting how you must ingest plants and animals every so often for continued survival.”

“It’s part of being human Luci.”

“What does it taste like?”

“It’s a salad. It tastes like… like a salad.”

“I have never eaten a salad.”

“Have you ever eaten anything,” Dean asked.

“No. Nick has but going through his memories is not the same as actually eating.”

“Luci,” Sam stated.

“Yes?”

“Tell me about Nick.”

“What about him?”

“Is there anyone who might miss him?”

“No. His family was killed and he was close to killing himself.”

“Really?”

“Yes. At the time I could not understand why he would feel that way.”

“Now?”

“Now I understand better.” Lucifer shrugged. “If I lost you I would not kill myself. It’s against Father’s wishes. I would wish for death though,” Lucifer finished quietly.

“Hey,” Sam said placing a hand on Lucifer’s leg. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“Truly?”

“Yeah.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Lucifer?”

“Yes, Sam?”

“How do you recharge your Grace,” Sam asked pulling the covers over his legs.

Lucifer cocked his head and thought about it. “It might be easier for you to comprehend if you were to think of it as similar to meditation.”

Pulling the covers back Lucifer slid into the bed. Adjusting the blanket he ensured Sam remained fully covered by tucking it around him. Satisfied Lucifer leaned back against the headboard and propped his hands behind his head. 

“Usually it is not a problem. Most of the time Grace will replenish itself. It is only when high quantities of Grace are used in a minute time span that it can become a problem.”

“What happened to your Grace to deplete it?”

Lucifer frowned. 

“I do not know. When I awoke in the cemetery it was already mostly drained.”

“Have been you been working on recharging it?” 

“Some. The first night back I was a bit too… ‘distracted’ to focus.” 

“Is there something I can do to help?”

Lucifer let his eyes slide closed. “No,” he answered quietly.

“Luci.”

“I will be alright Sam. Just being this close is enough.”

“There’s more you’re not telling me isn’t there?”

“I do not wish to discuss this at this time,” Lucifer said opening his eyes. “Please leave it Sam.”

Sam watched him intently for a few moments before nodding. Rolling onto his side Sam faced away from him. Lucifer felt his heart break. There was no way he would allow himself to ask Sam for anything else right now. He had Sam’s love and forgiveness, which he already did not deserve. Everything else could wait until he could make amends for his past actions. Watching, Lucifer waited until he was sure Sam was asleep.

“Good night, Sam,” Lucifer whispered.

Bringing his arms down from behind his head, Lucifer relaxed. 

_Father? Even if you do not answer I pray you are listening. Thank you for Your mercy in raising me from the pit and allowing me to watch over my Sam. Even if I am returned there eventually I am grateful for the time I have to spend with him. I ask that whenever possible You watch over my Sam and keep him from harm._ Lucifer hesitated. _And please watch over his brother as well._

_Father, please help me to regain my Grace without having to ask anything more of Sam. He has already been through more than enough. I do not wish to ask him for more than he has already given. I also will not ask for forgiveness from You as I have yet to earn it. Perhaps one day. I await Your answer should You chose to respond, Your humbled son._

*-*-*-*-*

_“Lucifer.”_

_Blinking several times Lucifer turned trying to find the speaker. He desperately wanted to believe he had not imagined the voice. After so long of only hearing it in his memories he couldn’t be sure._

_“You are not imagining things my son.”_

_“Father?”_

_Lucifer fell to his knees._

_“Arise.”_

_“I cannot. I have not earned the right to stand before you again.”_

_“You are worthy of that right because I say that you are.”_

_“I would prefer to earn back my place,” Lucifer stated bowing his head._

_“As you wish.”_

_“Father? May I ask…”_

_“Why you were pulled from the pit?”_

_“It is not that I am ungrateful, Father. I am very grateful.”_

_“It has been many years since you have prayed.”_

_Lucifer let his head drop forward. “I was angry.”_

_“You were prideful.”_

_His eyes slid closed as a pained expression crossed his face. Lucifer nodded. “I was. I did not understand why you would ask such a thing at the time.”_

_“You still do not agree with my edict.”_

_“I do not understand it. The humans forsake You. They kill in Your name. They are flawed, murderous…”_

_“Your Sam is one of them.”_

_Lucifer remained silent._

_“You have no reply?”_

_“No.”_

_“Your Sam is human; flawed by your logic.”_

_“He is mine,” Lucifer whispered._

_“Are not all, God’s creatures?”_

_“Please, I need him Father.”_

_“You need this ‘human’?”_

_Unable to speak the words Lucifer nodded._

_“What would you do to be allowed this one human?”_

_Lucifer’s head shot up. “Anything Father. Name it, please,” Lucifer begged._

_“Would you follow my commandment?”_

_Lucifer frowned. He had a sinking feeling he knew where this was leading. “Which commandment Father?”_

_His Father did not answer._

_“To love the humans? Even above you? How am I to do that?”_

_“The how is what you must learn on your own. There is one other thing.”_

_“Yes?”_

_“Your Grace.”_

_“It was You who bound it away from me when You pulled me from the pit, wasn’t it?”_

_“It is only bound in a sense. You have the power to unlock it yourself.”_

_“How, Father.”_

_“The amount of access to your Grace depends on you. The more you follow my decrees the more access you will have. The less you follow my words…”_

_“The less access,” Lucifer answered quietly. “If… If I should fail?”_

_“You will not be turned mortal. Your Grace will remain within you, even if you cannot use it.”_

_“Father? Thank you. For answering my prayers, for listening to me, for everything you do to keep my Sam safe, for allowing me another chance. Thank you.”_

_“Go now my son. Spend time with your Sam.”_

Before Lucifer could reply he found himself back in bed with Sam. Staring at Sam Lucifer marveled that _he_ should be granted this perfect gift. Reaching out he lightly placed his fingertips on Sam’s arm. “Thank you, Father,” Lucifer whispered.

*-*-*-*-*

Lucifer spent the rest of the night watching his Sam sleep. That Father would allow him a second chance was something Lucifer had never expected. He was determined to try his best. Love humans. It seemed so simple on the surface. If the rest of the humans could be like his Sam it would be an easier task. Sam’s eyes slowly fluttered open.

“I love you,” Lucifer said quietly.

Sam smiled, reached out an arm and pulled Lucifer closer. When they were nose to nose Sam kissed him softly. Lucifer lay stunned. Not since their time in the pit had they kissed. Smiling again Sam blinked the sleep out his eyes and stretched. When Sam finished stretching he turned back to Lucifer and paused.

“What,” Sam asked.

Leaning forward Lucifer placed a hand behind Sam’s head and drew him down into another kiss. After a few seconds Sam’s tongue darted out and licked at Lucifer’s lips. Lucifer moaned into the kiss and opened his mouth. Shifting he rolled onto his back as Sam rolled with him. As he felt Sam’s weight settle on top of him Lucifer moaned again. Finally Sam broke the kiss and drew back. Lucifer spread his arms out away from his body and let them rest against the bed. After the first time, everything they did was Sam’s decision. Sam lay above Lucifer staring down at him as a thoughtful expression crossed his face.

“I remember this.”

Lucifer tilted his head quizzically.

Sam’s gaze flicked to Lucifer’s arms and back to his face. “You let me initiate everything.”

“I do.”

“Because… because of what happened,” Sam whispered.

“Sam.”

Sam’s eyes shot back to meet his and Lucifer sighed.

“Nothing has to happen Sam,” Lucifer said gently. “You know that.”

“I’m just… I don’t know…”

“It is fine Sam. Nothing has to happen. You are in charge, you know this.”

“I don’t…”

“Sam? Move please.” 

Sam moved off of Lucifer and laid back against the bed. 

“I promised you everything would be your decision. After everything that happened to you, you do not have to feel bad if you are not ready.”

“I do feel bad, though,” Sam whispered. “I remember the first time you let me initiate things. I trust you, Luci. I just…” 

“You are just not ready. Do not feel badly for that, it was I who wronged you.”

“Please don’t get mad.”

Lucifer frowned. “Why would I be angry?”

Sam rolled onto his side facing away from Lucifer.

“Sam?”

Sam shook his head.

“I promise you I am not angry at you,” Lucifer said sitting. Turning he put his feet over the edge of the bed and sat with his back to Sam. “If anything it is myself I am angry with.” Lucifer sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Standing he turned and inspected Sam.

“Don’t,” Sam whispered.

Lucifer stopped moving and waited.

“Please don’t leave.”

“I do not wish to upset you further.”

“Stay?”

“If you would like,” Lucifer answered cautiously

Sam nodded.

Carefully Lucifer sat back down on the bed. A few awkward moments later he laid back down leaving as much room between Sam and himself as possible. After a time Sam rolled back over to face him. 

“Sorry,” Sam whispered.

Lucifer turned onto his side and raised an arm. Instantly Sam scooted over to lay against Lucifer’s chest. Wrapping his arms around Sam, Lucifer began rocking them.

“Shh. You are safe. Always, in my arms, you are safe.”

*-*-*-*-*

“I swear Cass, if they don’t come down soon I’m going up there.”

“That could be a very poor idea Dean.”

“I don’t care. You don’t know what I dream about lately. I swear, if any of it is true…”

“Dean, the issue with Lucifer’s Grace is a very real problem. If anyone of us would be able to keep Lucifer from doing something we might regret, it’s Sam. The more time they spend together, the better.”

“Yeah? Well not if half of the shit in my dreams is true. You can stay here if you want, I’m going to check on my brother.”

“Dean wait.”

“Why?”

“If you insist on doing this you should probably let me go check on them. I might be able to handle Lucifer a little better than you.”

.

“Luci?”

“Sam?”

“I think… I think I’m okay now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. You used to have to hold me a lot, didn’t you?”

“Mmm,” Lucifer hummed. “Not as much as I would have liked.”

“Did you always hum to me?”

“Most times, yes.”

“Does the song have a name?”

“No, I created it for you and it seemed to calm you.”

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

Lucifer nuzzled into the crook of Sam’s neck. If there were anyway he could take away all of the pain he had cause Sam he would do it in an instant. How Sam ever managed to forgive him still amazed Lucifer.

“I am truly sorry for ever allowing you any pain,” Lucifer whispered against Sam’s neck.

“You have to stop apologizing Luci.”

“If you will,” Lucifer countered.

“Deal,” Sam murmured against the arm of Lucifer’s he was currently using as a pillow.

Someone knocked on the door. Lucifer tightened his grip around Sam.

“No,” he shouted back to the door.

“Luci,” Sam admonished.

Extracting himself from Lucifer’s grip Sam sat up in the bed. 

“Yeah, come in.”

The door opened and Castiel took a step into the room. Still with one hand on the doorknob he gave a small nod to Lucifer. Lucifer huffed in annoyance at having his time with Sam interrupted.

“We were wondering if either of you would like to join us for breakfast,” Castiel informed them.

Lucifer frowned. “Not we,” he stated flatly. “You.”

“Dean is… concerned, that his brother has not left his room yet.”

Lucifer crossed his arms and glowered.

“We’ll be down in a minute,” Sam said to Castiel.

With another nod Castiel left, closing the door behind himself.

“Do we have to,” Lucifer sulked.

“I am getting hungry,” Sam stated.

“Very well then,” Lucifer assented.

*-*-*-*-*

“Sam,” Lucifer said as they sat at the table.

“Yeah,” Sam replied putting food onto his plate.

“Do we need ‘supplies’?”

“Uh, I don’t think so,” he answered snagging a fork. “Why?”

“I would like to observe humans more.”

“Observe,” Sam asked looking to Lucifer.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I suddenly find myself more curious about the them.”

“Uh, I supposed we could go to somewhere like a park or something,” Sam offered.

“I like parks,” Lucifer stated fondly. 

“Really,” Sam asked.

“I like nature.” Lucifer shrugged. “As I stated, I never wanted to destroy the Earth.”

“Just the people,” Dean added. 

Sam eyed his brother.

Lucifer sighed. “Yes. I did wish to destroy them. I am trying to see them in better light.”

“What happened with you and Sam in the pit,” Dean asked suddenly.

Sam began to cough and Lucifer turned to him concerned. Sam shook his head and waved off Lucifer’s concern. Grabbing his glass of juice he drank almost half of it before setting it down once more.

“What kind of question is that,” Sam snapped at Dean.

“A pretty damned good one,” Dean shot back.

“Damn it, Dean. What happened there is between Luci and I.”

“Not if I’m having dreams about it.”

“Why would you be having dreams about it?”

“You tell me?”

“The spell,” Lucifer interrupted.

Both brothers turned to look at him.

“The spell you cast so that Dean could ‘see’ me.”

Sam groaned. “Damn it.”

“So basically you’re confirming what I’ve seen really happened,” Dean growled.

“No. I cannot confirm it because I do not know what you’ve been seeing. More than likely though, it is probably what happened.”

“You son of a bitch.” Dean stood up so fast his chair fell backwards. “You have the nerve to come here, stay in my brother's room, do God knows what with him! After everything you’ve done?”

“I have done nothing to your brother,” Lucifer answered quietly.

“What we do or don’t do isn’t any of your business, Dean,” Sam bit out.

“How are you going to stand there and protect him after everything he’s done to you?”

“Enough,” Lucifer shouted. “Yell at me, if you must, but leave Sam out of this.”

“Both of you, stop,” Sam yelled. 

“He does not get to yell at you for what I did,” Lucifer argued.

“No he doesn’t,” Sam agreed. “But you don’t get to yell at him for being angry about finding out what happened. He’s my brother. What’s between us, is between us. And you,” Sam said turning to Dean. “What’s between me and Lucifer is between me and Lucifer. Both of you drop it now.”

“Perhaps we should all-” Cass began.

“Hush,” Lucifer growled.

For a while no one moved or spoke. 

Finally Lucifer stood. “I should probably allow you time to discuss things with your brother. I will return later.” Without another word Lucifer ported out of the bunker.


	10. Chapter 10

“Damn it, Sam-”

“Stop it Dean. I don’t know what you’ve seen but I know Luci better than you.”

“So now we’re calling him Luci?”

“Um, I’m not really sure if he would appreciate you calling him that.”

“Are you kidding me? You really think I care about what _he_ wants?”

“You weren’t there Dean. You don’t know what it was like. How badly he feels about what he did.”

“He _should_ feel guilty, Sam!”

“Well he does! Let it go Dean!”

“No. How can you even defend him after everything?”

“I offered,” Sam said quietly.

“You offered what?”

“Sex. I didn’t remember it at first but I do now.”

“I saw what happened that first time, Sam.”

“That was the only time it was like that. I lived through it, I remember how bad it was. None of the other times were like that, though.”

“How could you offer again after that?”

Sam closed his eyes briefly, remembering. 

“You didn’t see him,” Sam whispered. “You didn’t see how repentant he was, how hurt.

“I saw how hurt _you_ were,” Dean countered.

“He was just as bad.” Sam shook his head. “He didn’t want to come near me again after that. I had to track him down.”

“Why would you want to?”

“Michael was worse,” Sam said with a shiver. “I don’t think Lucifer knows that I've started remembering what Michael did to me as well.”

“I only ever see Lucifer. What did Michael do to you?”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it. Besides, it’s not relevant any more.”

“Sam-”

“No. Leave it Dean. The point is Lucifer put himself between Michael and I more times than I can remember. What Michael did to Luci was far worse than anything that was ever done to me.”

“What he did to you was enough.”

“Damn it Dean! You’re only seeing the negative parts. Lucifer did everything to protect me after that. You didn’t see any of the positive or you’d understand.” Sam paused. “He used to hold me. Whenever I was hurt he would hold me and hum to me. I would fall asleep listening to his heartbeat. He said things too but I can’t remember the words now. They made me feel better. Safe. I needed to feel safe, Dean. Lucifer did that for me, still does. I need you both to stop fighting with each other. I can’t take much more of it.” 

“Sammy…”

Sam shook his head. “I can’t do it anymore. You two are my life; the only two people I truly love. I _need _you two to stop fighting.”__

*-*-*-*-*

_Luci?_

Crossing his arms Lucifer glared at the trees in front of him. Not knowing where else to go Lucifer had ported to just outside the bunker. With no clue where to head he simply sat down and tried to get his anger under control.

_I never know if you can hear me, when I try this. If you can, please come home._

Home. Lucifer frowned at that word. The bunker was _not_ his home.

_Please? I need you…_

Lucifer’s scowl melted. Was he really going to sit out here and sulk when Sam needed him? Sighing Lucifer stood. Instead of wasting any of his Grace further he walked to the door. With one last deep breath Lucifer finally knocked. Sam opened the door and Lucifer hesitated.

“I am sorry I raised my voice earlier,” he told Sam.

Reaching out Sam grabbed his hand and tugged him into the bunker. Lucifer waited until the door was closed before wrapping his arms around Sam. Turning his face into Sam’s neck Lucifer inhaled deeply. 

“It’s okay, baby,” Sam whispered. 

“No.” Lucifer released Sam and straightened. “I should not have been angry with Dean. He was correct. I did harm you.”

“But you also helped him,” Dean interjected.

Lucifer’s head shot up and he glanced over Sam’s shoulder to the older Winchester watching them.

“I can’t lie and say I’m not still pissed at you, but you did help him when he needed it.”

“He should not have needed it,” Lucifer whispered. “I should have done my job from the start.”

Sam grabbed his hand again and squeezed slightly. 

“I apologize to you as well, Dean.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to Sam.”

“He has. Several times,” Sam stated.

“Sam. When you call to me, when you project your thoughts, I do hear you.”

“Why don’t you ever reply?”

“I cannot. You’re mind’s defenses are too good. I could teach you to allow some things in and not others if you would like.”

“I’d like that.”

“Tonight?”

Sam nodded and squeezed Lucifer’s hand once more.

*-*-*-*-*

“Hey Sammy, wanna grab us something to eat?”

Lucifer turned instantly. 

Sam glanced to Lucifer before turning back to Dean. “I guess. You know you could grab something to eat yourself.”

“Actually I kind of wanted to talk to Lucifer.”

“About what,” Sam asked defensively.

“I promise I’m not going to start anything Sam. I just think we should get some things between us settled. Hey, you wanted us to get along better. I’m trying here.”

“I guess,” Sam said slowly. “Luci?”

“If he feels it might help things I am not against it.”

Sam inspected them both for a while. 

“Fine, but try to keep things civil. We are in a public place. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Lucifer nodded and watched as Sam left. When Sam was finally out of sight Lucifer turned back to watching the people in the park. If Dean didn’t initiate a conversation Lucifer was perfectly content to ignore the older Winchester.

“Why are we doing this again,” Dean asked.

“Honestly? Because I would like to learn to appreciate humans more,” Lucifer answered.

“Why?”

Lucifer inspected Sam’s brother for a moment. 

“Because it is what is wrong with my Grace,” he finally answered.

“You know what’s wrong with your Grace?” 

Lucifer sighed heavily. “Yes. I would appreciate if you did not tell Castiel this, but Father replied to one of my prayers.”

“And you don’t want me to tell Cass?”

There were many reasons he could give Dean that would all be true. However none of them would be important to the older Winchester. He would have to find a reason Dean would accept.

“If you were to tell Castiel, he would wonder why Father would answer me and not answer him. It would only make him doubt himself. Father has not given up on us and has not left. Castiel needs to have faith.”

“So what exactly _is_ wrong with your Grace?”

“Father wishes me to love humanity.”

“How does that affect your Grace?”

“Father bound it directly to my views on humanity. If I learn to love them as He wishes I will gain more and more access to my Grace.”

“If you don’t?”

“I lose more and more access to it.”

Dean let out a low whistle. “You also said it was drained. What’s the difference?”

“That which I do have access to is at perilously low levels. I need to ‘recharge’ it.”

“How do you do that?”

“The best way to describe what I do is meditation, though it is not precisely the same.”

“You just… think about it?”

“No. I rest, contemplate it, ‘commune’ with Heaven, and several other things.” Lucifer paused. “Being near Sam helps.”

“How?”

“Sam is my one true vessel. If I were to possess him,” Lucifer stopped himself before he could finish that sentence. “ _Do not_ tell him that. Even if he were to allow it, I could never…” 

“Because you feel bad?”

“It’s more than that. I do not deserve his forgiveness yet he has granted it. I cannot ask for more until I have had a chance to atone.”

“You really think he’ll let you possess him again?”

Lucifer shivered at the memory of his time possessing Sam. It had been amazing. For the first time in centuries he had felt complete, whole. _Happy_. He would do almost anything for that feeling once again. Did he really think Sam would allow him in again? He hoped, but no. Sam despised the idea of allowing himself to be possessed by anyone or anything. Lucifer stifled the anguished sound that threatened to spill from his lips. 

“I do love him,” Lucifer finally whispered quietly.

“That’s not what I asked,” Dean reminded him.

“No,” Lucifer hissed angrily. “I _do not_ think I will ever get to possess my Sam again. Are you happy?”

“Your Sam?”

“Stop. Sam does not wish us to argue. It disturbs him. I would appreciate if you would stop reminding me of my failures now.” Lucifer crossed his arms and glared straight ahead.

“Sorry,” Dean said after a moment. “It’s just that whenever it comes to Sam I’m a little protective.”

Lucifer continued glaring and refused to reply.

“How did you… never mind.”

“What,” Lucifer growled.

“I was just wondering how you could let Michael hurt him. I mean, if you want to protect him that much…”

Lucifer uncrossed his arms and slumped against the bench. “I was scared,” Lucifer whispered. “I was scared that I would hurt him more than Michael. When Michael was hurting him and Sam finally called for me I could not stop myself from intervening. Until then he only ever called for you.”

“Me?”

“You, and once your father. When he called for me I could not stop myself. I had to do something.”

They were both silent for a moment. 

“You know, I left him once,” Dean admitted.

“ _You_ left him?”

“Yeah. I was worried that if we stayed together he would get hurt more than if I left. I didn’t tell him that though.”

Lucifer straightened and eyed Dean carefully. “What did you tell him?”

“I told him I thought we were weaker when we were together. That whatever we have, love, family, whatever, was always going to be used against us. It’s not true though. I mean maybe he is weaker when he’s with me but I’m stronger, better. I need him to keep me from forgetting why we do this; why we put our lives on the line for other people. I’m always stronger when I’m with him.

The truth is I didn’t want to hurt him but I thought it would keep him safer. I didn’t have faith I was going to be able to protect him from everything and I wanted him safe. Sam was always the stronger one, especially when it comes to having faith. Yeah, I’m mad you hurt him and left him to be hurt by Michael. I guess I can understand why you did it though.”

Lucifer continued to eye Dean thoughtfully for a while before holding out a hand.

“Truce,” Lucifer asked.

Dean inspected the hand carefully.

“If you ever do anything to hurt him again-”

“Never,” Lucifer assured him.

“I’m holding you to that,” Dean said taking Lucifer’s hand.

“So what are we doing here,” Dean asked. 

“I am observing humanity.”

“In a park?”

“You have a better recommendation to start with?”

“What exactly is it you’re trying to learn?”

“To begin with? How not to dislike humans.”

“Actually here might be a good place to start.”

Lucifer nodded once and went back to observing.

*-*-*-*-*

“Can I ask you something,” Sam asked.

“Anything,” Lucifer replied.

“What did you and Dean talk about earlier?”

Lucifer hesitated.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“You mostly,” Lucifer answered. “We discussed how neither of us wishes you to be upset or hurt again. We have called a temporary truce. Should I ever harm you again Dean will consider the truce broken.”

“You won’t harm me again Luci, I wish you’d believe that.”

“I wish I could believe that as well.”

Sam walked over and wrapped his arms around Lucifer. Leaning his head against Lucifer’s shoulder Sam sighed. Lucifer brought his arms up and placed them around Sam, holding Sam against himself. He had missed this more than he could ever explain. There was no way Sam would ever understand how this made him feel.

“Luci?”

“Yes?”

“Can we… _If we_ kiss again, can that be all? I mean, you won’t be upset if it doesn’t go any further?”

Tightening his arms around Sam Lucifer rubbed his cheek against the left side of Sam’s face. Inhaling deeply he breathed in Sam’s scent and buried his face into Sam’s neck. So perfect, Lucifer thought to himself. So perfect, and mine. 

“I will not be upset even if we do not kiss. You owe me nothing Sam. You do not have to do anything you do not want.”

“That’s just it though, I do want to kiss you. I just don’t want you to be upset if that’s all I’m ready for.”

Releasing Sam, Lucifer raised his head up from Sam’s neck and and looked into his eyes. “My perfect Sam,” Lucifer whispered. 

“Not that perfect,” Sam muttered dropping his eyes.

Lucifer wrapped his arms around Sam again. “You are perfect to me. No, I will not be upset if we do not progress to other things from kissing.”

*-*-*-*-*  
Two Weeks Later  
*-*-*-*-*

Lucifer sat on the bench in the park alone. He had found other places to people watch but this was probably his favorite. If it was ever too crowded he took a walk on the jogging path and inspected the few other people that were using it. Mostly he was content to sit on his bench and watch the children. At first the parents, a few fathers but mostly mothers, had been apprehensive about his presence but they seem to have become accustomed to him. 

Occasionally one of the parents would sit next to him to watch their child play. When asked why he was here when he had no child of his own he drew on Nick’s past. Lucifer figured it wasn’t technically a lie since he _was_ technically Nick in a sense. Now most of the parents never questioned his presence and seemed content to leave him to his own thoughts. Lucifer had even learned the names of several of the parents and children.

Lucifer frowned when he felt the presence of another angel. Usually he preferred to stay clear of any other angels. If word got out about his being free of the cage it could endanger him and, by proxy, Sam. Usually though, no other angels frequented this area. Lucifer frowned at the sensation of the other’s Grace. There was an odd feeling about it; vaguely familiar and yet not immediately place-able.

Standing Lucifer turned slowly trying to locate the other angel. As the presence drew nearer Lucifer backed away cautiously trying to stay away from the edge of the other angel’s sense of perception. Until he knew more he didn’t want the other angel to feel him. The other angel’s Grace reminded him of something he _knew_ he should recognize and he desperately tried to place the last time he had felt something similar when it hit him. 

Grigori.

This was bad. The Grigori were an elite class of angels that had been sent to Earth to protect humanity. They were some of the first angels to arrive on Earth. At the time Lucifer had so hated the humans that he had corrupted most of the Grigori with a desire to feed on human souls before he had fallen. They were the precursors to his demons. Most had been put down but apparently not all of them. The one here would probably definitely recognize him. If not immediately then fairly soon. He needed to leave.

And yet, he couldn’t.

Lucifer hesitated. Could he really leave a Grigori here to do as it pleased with all the people he had come to know? Scanning the park Lucifer’s eyes finally settled on the other angel standing on the opposite edge of the park near the rec. center building watching the children. I _really_ should leave, Lucifer thought. Damn it, he thought. Striding across the park he made his way over to the Grigori. He knew the instant the other angel felt him. It stiffened and it’s head shot up to look around. It’s eyes settled on him as Lucifer strode over to stand before him.

“You will leave,” Lucifer ordered.

“I know you,” the Grigori said confused.

Lucifer ignored the comment. “Leave. These people are under my protection.”

“Why do I know you?”

“It is not important. You will leave now.”

“You almost feel like…” 

“Not important,” Lucifer growled. “Just leave.”

“No,” the other answered. “I must feed.”

“Not on any of these,” Lucifer answered.

“Ah, now I recognize you,” the Grigori replied. 

“If you truly recognize me you will know what will happen if you disobey me.”

“It was you that created this hunger in us. The hunger must be fed.”

“I was wrong to alter you so. Humans should be protected, not used for food.”

“Humans are weak. They do not deserve protection.”

Lucifer realized that even if he could force this angel to leave it would only endanger another human. There was a reason the Grigori had been hunted and put down. Their hunger could never be sated. As long as one still existed it would continue to seek out humans and devour their souls. Once devoured by a Grigori that soul had no chance to enter Heaven. It simply ceased to exist. He couldn’t allow this one to leave here.

“I am sorry,” Lucifer said sadly. “I should never have altered you.”

Grabbing the angel Lucifer pulled them around the corner of the building. Pulling on his Grace Lucifer let it flow from himself into the other. There was a brief struggle before Lucifer’s Grace consumed the other angel. After it was done Lucifer carefully lowered the body to the ground and stared at it sadly. Kneeling down he placed a hand on the body and ported them to a more deserted area. 

Searching the body he removed the Grigori’s sword. Ensuring the body was in a place where it would be found soon he ported back to behind the rec. center. He walked back around the building to the park. A few of the mothers there were watching and noted his arrival. The one he had come to know as Jenna began to make her way over. Lucifer checked to make sure the sword was still hidden by his jacket before walking towards her.

“Jenna,” Lucifer greeted with a nod.

“Hey Nick. Is something going on?”

“No, that man was,” _harmful_. “Confused. I was giving him,” _an order_. “Directions. He is gone now.” He couldn’t do this right now. He had to leave. “If you’ll excuse me, I think I will head home now.”

“Yeah, sure. See you soon, Nick.”

“Good night Jenna,” Lucifer stated with a slight nod of his head. 

*-*-*-*-*

By the time Lucifer made his way back to the bunker he was feeling worse. He had killed demons that had displeased him but the only other angel he had killed before was Gabriel. Instead of knocking as he usually did to preserve his Grace he ported inside. What did it matter? He was supposed to be learning how to appreciate life not take it.

“Luci?”

Making his way over to Sam Lucifer wrapped his arms around Sam and held him.

“Hey, what’s up? You okay?”

Lucifer shook his head but didn’t respond. Holding on to Sam Lucifer tried to find words to express what he was feeling. There was no way to describe how it felt to have killed one of his brothers for a second time. He took comfort in Sam’s embrace and tried to ignore the gnawing pain eating at him.

“Lucifer?”

Castiel. If there was someone here who might understand what he was feeling, it was Castiel. Lucifer turned his head and rested his right cheek on Sam’s shoulder looking over to the other angel. Yes, Castiel might understand.

“You feel… different,” Castiel stated.

Lucifer frowned at the remark. Different?

“Your Grace is stronger.”

Lucifer straightened. Stronger? Releasing Sam Lucifer felt for his Grace and was surprised to find Castiel was right. Something had happened to unbind more of his Grace. Lucifer thought back through the day’s events. 

“Did something happen at the park,” Sam asked.

“I met a Grigori,” Lucifer answered. “But I killed him. I… I don’t understand how killing another angel would unbind more of my Grace.”

“Why did you kill him,” Dean asked.

“I had to, they devour human souls. I couldn’t let him leave.”

“Because he would eat someone’s soul? Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“And you _don’t_ understand how that affected your Grace?”

Dean raised an eyebrow meaningfully.

Lucifer pondered that and finally the implications began to sink in.

“I killed him to protect the people he would hurt if he was left free to roam the Earth.” He had killed the other angel to protect humans. He had chosen humans over one of his brothers. “I think I am beginning to understand,” Lucifer whispered.

“I don’t,” Sam interrupted.

Lucifer’s eyes shot to Castiel briefly before he looked back to Sam.

“I have discovered my Grace is linked to my views on humanity,” Lucifer answered quietly. “It is why I have developed a sudden interest in people watching.”

“How is that possible,” Castiel asked.

“Does it matter,” Dean interjected. “I mean, you wanted a way to help fix his Grace, and now we have one. I’d say it’s a good thing we know how to help fix him now.”

Lucifer turned to watch Castiel’s face to see if the other angel would buy Dean’s half-truth. Castiel seemed to be processing the words. Finally Castiel gave a nod. Thank you, Lucifer thought to Dean. Castiel opened his mouth to say something else and Lucifer cut in before he could speak.

“Sam, may we go back to your room?”

“Um. Yeah, sure.”

Lucifer reached out and grabbed Sam’s hand as they made their way back to the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case people haven't seen the episode or have forgotten.
> 
> "Grigori. The watcher angels. Some of the lore says that they, uh, they help people, and some says that they prey on people."  
> -Dean, reading about Grigori
> 
>  
> 
> "Grigori. They were some of the first angels on Earth. It was an elite unit that went bad. But they're -- they're extinct, they were destroyed."  
> -Castiel, about Grigori
> 
> The Grigori were an elite class of powerful angels that were sent to Earth to protect humanity. They were some of the first angels to arrive on Earth, so they most likely kept a watch on humans while they were in the Garden of Eden. They eventually fell from their post, and started to feed on human souls. Most of them were wiped out, but a few of them still remain on earth.


	11. Chapter 11

As they entered Sam’s room Lucifer continued to chant one thing over and over in his mind. Please don’t let Sam question it, please don’t let Sam question it, please don’t- “Mmph,” Lucifer grunted as Sam was suddenly pressed against him kissing him. Lucifer started to wrap his arms around Sam before his mind caught up with things. Slowly Lucifer held his arms out to his sides as he returned the kiss. Sam’s hands ran up Lucifer’s back and gripped onto his shoulders. Taking a step backwards Lucifer leaned back against the door. Sam gripped onto Lucifer’s shoulders tighter before he finally broke the kiss.

“Sorry,” Sam whispered breathing heavily.

“Don’t be,” Lucifer told him honestly. “You are welcome to do something like that anytime you wish.” 

“It’s just… Your face when you got here… killing that other angel…”

Lucifer let his eyes slide shut.

“I had to Sam. He would have hurt innocent people if he was not stopped.”

“Still doesn’t make it easy.”

“He was the only of my brethren I’ve ever killed besides Gabriel.”

“You didn’t kill any when they were trying to lock you into the pit?”

“I didn’t have a the opportunity. Michael and Raphael kept me busy until I was finally locked inside.”

“Where was Gabriel?”

Lucifer smiled slightly. “Petitioning Father to give me another chance.” Lucifer’s smile faltered. “He tried to keep me from being locked away and the first thing I did when I saw him again was kill him.”

“Shh, don’t go there. Stay with me, Luci, I’ve got you.”

“I miss him,” Lucifer said quietly.

Instead of speaking Sam raised a hand to Lucifer’s face and pressed it against his cheek. Leaning forward Sam rested against Lucifer’s chest. Sam began to stroke his thumb softly over Lucifer’s cheek.

“Would you like to talk about him,” Sam finally asked.

Lucifer shook his head. Reaching down he picked up Sam and carried him to the bed. Pulling the covers back with one hand he gently laid Sam down on the bed. Crawling in next to Sam, Lucifer pulled the covers over them. No, there was no way he could talk about Gabriel right now. Perhaps sometime, when it didn’t hurt so much.

“Right now I would like to lay next to you while you sleep.”

With a nod Sam turned onto his side and snuggled backward until he was pressed against Lucifer’s chest. Lucifer placed an arm over his Sam. Usually Sam prefered to be the person providing rather than receiving the snuggling. While it was nice, sometimes Lucifer prefered to be on the outside. Usually only when he was feeling very protective. He was glad Sam didn’t press the issue of who was snuggling who tonight. Lucifer desperately needed to feel like he was in control of something right now.

*-*-*-*-*

Opening his eyes Sam didn’t move. Lucifer almost always knew when he was awake but always waited until Sam addressed him first. For the most part Sam used the time to assess everything and think about what had to be done that day. Today his mind drifted back to the events of yesterday. 

He wasn’t stupid. He knew, after everything, Lucifer would need to hold onto him while they slept. Sometimes Sam couldn’t allow himself to feel that smothered but last night he didn’t hesitate to let Luci be the big spoon when they snuggled. The fact that Lucifer couldn’t discuss Gabriel last night told Sam how upset he was. Lucifer almost never refused to answer anything Sam asked. Maybe Michael and Lucifer had been closest but Lucifer’s feelings to his other brother had to be almost as strong.

“You think to loud,” Lucifer mumbled against Sam’s neck.

“Mmm, morning,” Sam said sleepily.

“Morning. Sleep well?”

“Always with you here.” Sam paused for a second. “Luci?”

“Mmm,” Lucifer hummed as he placed a light kiss to the back of Sam’s neck.

“Your wings?”

The very air seemed to freeze. Tangible tension filled the room. Sam frowned at the sudden change in attitude. “It’s not that I remember anything specific, Luci. I just think I remember seeing them. I forget what they looked like but I remember them being beautiful.”

“Then you remember wrong,” Lucifer stated quietly.

“That’s right. I remember that now, you hate how they look.”

“Sam-”

“No. I want to see them again.”

“No.”

No? Until now Lucifer had never outright denied him anything. There were things Lucifer didn’t wish to share or talk about and Sam would drop those topics, but Lucifer had never outright denied him. “Please?”

“I did not have control over much in the pit. Here I have more control. I would spare you that sight.”

“Spare me,” Sam asked sitting up. “I remember them being beautiful. What do you mean by, ‘spare me’.”

“You remember wrongly. Do not press this Sam.”

“Fine,” Sam huffed. 

“Sam-”

“No. You asked me not to push, I’m not.”

“I know you are angry. I’m sorry, it is just that I do not like them.”

“Different people can have different opinions,” Sam huffed.

“Not about my wings,” Lucifer said quietly.

“Right,” Sam stated tersely. “Time to get up then.”

“Sam.”

“Nope. If you’re that set against showing me then-”

“I will show you.”

Sam froze half-way out of the bed. “Really?”

“Yes, if it means that much to you.”

“Then no. If you’re not comfortable with it I won’t push you.”

“I will never feel comfortable showing my wings.”

“Then don’t,” Sam stated trying to sound ambivalent.

“You wish to see them.”

Lucifer’s voice sounded confused and Sam regretted his tone. After everything Lucifer had done for him, still did for him, he shouldn’t be trying to guilt trip the Archangel. “Lucifer?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to push you into anything. It’s just… I’ve seen them, I remember thinking they were beautiful. I just don’t remember them. I don’t remember much from my time in the pit. I didn’t mean to push you into showing me.”

Lucifer was silent for a moment before replying. “You are not pressing me. You have seen them before, I should not be ashamed to show them to you again. Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“May we talk first?”

Sam frowned. “Luci, whether we talk or not you don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

“Sam?”

“Yes?”

“Do you have any idea how perfect you are?”

Sam shook his head. “I wish you’d stop saying that.”

Lucifer blinked several times looking confused. “As you wish.”

“I’m not perfect Luci.”

Lucifer stared for several seconds. “To me.”

“What?”

“I amend the statement. Do you know how perfect you are ‘to me’? You said different people can have different opinions. In my opinion you are perfect.”

“I… Luci… never mind. Actually you’re right. I mean, I don’t agree with it but I did say people can have different opinions. What did you want to talk about?”

“Anything, I would just like to talk for a while to… I don’t know.”

“To have time to get more used to the idea?”

“Yes.” 

“I understand. What should we talk about?”

“You pick,” Lucifer stated, sitting up.

Him? Sure he had things he wanted to know but he wanted Lucifer to feel more comfortable, not less. That cut out Gabriel, the wings, what happened to Lucifer’s Grace and how it was different… It was probably unwise to ask about God as well. Sam tried to think of something he could ask about that would make Luci feel more comfortable.

“What draws you to me,” he asked finally. If there was one thing that always made Lucifer smile it was talking about him. Now was the perfect opportunity to find out what Lucifer specifically liked about him. Cocking his head Lucifer seemed to ponder the question for a time.

“The simplest answer is everything,” he finally stated. “The more shallow answer is probably because I find you beautiful.”

“Whoa wait. Lucifer. Women are beautiful, men aren’t.”

“You are.”

“No. Men can be handsome, but-”

“Very well then you are that. Suffice it to say I find you appealing.”

Sam worked hard to control the spreading blush that threatened to cover his face and creep down his neck. Shaking his head he waved for Lucifer to continue.

“You do not like to be complemented?”

“You don’t like it either,” Sam pointed out.

“I do not deserve it.”

“I completely understand that feeling. I feel the same.”

“I have done worse that you could ever-”

“Luci, stop. The point is we both feel the same.”

“Would you like me to stop?”

Sam thought about that for a moment. “No. I want you to be yourself. I don’t understand how you see me that way, but it’s how you feel. I can’t ask you not to be yourself.”

Lucifer nodded thoughtfully. “I find you handsome. There is more too it though. You are of two worlds. With Azazel’s blood you could have gone to other side completely, yet you didn’t. You resisted. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

“It was wrong.” Sam shrugged. “It doesn’t take much to not go to to darkside when you know it’s wrong.”

“The darkside?”

“Never mind. You were saying?”

“Yes. The shallow answer is your looks. Beyond that? Your forgiveness. You give everyone a second chance even if they do not deserve it.”

“Everyone deserves a second chance.”

“Not everyone,” Lucifer disagreed.

While he disagreed he understood he wouldn’t get anywhere arguing the point with Luci. 

“My forgiveness, that’s it?”

“No. It is difficult to put into words. I like who you are. More than that. I respect it. You are as I have wanted to be.”

“Then why not just be that person?”

“Because it is not me. It is you. You are everything I have wanted to be.” Lucifer ran a hand through his hair. “Sam, I cannot change who I am, just as you cannot change who you are. You are as I have wanted to be. Your faith is unshakable. Your belief in the good outshines everything else. You are what I have wanted to be for my Father.”

“Can you tell me about him?”

“Father? What do you wish to know?”

“Why? I mean why have things turned out this way? Why are we drawn together? Why are we meant to be together?”

“Because we are made for eachother. It is how it is. Father has made it so.”

“I wish I had your faith.”

“Do not. I doubt Father more than you could imagine.”

“But you have faith.”

“Not like your faith. Sam?”

“Yes?”

“I think I am ready?”

“For what?”

“To show you my wings again.”

Wings, right. He had completely forgotten that was why he was trying to put Luci at ease.

“You know you don’t have to?”

“Yes. That you would accept no is reason enough to show you.”

“I’m really not trying to press you.”

“Understood.” Lucifer stood up and moved away from the bed. “Please do not move.”

Sam nodded. Lucifer closed his eyes and a look of concentration crossed his face. Before Sam knew what was happening wings sprouted from Lucifer’s back. There was no way to describe the splendor of the wings. The brilliant white was almost more than his eyes could take. Lucifer’s wings were definitely mangled. They had definitely seen better days, but the were still beautiful. The brilliant white of the feathers was so pure… so beautiful…

“Thank you,” Sam whispered. Reaching forward he touched the feathers lightly. “Thank you,” he whispered once more. 

Lucifer whined low in his throat and Sam remembered how difficult this was for the Archangel. “Luci?”

Lucifer gave another pitiful moan. “Yes?”

“They’re beautiful,” Sam whispered once again. “Thank you for trusting me enough to share this.”

“I could never deny you what you truly wish,” Lucifer answered. “You are the other half of me that keeps me…”

“Human?”

“Yes.” Lucifer’s wings folded forward and wrapped around them. For Sam it was heaven.

Yes, they were damaged. Yes, there feathers missing. Yes, parts of bone shown through. But it was still a beautiful sight to behold. The feathers were so white Sam was almost unable to look at them Slowly he reached out a hand and fingered the first feather his fingers touched. 

“Beautiful,” Sam whispered.

“Unwhole,” Lucifer whispered.

“Luci? I’m sorry if you feel uncomfortable. I love your wings. They’re beautiful to me,” Sam said honestly. “And thank you for trusting me.” 

“I could never deny you-”

Lucifer’s words cut off as Sam ran a finger through his feathers.

“Mmm, more? Please,” Lucifer begged.

“Anything you wish,” Sam told him. 

In truth the feathers were more opalescent than he had ever imagined. Lucifer’s wings were brilliant. He could easily understand how Luci could get the name Morning Star. What he didn’t understand was how Lucifer felt so self-conscious about his wings. Damaged they might be but they were definitely beautiful. 

Sam fingered Lucifer’s feathers. “Beautiful,” he murmured.

Lucifer almost cood. Sam had no better explanation for it. The closest he could approximate was a cooing sound, so that’s what he used. “Luci?”

“Yes,” Lucifer asked wrapping his wings around Sam.

“I love you.”

Lucifer moaned low in his throat and Sam wrapped his arms around the Archangel, tucking his arms under the wings.

“I’m here. Everything’s okay, Luci.”

“My wings,” Lucifer protested.

“They’re perfect,” Sam told him. “Almost blinding, but I love them.”

“Sincerely?”

“Yes. I love them as they are. I love you as you are. Please don’t give up on me Luci. I won’t give up on you.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you… touch them again?”

“Definitely.”

*-*-*-*-*

“You know more than you are saying.”

“I can’t say anything more Cass, let it go.”

“Dean… How did you know-”

“I’m not talking about Lucifer any more than I have to, Cass. We may have called a truce but that doesn’t mean we’re on friendly terms now. I just did it because otherwise it would have hurt Sammy.”

“But how did Lucifer find out what was wrong with his Grace?”

“You have to ask him that. I’m not taking the chance he might smite me.”

“Dean-”

“Cass, let it go man. You wanted him to find a way to fix his Grace, he found it. Let it go. I’m the one that has to live with him being with my brother. If any of us have a reason to be upset it’s me. You didn’t see what happened.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Do I want to talk about my brother being raped?”

Castiel frowned. “Lucifer wouldn’t do that. No Archangel would… They're-”

“I watched it Cass. Sam said no.”

“And Lucifer still… um…”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Dean ran a hand through his hair. “Look, as much as I want to be mad at Lucifer Sam would be hurt by it. Sam is what matters. If I have to get along with-”

“Dean?”

“Damnit,” Dean muttered.

“Yeah,” he called out. “Down here.”

Lucifer and Sam descended the stairs. Lucifer looked more ‘chastised’ than anything Dean had ever seen. Sam looked very introverted as well. “Hey, what’s up?”

Sam shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Anything new on the hunter front?”

“Uh, actually I haven’t checked recently.”

“Dean,” Sam admonished.

“Breakfast first,” Dean asked. 

“Yeah. As I check the news,” Sam stated, grabbing some toast.

“Sam,” Lucifer whispered quietly.

“Nope. You said you like me as I am. This is what I do, Luci.”

“May I do it with you?”

Sam stared at him incredulously. “Seriously?”

“Yes?”

“We’ll see.”

*-*-*-*-*

“No. That’s it, never again.”

“Sam. All I did was-”

“Interfere. I had it covered.”

“You were injured.”

“I’m a hunter, of course I got injured. It’s part of the job description.”

“I do not want you injured,” Lucifer stated indignantly, crossing his arms..

“I do not want to be injured. It just comes with the job description. Luci, you’re going to have to get used to me getting injured.”

“No.”

“Yes.” Sam ran a hand through his hair. “Luci. This is my job. It’s what I do. You can’t stop me from doing this. It’s part of me.”

“No. You get hurt.”

“Doesn’t matter. Luci I’m not going to stop this. It’s what I do.”

“No.”

“Seriously? Are you seriously telling me I can’t be a Hunter?”

“Yes.”

“Nope. Not happening. Luci, this is who I am. I’m not going to stop suddenly because you don’t like it.”

“Please?”

“No,” Sam repeated crossing his arms over himself.

“He said no. You need to accept that,” Dean stated.

“Hush,” Lucifer snarled.

“Nope. _This_ time someone’s here to back him. You don’t get to push him into something _this_ time.”

“Dean,” Sam huffed. “Stop. Both of you, just stop it. Seriously.”

“Mind your own business,” Lucifer snarled.

“Sam is my business. If you think-”

“Stop it! Both of you, I can’t take this,” Sam yelled. “You,” he said pointing to Dean. “Leave him alone. You,” he pointed to Lucifer. “No more hunting for you. Now both of you shut it so I can get some peace.”

Storming up the stairs Sam stalked down the hallway to his bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

.

Lucifer started to follow Sam when Dean grabbed his arm. Turning Lucifer shoved Dean into the nearest wall. “Do not touch me,” he growled.

“Well then give him some space.”

“I will do as I please.”

“With or without _him_ wanting it?”

Lucifer froze.

“Well,” Dean asked.

“Dean,” Castiel began. 

“Nope. Not right now. We need to have this conversation Cass. Answer the question Lucifer.”

“He offered,” Lucifer whispered.

“Then you hurt him and he said no.” Dean paused. “But you didn’t stop did you?”

Lucifer turned his back to the older Winchester but Dean walked back in front of him.

“Did you?”

“Dean,” Castiel stated warningly.

“Not. Right. Now.”

“What is it you want,” Lucifer asked quietly.

“Me? I want you to leave.”

A small whine escaped Lucifer’s lips. 

“But that would hurt Sam,” Dean continued. “Right now what I’m trying to figure out is, whether it would hurt him more if you left or if you stayed.”

“Please?”

“Please what, and why should I care what you want?”

“I need him,” Lucifer whispered. “I never did that again. Don’t ask me to leave.”

Lucifer wrapped his arms around himself.

“Again, why should I care?”

Unable to take anymore Lucifer ported away. He didn’t pay any attention to where he went. When he looked up he found himself at the park where he usually people watched. Lucifer walked over to his bench and sat down. Dean was right. If he stayed he might end up hurting Sam again. Maybe he should leave.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to a question from my reading buddy I would like to make a note that anytime I use the place Lebanon I am referring to the city in Kansas where the bunker is located near, not the country. Thank you everyone for your continued support and reviews. Also thanks for hanging in there with me as I write and post. Understandably some updates take longer than others. You guys that are still reading rock!

After several hours without Lucifer joining him in the bedroom Sam began to worry about the Archangel. Usually Lucifer didn’t like being away from him for too long. It was annoying sometimes but it was predictable. That Lucifer still hadn’t shown up after several hours was odd. Sighing Sam stood up and left his bedroom to find the angel.

After searching through several rooms and not finding the angel Sam made his way to Dean’s room. Lucifer never just left. Either he was here and didn’t wish to be near Sam, which was almost impossible to believe, or something had happened after Sam had left. Sam knocked on the door to Dean’s room and opened it.

“Hey Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know where Lucifer is?”

“Nope.”

“What happened after I left you two alone?”

“I told him to give you some space. He didn’t like me saying that so we argued and he left.”

“Dean. Seriously, I can’t do this. You have to start getting along with him.”

“I tried Sam, I did. I just can’t forgive him for what he did to you.”

“You don’t have to forgive him, you just have to accept that I forgive him.”

“Yeah? Well I can’t accept that either.” 

“Damn it. If you can’t get along with him then stop arguing. I need him Dean.”

“No, you really don’t.”

Sam stared at his brother for a few seconds.

“You know what? I love him. You either accept it or I’m leaving.”

Leaving the room Sam slammed the door behind himself. He made his way back to his own room. Walking inside he closed the door behind himself and made his way to the bed. Sitting down in the middle of the bed Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

_Luci?_

When there was no response Sam frowned. They had worked on this until Lucifer was able to reply. That meant Lucifer was choosing not to reply. Was Lucifer angry at him because of the argument with Dean?

_Luci, please answer._

.

Lucifer winced at the pain in Sam’s plea. He desperately wanted to answer but what if Dean was right? What if he hurt Sam again? How could he trust himself?

_At least tell me you’re alright._

Was he really going to let Sam think he might be hurt?

_I am fine Sam._

_Please come back?_

Lucifer hesitated. _I am not sure if I should._

_I don’t care what you argued about with Dean. I need you here._

No. Sam did not ‘need’ him. Sam would survive without him. Without Sam though, Lucifer doubted how long he would survive.

_Luci?_

He really needed to let Sam go before he hurt him again.

_Please?_

_Not tonight, I would like time to think._

Lucifer waited but there was no response.

.

That does it, Sam decided. If the Archangel wasn’t going to come back to him, he would go find the Archangel. Grabbing the keys to one of the cars housed in the bunker Sam made his way to the garage. One way or another he would find his angel. If Luci still didn’t want to come back after they talked he would respect that, but talk they would.

Sam ran through a mental checklist of possible locations where Lucifer might be. He would start at the park first, that was Lucifer’s favorite people watching spot. From there he would go to the library next. Sometimes Lucifer watched people over a book while he pretended to read. He generally prefered the more quiet, less busy places. Sam pulled up into a parking place at the park. Shutting the car off he inspected the immediate area. Not finding his angel Sam got out of the car to check the jogging path.

.

Frowning Lucifer followed Sam from a side dimension. Had Sam really left the bunker to track him down? Lucifer realized something in that instant. He could follow Sam from this side dimension and he wouldn’t be able to hurt Sam. If he could keep himself from materializing into the same plane as Sam he wouldn’t be able to effect him. This would allow him to be close to Sam and not hurt him once again.

Lucifer followed as they made their way to the jogging trail. He wanted so badly to materialize and hold Sam. He could not allow himself to do that. Perhaps sometime soon, when he trusted himself more. They walked the entirety of the trail before Sam made his way back to the car. Lucifer slid into the passenger seat to stay near Sam.

*-*-*-*-*

Sighing heavily Sam stared at the empty graveyard. The was the last place he knew of that Lucifer went to watch people. How the angel chose the places was a complete mystery. The library and the park Sam could almost understand. Lucifer disliked really loud places with lots of people. That made certain other places much harder to understand, such as the pizza place in Lebanon.

Maybe he should call in reinforcements? There _was_ someone he could call but he wasn’t sure if he should. The other person might help him but he would definitely want something in return. There was also the chance that the other person might choose to not help him. He and Lucifer didn’t exactly get along. Maybe he should wait. Sam tried to decide where to head next. There was no more places he could think of to check and he really wasn’t ready to go back to the bunker. Starting the engine Sam pulled away. Hotel, he thought. He would go back to the bunker eventually, but for now he needed time to himself.

*-*-*-*-*

Three days, nineteen calls from Dean, seven angry voicemails, eight angry texts and still no Lucifer. The calls and texts Sam ignored. He had listened to the first few voicemails before ignoring them as well. Finally Sam had turned off his phone. Grabbing the can of spray paint he began drawing the demon trap.

.

Lucifer frowned as Sam began the summoning spell. That Sam would intentional summon a demon almost had Lucifer phasing back to Sam’s plane to stop him. Lucifer resisted the idea. If he did that he would have to explain how he knew what Sam was doing. Any demon summoned should be completely powerless in the demon trap. If anything did happen Lucifer would be able to take care of it. 

When the spell was finished Lucifer waited across the warehouse room for the demon to arrive. He didn’t want the demon to feel his presence and give him away. Finally the demon blinked into the room. Normally he wouldn’t be able to tell which demon it was without being closer. This demon, however, he was eminently familiar with.

“Sam! I was just thinking about you and your brother.”

“Cut the crap Crowley.”

“No pleasantries, straight to business. I like it. So what can I do for you?”

“I need you to find someone.”

“Let’s ignore who for the moment. What is it I get out of the deal?”

“What is it you want?”

“Actually, I do happen to have an issue you may be able to help with. There’s a witch I could use assistance getting at. She’s guarded herself fairly well against demons, but two human hunters…”

Lucifer growled.

“No.”

“Not even going to think about the idea, Moose?”

“No. Not witches Crowley. Anything but witches. I hate witches.”

“It’s only one witch and she won’t even be expecting you.”

“No.”

“Sam, who did you want me to find?”

“Doesn’t matter, I’m not taking on a witch. Besides if she’s giving you hell all the more reason not to mess with her.”

“And I thought we were friends Moose.”

“Friends? We’ve never been friends Crowley.”

“Associates then. I’m willing to compromise. If you could just break the wards surrounding her-”

“No. I’m not going after a witch, especially not one that’s not messing with me.”

“Where’s Squirrel? It’s not like you to summon me without him around.”

“Drop it Crowley.”

“Who did you need me to find?”

“Never mind, if you don’t want to help then you don’t need to know.”

“I might help?”

Sam crossed his arms.

“Purely out of the goodness of my black little heart.”

“Uh-huh.”

“If it was Squirrel you would have already said so and wouldn’t have hesitated about the witch. If he’s not the one missing and you’re summoning me without him that leaves all kinds of delicious ideas about who you want to find.”

“Lucifer,” Sam stated bluntly.

Crowley shivered slightly. “Do not even tease about that.”

“I’m not.”

“Lucifer’s in the pit Sam.”

“Not anymore.”

“You’re lying,” Crowley hissed.

“Nope. He’s been staying at the bunker with us for a while now.”

“If this is some kind of joke…”

“Nope.”

“And he hasn’t tried to kill you yet?”

“Nope. Might be because we’re together.”

Crowley paled and took a step back. “Wait. If you’re together why do you need me to find him,” Crowley asked suspiciously.

Sam ran a hand through his hair. “Because Dean pissed him off and he went AWOL.”

“Dean pissed him off and Lucifer _didn’t_ smite him?”

“Seriously? You really think he’d smite Dean while we’re together?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to help me or not?”

“Are you insane? Of course I’m not going out looking for the Archangel that I tried to have killed.” 

Stepping forward Sam scuffed the lines of the demon trap until he broke one of them.

“If you’re not going to help then leave.”

“Sam…”

“Nope. If you’re not going to help me then there’s no reason for you to stay.”

“Maybe you should look at this like a blessing and let it go.”

“I am not letting this go. I won’t force him to come back but I am going to find him.”

“Well good luck with that. I’d say call if you need something but... yeah, don’t.”

Lucifer watched Crowley blink away. Sam had to be getting desperate to contact Crowley to find him. Still, he didn’t dare risk it. If he ever hurt Sam again… 

*-*-*-*-*

Lucifer was out of the pit? The bloody Archangel that freaking created demons? Out of the pit and dating Sam freaking Winchester? Had he been ported to an alternate reality because, seriously, none of this was making any sense anymore. There had to be someone credible he could ask to verify this. Thinking about everything Crowley finally thought of someone who might have the answers.

*-*-*-*-*

_Luci? You still not talking to me?_

“I’m here,” Lucifer whispered. Every night it was the same. Sam would reach out and try to talk to him and Lucifer would watch until Sam finally gave up and went to sleep.

_Even if you did give up on me I can’t give up on you._

Lucifer gave a soft whine.

_And yes, I still love you._

Five days of searching and Sam always ended the conversation the same way. “I still love you, too,” Lucifer whispered back. 

When he was sure Sam was finally asleep Lucifer moved to sit next to the bed. Lately Sam had become increasingly restless at night. Lucifer finally allowed himself contact with Sam one night when it was apparent Sam was having a nightmare. Willing himself back into the material plane of existence he put two fingers to Sam’s head and sank into the dream. 

When he had finally resolved the nightmare Lucifer lay in the dream world holding his Sam. He could feel when Sam was about to wake up and left before that could happen. It wasn’t anywhere near as good as the real thing but it was all he allowed himself. Throughout the dreams he would assure Sam he wasn’t alone and that he was loved. Sam almost never remembered his dreams but the time they spent there seemed to make Sam less antsy whenever he awoke. 

There were times when Lucifer would leave Sam. He never stayed away long but occasionally he would take time to see if there was anything that needed his attention. If he ever hoped to redeem himself in his Father’s eyes he needed to continue working on loving humanity. Lucifer would have given up on it completely if it had not been for Sam. He figured if he ever had any hopes of becoming good enough for Sam he needed to continue his work. With a last look at Sam Lucifer ported out of the room.

*-*-*-*-*

Sam sat on the bench Lucifer always used watching the children at the park. Honestly he had actually given up on Lucifer showing back up here. He only came back to feel closer to his angel. As he sat watching the people a woman approached him.

“You’re one of Nick’s friends aren’t you?”

Nick? It took a second to remember that’s what Lucifer went by when he interacted with other people. “Yeah, Sam,” Sam introduced himself.

“Jenna,” the woman stated. “Have you seen Nick lately?”

“Um… I haven’t seen him a while actually.” 

“He usually shows up a few times a week but he hasn’t been here in awhile. Some of us are starting to get a little worried.”

“Some of who?”

“The other parents.”

Sam lowered his brows. Other people were missing Lucifer? He really had to have made an impact on these people. “I’m sure he’s fine. I’ll talk to him the first chance I get,” Sam promised.

“Thanks. Make sure to let him know we miss him.”

“Will do.”

He watched the woman leave and go back and sit on a bench with two other woman. They all started talking amongst themselves. Shaking his head Sam was sad that Lucifer didn’t know how many people were worried about him. Maybe it wouldn’t change anything but maybe it would have. At the very least Lucifer deserved to know Sam wasn’t the only one missing him. Closing his eyes Sam did something he hadn’t done in a long time. 

_God? I know I haven’t prayed in a while, sorry about that. If you’re listening please make sure Lucifer is alright and knows that he’s loved. Also please let him come back to me soon, I can’t take being away from him much longer. If possible can you do anything to fix his wings. I think they’re beautiful the way they are but I don’t want him to be upset anymore. Even if I can’t have him back could you please do_ something _to help his wings mend? I don’t like him being that upset over them. If there’s anything you want, tell me. I just want him to feel better about them. Also… um… If you can let Gabriel know how much Lucifer misses him and loves him I’d appreciate that. Please?_

Sam waited but nothing happened. Seriously? Was really expecting an immediate answer from God? Shaking his head Sam stood and made his way back to the car. He couldn’t stand to be here anymore; sitting in the same place Lucifer always sat when he was here. He had to leave. Getting into the car Sam drove to the nearest cafe. 

*****

Sam picked at the food. Honestly he didn’t even know why he ordered it except that he hadn’t eaten all day. He should be hungry but he was simply to worried to care about food right now. He _needed_ to know if Lucifer was okay, _needed_ to hear his voice. If the Archangel would only respond to him one time. 

*-*-*-*-*

Heading back to the hotel he had been staying in Sam shut the door and sank into the nearest chair. The search was beginning to wear on him. He refused to go back to the bunker until he found Lucifer, but if the angel really didn’t want to be found how the hell was Sam supposed to find him? Not only did he not have Lucifer he didn’t even have Dean right now. Even if he found Luci he wasn’t going to move back into the bunker until he got them both to promise they would get along better.

.

Lucifer sat on the edge of the bed watching Sam. It was painful to watch Sam and not touch or speak to him. He would do almost anything to be able to hold him, even if it was just one more time. He was desperate to find some way to make this right; some way that he could ensure he would never hurt Sam again. Suddenly Lucifer stiffened. He felt a presence he recognized instantly. Standing Lucifer moved to the center of the room and tensed. If his brother was coming to hurt his Sam… Raphael strode through the door and straight into the room phased into the same side-dimension Lucifer was in.

“I see you but I still don’t believe it,” Raphael stated.

“If you even try to touch Sam-” 

“Be at peace, I am not here for your human.”

“Why are you here then?”

“I had an interesting conversation with a demon.”

“Crowley,” Lucifer spat out.

“The one and only. How is that you are free of the pit?”

“Father.”

“Father left us. Why would He return and free you?”

“He freed me so that I might learn to love humanity. As to why He does not wish to be found, He has his own reasons. You know He does not explain Himself.”

“Indeed. Usually you are the first to question Him though.”

“I am attempting to learn to follow His will without questioning Him.”

“That,” Raphael said with a smile, “would be something to see. Is Michael also free of the pit?”

“No. It would seem only I was returned.”

“Why would Father not also free Michael?”

“I will not speculate on Father’s decisions,” Lucifer stated evenly.

“Tell me, do you plan to return to Heaven?”

“No, not for some years, even then I do not plan to engage in the affairs of angels. I will only return when my Sam must pass from this life. After that I will spend my time with him. I leave you to oversee Heaven until Father’s return.”

“You love this human?”

“He is my one true vessel. He was made for me as I was made for him. I cannot not love him.”

“I admit I do not fully understand the connection between us and true vessels.”

“That is because you have not yet found yours. Gabriel found his a fair while back and never took another after possessing him.”

“May I ask you something?”

“What would you know?”

“Why are you shifted to this dimension?”

“None of your concern,” Lucifer gritted out.

“I thought that an Archangel would want to keep their true vessel from pain.”

“I hurt him. In the pit, I was angry and could not stop myself. I remain in this dimension to keep from causing him further pain.”

Raphael turned and watched Sam for a moment before turning back to Lucifer.

“Lucifer, inspect him once more. Even I can feel the pain radiating off of him.”

Lucifer frowned. “If I were to return to his dimension I may harm him more than I do by remaining here.”

“I highly doubt that. _Really_ look at him Lucifer.”

Lucifer frowned and turned to inspect his Sam. Focusing on Sam Lucifer inspected his soul and was staggered by the pain he felt. Had he really left his Sam alone to suffer like this because of his own fears? Pain, abandonment, emptiness and self-doubt radiated through his Sam almost as strongly as when they had been in the pit. His Sam needed him and he was denying Sam the one thing that would help him.

“Leave,” Lucifer whispered to his brother.

Without a word Raphael ported out of the room. Walking closer to Sam Lucifer dropped to his knees. Lucifer dropped his head and willed himself back into the material plane. Sam jumped at his sudden appearance.

“I am so sorry Sam. I never meant…” Lucifer trailed off unable to speak any more. Nothing he could say would be good enough. Please do not let him hate me, Lucifer begged mentally. Leaning forward he wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist. Sam tentatively put a hand on Lucifer’s shoulder.

“You left me” Sam whispered.

Lucifer shook his head. “I could not. I was with you since you arrived at the park looking for me. I could not bear being separated from you.”

“You didn’t answer me when I tried to talk to you.”

Lucifer let out a pained whine. “I wished to protect you.”

“The only protection I ever needed was you being there.”

The complete lack of anger in Sam’s voice hurt worse than anything. Sam was too hurt to even be angry. Lucifer gripped Sam’s waist more firmly and buried his face into Sam’s stomach.

“I _am_ sorry Sam. Please, you said you would not give up on me.”

“You said you wouldn’t leave me. You promised.”

Lucifer snuggled against Sam’s stomach. There weren’t words to express what he needed Sam to understand.

“You said ‘always, in your arms'…” Sam’s voice trailed off. 

“Yes, always Sam. Always, in my arms, you are safe. I answered you, I did. Every time you spoke I answered you, I just did not project my answers to you. Every time you said you loved me I told you I love you as well. I watched over you, I watched your dreams while you slept. I left you physically but not completely. I still watched over you. Please, once more, as little as I deserve it, forgive me? Anything Sam, ask me anything I will do it. Please?”

“Stop arguing with Dean.”

“Yes. Sam, please. I need you, I can’t-”

“I forgive you,” Sam whispered.

Lucifer pressed his hands under Sam’s shirt and flattened them against Sam’s back. He couldn’t stop himself. He needed to feel Sam, not through clothes but skin on skin. Rucking Sam’s shirt up higher he pressed his cheek against Sam’s stomach and closed his eyes.

“I love you,” Lucifer whispered.

“Shh baby, I know. It’s okay baby, I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry,” Lucifer mumbled again and again.

“Shh, I’ve got you now.” 

Sam squeezed Lucifer’s shoulder and ran his other hand through Lucifer’s hair. He needed this so badly but definitely did not deserve this. Not after everything he had put Sam through. Once again he was being granted forgiveness he had not earned. Sam was truly amazing. What had he done to deserve someone as truly perfect as his Sam?

*-*-*-*-*

“Lucifer.”

“Mmm.”

“I really do need to move now.”

Lifting his head Lucifer glanced up at his Sam. “Do I have to release you?”

Sam reached down with one hand. “You have to let go of my hips so I can walk but you can take my hand.”

Lucifer inspected the hand. “May hold your waist?”

“If I can still walk.” 

Lucifer stood and placed an arm around Sam’s waist. “Is this… okay?”

“Yeah, we’re only going to the bed anyway.”

Lucifer stiffened. “No.”

“Really?”

Lucifer stared at Sam confused.

“Sam, I am not worthy enough to sleep in your bed with you.

“Okay. Yeah, I mean you ignore me for more than a week, you let me think you hate me…”

“I could never hate you.” 

“You let me think you hate me,” Sam repeated. “You leave without a word…” 

“I am sorry Sam,” Lucifer stated staring at the ground. “I did wish to protect you. Dean said-”

“Stop. I don’t want to hear about what Dean said anymore than I want to hear about what you said. I _need_ you both to stop fighting. Neither of you understand. I can’t choose. I’m not picking between my brother and my love.”

“I understand,” Lucifer whispered. “Sam?”

Sam blinked several times and wiped at his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Choose Dean. If you must choose, choose him.”

“I don’t want to choose Luci.”

“I know but… if it comes down to a choice? Choose Dean.”

“Why would you say that?”

“He will take care of you for me. I need to know you are taken care of. Dean will always protect you.”

“Luci?”

Lucifer bit his lip at the thought that he and Sam might not be together. “Yes?”

“Will you… leave me again?”

“No. No, Sam, no. I do not have words for how sorry I am you had to feel that. I will never leave you again unless you order it.”

“If… If I order it will you fight it,” Sam asked nervously biting his lower lip.

“Yes, most definitely,” Lucifer assured him. “I need you. You can survive without me, Sam. I cannot survive without you.”

“You’re wrong you know. I can’t live without you either. You _and_ Dean.”

“I will not argue with him. I have given my word. What else may I do to prove myself?”

“You don’t get it do you?”

Lucifer cocked his head to the side. “I suppose I do not ‘get it’. Teach me what you need.”

“You, Lucifer. I need you. But I also need Dean. I can’t live without both of you.”

“Sam, as unworthy as it is, may I make one request?”

“You know I don’t feel that way Luci.”

“I feel that way. Sam, I would request you call your brother.”

“What?”

“Call Dean. I know how I felt. I imagine how he feels. Call him and… do not be too harsh. He will be upset he has not been able to watch over you. He may express it inaccurately. Do not be too angry with him.”

“No.”

Lucifer bowed his head. “I understand.”

“No, you really don’t. Do you even have any clue why I don’t want to call Dean just yet?”

“Perhaps not. You are hard for me to read.”

“He doesn’t want us together. I was mad at you for arguing with him. I’m mad at him for arguing with you. I need you both. I refuse to pick between you two.”

“I would never ask that,” Lucifer said quietly.

“But he might. He hates when he can’t protect me. Lucifer, didn’t it seem odd I would call for him and only once call for my dad?”

“Yes, but I had read your memories. I knew how you felt of him.”

“No. I mean you know how you would feel about him but not me.”

“No, I disagree. Respectfully,” Lucifer stated quietly.

“Why?”

“I read your memories. I know how you feel about him. I view him differently.”

“Different how?”

“Can you lay down first. It might take time to explain and you have expressed a desire to lay in the bed.”

“Only on one condition.”

“Yes?”

“You join me.”

“I cannot. Sam, please do not ask this of me.”

“Luci?”

“Yes?”

“I will never ask you for more than you are comfortable with. If you can’t do it than that’s okay, but I really need you to join me.”

“Need?”

“Yes.”

“I cannot deny you what you need.”

“Then consider it a want. I want it to be your choice too Luci.”

“I resign my needs to yours because of my previous actions.” 

“Please don’t?”

“Sam, I hurt you, I must atone.”

“Are you hurting?”

Lucifer whined and slid his eyes closed.

“Yes,” Sam said slowly. “I feel like that too.”

“Help me fix it.”

“Lay with me?”

“Truly?”

“Honestly Luci. Please?”

“As you wish it,” Lucifer replied.

“Luci?”

“Yes?”

“Do you wish to lay next to me?”

“More than you will ever know. I just wish to earn my place back.”

“Does my opinion count?”

“Of course.”

“I think you’ve earned your place back. Lay with me? Please?”

“As you wish it,” Lucifer answered.

Sam laid in the bed and Lucifer frowned. Moving to the bed Lucifer covered Sam with the blanket and tucked it around him. Walking to the foot of the bed Lucifer uncovered one of Sam’s feet. Sam stared at him questioningly.

“You always sleep with one foot uncovered,” Lucifer informed Sam.

“Really?”

“Yes. If I do not uncover it you will kick the blankets off completely.”

“How do you know that?”

“I have watched you sleep many nights.”

Sam smiled. “Lucifer?”

“Yes?”

“Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

Lucifer honestly consider the question. “No,” he replied finally.

“Exactly. Get up here.” 

Carefully Lucifer climbed into the bed next to Sam. He laid on the edge not touching Sam. Sam stared at him for a few minutes. Finally, when Lucifer couldn’t take it anymore, he questioned it. 

“Sam?”

“Yes?” 

“Why are you staring?”

“Because I love you.

“I feel…”

“Uncomfortable?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t, I just missed you.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“May I…” 

“What?”

“May I hold you?”

“Luci?”

“Yes?”

“I’d be upset if you didn’t.”

Reaching out an arm Lucifer hesitated slightly before wrapping it around his Sam.


	13. Chapter 13

Lucifer watched his Sam sleeping in his arms. No, there was no way he would ever leave his Sam again. He needed to thank his brother for pointing out what should have been obvious from the beginning. The one thing he was afraid of doing, he was already doing by leaving Sam. He knew how much he needed Sam but he had underestimated how much Sam needed him as well. So perfect.

_‘You are everything I have wanted to be.’_

Yes, Sam was definitely everything Lucifer had tried to be but couldn’t. When he had possessed Sam it had felt like he was finally whole for the first time since being created. There was no way to adequately describe the feeling. Sam filled holes in him Lucifer hadn’t even known existed at the time. Perhaps one day, when he had finally proven to Sam he could be trusted, Sam would let him in again. 

Turning slightly so his back was free of the bed Lucifer unfurled his wings. As always the sight of them depressed him. That Sam could find them beautiful was almost impossible to believe. There was no way to doubt the awe in Sam’s eyes, though. Carefully he moved his arm off of Sam. Reaching up Lucifer fingered through the feathers trying to find one already loose. As soon as he found one he plucked it out of his wings wincing. Angel’s feathers did not fall out on their own and hurt badly when they were removed. Careful not to disturb Sam Lucifer folded his wings back and banished them. The feather he would give his Sam tomorrow.

_Castiel?_

_Lucifer?_

_I am with Sam, he is safe. You should tell Dean._

_Can you get him to call Dean?_

_Not at the moment, no. He is sleeping._

_Tomorrow?_

_Perhaps. Please let Dean know his brother is safe._

_Understood. Lucifer?_

_Yes?_

_How are_ you _doing?_

_I am with my Sam._

_Understood._

*-*-*-*-*

Opening his eyes Sam found himself staring into Lucifer’s eyes. He paused for a moment trying to think of the exact name for the color. Arctic, Sam finally decided. It actually fit since Lucifer was usually cooler to the touch than most people. Smiling Sam reached out and brushed his fingers through the hair behind Lucifer’s temples. Closing his eyes Lucifer leaned into the touch slightly.

The moment was too perfect for him to stop himself. Leaning forward Sam moved his arm around Lucifer and pulled him closer. The angel resisted for less than a second before complying. When they were close enough Sam kissed Lucifer softly. As Sam drew back Lucifer’s eyes opened again. 

“Good morning,” Sam told him.

“Yes,” Lucifer agreed. “I would like to give you something should you accept it.”

“You don’t have to do that, Luci.”

“I know, I wish to.”

Lucifer brought his hand up and opened it. Inside was a feather so white he knew it had to have come from Lucifer’s wings. Sitting up Sam reached for the feather and touched it gently. Looking up he met Lucifer’s eyes. 

“It’s beautiful.”

“Will you accept it?”

“You pulled it out of your wing didn’t you?”

“Our feathers to do not fall out of their own accord.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Is that relevant to your acceptance?”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just didn’t want you to hurt, Luci.”

Lucifer continued to watch him silently. Reaching down Sam picked the feather up gently and laid it in his other hand. “Of course I accept it.”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“It hurts when a feather is removed. I found one already loose though. Since they do not fall out a loose feather will hurt the whole time it remains in the wing. Usually the feathers will tighten when whatever is wrong has healed. As my wings will take a long time to heal, if ever, I chose a loose one. It will no longer cause me pain just as I hope I will no longer cause you pain.”

Sam stared at the angel.

“I have nothing to give you,” Sam whispered.

“You have already given me two things more important to me than one feather. Your heart and your forgiveness. I need nothing more.”

“You really don’t have any idea how much I love you.”

“I am content to know that you love me. I have all the time in the world to learn the extent.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Sam…”

“Yes?”

“Would you wear it?”

“How?”

Lucifer held out his hand and Sam placed the feather in it. Closing his hand around the feather Lucifer smiled. When he opened his hand there was a small strip of leather with the middle wrapped around the end of the feather. Lucifer reached out and tied it around Sam’s neck. Looking down Sam fingered the feather carefully.

“Won’t it get crushed?”

“No nor will it break.”

“I love you.” Sam wrapped his arms around Lucifer and held his angel.

*-*-*-*-*

Standing outside the bunker Sam hesitated. After a week of taking off and ignoring his brother’s calls Dean was bound to be in a bad mood. He was definitely not looking forward to the upcoming conversation. Testing the door Sam found it unlocked. Taking a deep breath he entered the bunker and set off to find his brother. He found Dean and Cass in the kitchen. As soon as he enter Dean stood and started towards him. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t reply, I-”

Sam was cut off when Dean wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him tightly.

“Dean?”

Dean finally pulled back and met his eyes. “I worried about you.” 

“I take the blame,” Lucifer stated quietly. 

Dean turned to look at the Lucifer and Sam held his breath. 

“If I had not left Sam would not have had to search for me. Also if I had revealed myself to him sooner he would have been able to return more quickly.”

“Why didn’t you,” Dean asked.

“I worried I would end up hurting him. You found the one thing I worry about above all others in our argument. For a time I was convinced you were right. I left trying to keep him safe. I would hope you can understand how difficult of a decision that was to make.”

Sam watched his angel and his brother eying each other.

“When it comes to Sam I can be a little protective,” Dean stated. 

“A little,” Sam huffed. Dean ignored the comment.

“Sometimes that happens with people you love,” Dean said quirking an eyebrow at Lucifer. 

Lucifer nodded once.

“I can’t say I forgive you for what you did to him but I don’t have to forgive you. Sam does. I am sorry I started an argument with you after our truce. If you want to try it again I’m willing.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Dean,” Sam asked.

“It’s still me I…” Dean trailed off and inspected the feather hanging around Sam’s neck.

“Lucifer gave it to me this morning,” Sam told his brother.

Dean turned to the Archangel standing behind Sam.

“I wished Sam to have a reminder of me,” Lucifer whispered.

Turning back to the feather Dean reached out and touched it briefly before facing Lucifer again. “Truce?”

“I have already promised Sam I will not argue with you again. I promise you I will never hurt him on purpose or leave him like that again.”

“Deal,” Dean accepted.

“Castiel,” Lucifer said glancing to the other angel in the room.

“Lucifer,” Cass replied with a slight nod.

“Thank you for watching over Dean while Sam was searching for me.”

“I watch over them both whenever I can but you’re welcome.”

Suddenly Sam remembered something. “Lucifer, I wasn’t the only one that missed you.”

Lucifer cocked his head and waited.

“There was a woman from the park you go to people watch. I think her name was Jen.”

“Jenna,” Lucifer corrected. “Her children are Amber and Britt, short for Brittany.”

“You know her children,” Dean asked stunned.

“I am there to learn about humanity. To do that I must learn about humans,” Lucifer stated sounding confused. 

“What have you learned so far,” Dean asked.

From Jenna I have learned that humans have a greater capacity for empathy than I would have believed. From Amber I have learned humans possess a far greater capacity for hope than most angels. From Britt…” Lucifer crossed his arms and sighed. “From Britt I have learned ‘mommy kisses are the best for boo-boos’.”

Sam snickered.

“You were saying about Jenna,” Lucifer prompted.

“She asked me about you while I was at the park once. She said she and some of the other parents were getting worried that you hadn’t shown up in a while.”

Lucifer seemed to be considering this.

“I would like to visit there tomorrow if you do not mind Sam. I would like to put their minds at ease.”

“Can I go with you?”

“You would be most welcome to come as well.”

“Breakfast,” Dean offered nodding to the table.

“I have not finished,” Lucifer stated. “From Dean I have learned how to love others. From my Sam I have learned to love myself.”

*-*-*-*-*

The door to the bedroom opened and Sam entered closing the door behind himself. Lucifer waited but Sam merely stood there watching him. Tilting his head to the side Lucifer continued to wait. Suddenly a corner of Sam’s mouth turned upward into the half-smile Sam gave to no one else but him. 

“I love you,” Sam whispered ducking his head.

Lucifer beamed back at his Sam. No matter how often he heard those words he would never get tired of them. “I love you too.”

Sam looked down and played with the feather for a time before looking back to him. “I know.”

“Sleep or research?”

Sam shook his head and Lucifer frowned. Walking forward Sam put his hands on Lucifer’s hips and kissed him. When Sam finally broke the kiss he grabbed the bottom of Lucifer’s shirt and lifted it. After he removed the shirt Sam tossed it across the room. Lucifer raised and eyebrow.

“Neither,” Sam said. “You.”

“You do not have to-”

“Do anything I do not wish. Yup, got it,” Sam informed him reaching for the button on his pants.

Lucifer groaned as Sam’s hands unzipped his pants and lowered them. Slowly he raised his arms and held them to his sides. Sam tugged one of his hands until they reached the bed. Raising his own arms Sam shoved Lucifer backward until he fell onto the bed. Lucifer’s breath caught. Yes, every other time Sam had initiated everything, however all of those times were slow and gentle. Never had Sam been even this aggressive.

He didn’t have to open his eyes to know his Sam was staring at him but he did. The look in Sam’s eyes was a beautiful sight. There was the love he was slowly becoming accustomed to being directed at him but there was also more. Wonder, awe and lust all shone through in Sam’s eyes. Lucifer’s back arched off the bed in anticipation. He expected nothing, but he hoped. Desperately hoped. He needed his Sam.

“I need you,” Sam told him.

“Anything you wish.”

“Anything? Promise?”

“Yes,” Lucifer panted.

“Take me?”

Lucifer froze. He started to say something but Sam crawled on top and straddled him. Lucifer’s breath caught in his throat. 

“I know you’re still worried about it,” Sam soothed. “I’m not. Please Lucifer? I want you to be in charge this time.”

“If… If I hurt you…”

“You won’t baby. Please, I need this.”

“Why, Sam?” 

“It’s just what I want right now. I can’t promise it all the time but… Luci, after you left… I thought you were gone forever. I need this to help me believe. Believe that you want this too.”

“You doubt that I want you?”

Sam ran his fingers over Lucifer’s chest and sighed. “I don’t doubt that you love me, it's just sometimes I wonder if you want me this way too.”

“How could I not?”

Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just I’m always in charge and you’re always so careful with how you touch me when we do this. It feels like I’m restricting you. Like I’m keeping you from getting the same thing I get out of this.”

“You are not.”

“Lucifer… Please?”

“Are you truly sure?”

“Yes.”

“You understand that you may still say stop?”

“Yes, Lucifer, please just take me.”

“As you wish it,” Lucifer whispered reverently.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue: Several nights after Sam and Lucifer returned to the bunker.

Sam opened his eyes and blinked several times trying to clear the sleep away. Something had woken him up but he wasn’t sure what yet. Straining he listened for anything out of the ordinary. The bed shifted slightly and a soft whimper caught his attention. Turning Sam glanced behind himself to Lucifer. The angel was lying near the edge of the bed with his arms wrapped around himself. Lucifer gave another soft whimper.

“Luci?”

Lucifer’s head turned towards him but his eyes remained closed.

“Are you alright?”

Lucifer nodded and shifted again.

“What is it, baby? What’s wrong?”

“Not sure. Wings, hurt,” Lucifer whimpered.

“Let me see them, baby.”

Lucifer shook his head. 

“Come on Luci, don’t get stubborn about them now. I need to see them, please?”

Lucifer shook his head again.

“Show me or I’m getting Castiel,” Sam ordered.

Lucifer rolled over and placed a hand on Sam’s leg. Finally he opened his eyes. 

“Help me sit?”

Sam helped Lucifer sit up in the bed. Lucifer directed them so that they were sitting sideways. Closing his eyes again Lucifer breathed heavily for several moments. Opening his eyes Lucifer gave Sam a nod. 

“Please sit back.”

Sam moved backwards and waited. The second Lucifer’s wings began to unfold Sam knew something was different before they were even fully extended. By the time they were fully extended Sam was awestruck. He really had thought Lucifer’s wings were beautiful before. Now he was completely speechless. Now he had to squint to be able to even look at them.

Lucifer drew one wing around his side and stared at it. Reaching up he touched the feathers cautiously. Turning he drew the other wing around him and inspect that one as well. The wings were made whole again. 

“Luci,” Sam whispered. “They’re… They’re…” Sam trailed off, unable to come up with any way to describe them.

“Whole,” Lucifer whispered. 

Suddenly Lucifer spread his wings out as much as he could in the room and bowed his head. “Thank you Father.”

Unable to help himself Sam reached out and ran his fingers down Lucifer’s left wing. Lucifer inhaled sharply and tilted his head backward. Sam withdrew his hand concerned he may have hurt the angel. Reaching out Lucifer grabbed Sam’s hand and fixed his eyes on Sam.

“ _Do not_ stop,” Lucifer growled.

“Did it hurt?”

“It feels wonderful when you touch them.”

Tentatively Sam reached forward again and touched the feathers. Lucifer’s head rolled backwards and he moaned. Grinning Sam sat up on his knees to for better access. He wished he could find someway to tell Lucifer what he thought of the wings. “I love them, Luci. I can only imagine what they would look like in the sun.”

“Wait.” Lucifer stood and grabbed Sam’s hand. “Come with me.”

Lucifer led them to the center of Sam’s room.

“Ready?”

“For what,” Sam asked breathless.

“In the sun they are difficult for even some of the angels to look upon. I prefer this.”

Lucifer ported them to just outside of the bunker.

Sam’s mouth parted open as the pale light shining down lit up the feathers. They were amazing before but now… Lucifer’s wings, healed and whole, feathers restored, lit by the moonlight were…

“Perfect,” Sam whispered.

Reaching up Sam gently placed his hands against the almost glowing moonlit feathers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus ends my first ever Samifer fic. Thank you again to the Samifer shippers for jumping ship long enough to write for my ship because of all of the hate we were getting. Hopefully people liked it. :)


End file.
